Crime Drama Queens

Send us Fan Mail With opening credits created by a GCSE Media Studies student, a victim with "darkness" in her, a man in a silly hat, and HUGE amounts of spraying blood, this is a bit of a winner. Lex enjoyed it more than she enjoys a piece of toast, and as you will discover, she loves a bit of toast.  This episode contains descriptions of fictionalised violence, and, of course, is full...

Send us Fan Mail Behold the Knuckerhold Dragon!  This one is a bit bonkers but we (Lily) love it anyway. Lex misses the maggots of course, but that's just Lex for you. How could you NOT love it though? Morris Dancing, liquid rubber, a bloke called Marvellous, AND a blow pipe! Lex was about to go on holiday when we recorded and she is at her giddiest...which is saying something.  Oh, and apolo...

Send us Fan Mail The Met Police are at it again! DCI Joe Mottram is in Capri to spend time with his daughter and his in laws following the death of his wife. Naturally, the murders come rolling in and he must help the local plod catch the various bad guys.  The whole thing feels like a deja vu, and we're still not quite sure how the murder happened, but it does have that guy from Coronation S...

Send us Fan Mail First of all, apologies if your name is Alan Daniels. Or Alan anything, actually. We are not kind to you in this episode, but we do love you really. Blame "Above Suspicion"! It pushed us to the edge of reason with the gassy corpses, sexual harassment, drooling murderer, graphic flashbacks, and, of course, ALL THE MAGGOTS. DCI Langton is not the only one who needed a tumb...

Send us Fan Mail Better late than never! Especially if you watched The Puzzle Lady and were starting to grow resentful towards us. We apologise. For everything. Our tardiness. Our program choice... We didn't love this one, but we did get to say "no dick, no joy"* again, so maybe it was worth it. And yes, we know Mr Kipling is not an actual person who bakes for the masses.  This epis...

Send us Fan Mail Hey presto! It's our second episode of Patience, and we did, indeed, lose our patience with it. There is a man with a silly hat though, which goes a long way with us, but sadly not far enough.  Buckle in for magicians, jewel thieves, and a  Master Manipulater.  Apparently.  This episode contains descriptions of fictionised violence, and of course, is full of SPOILERS.  Our ne...

Send us Fan Mail Better late than never! Apologies for the late delivery of this episode; Trial and Retribution knocked us out and it took us an extra few days to digest. Especially with all those maggots. All. Those. Maggots.  If you can stomach maggots though (not literally), and want to see Richard E Grant in FULL flow, then we recommend watching this series of Trial and Retribution.  This epis...

Send us Fan Mail What great japes this programme is! We thought Sister Boniface was really quite spiffing actually. There are lolly stick pipe holders, a chatty parrot, and a deadly puppet. Why ANYONE would choose to live in a village named "Great Slaughter" is beyond us, but thankfully Sister Boniface is on standby to solve the many, MANY, murders that happen there.  This episode contai...

Send us Fan Mail Taggart! At last, oh happy (if a bit grim) days! We have venomous snakes in beds, cars, and dog food, a spider up your sleeve, juicy frogs, fatal spaghetti, and a lot of TERRIBLE hair! And a description of Lex's Burns Night outfit from the early 2000s, because why not.  This episode contains descriptions of fictionalised violence, and, of course, is full of SPOILERS.  At time...

Send us Fan Mail Tally ho! Pip pip! We have a bit of everything for you today: pigs, highballs, wham kapow fights, more pigs, a history lesson about the English Civil War, a crucified scarecrow, and yet more pigs. Also, if you don't want to hear our thoughts on HMRC and the DWP then fast forward the first five minutes.  This episode contains descriptions of fictionalised violence, and, of cou...

Send us Fan Mail Do you remember The Inspector Lynley Mysteries? Yeah, this is that. Did we need it rebooted? Let's find out! Lex gives us a history lesson on the London sewer network (thank you, Joseph Bazalgette), we discuss men's fashions, hand grenades, and the Rusty Trowel, and take a moment to celebrate the dad bod. All in the name of Lynley. At time of recording "Lynley"...

Send us Fan Mail Listeners! We're back! We have missed you! Have you missed us? (don't answer that) We're back for a quick interim ep to talk about the crime dramas we did and didn't watch over Christmas. Don't worry, there are no spoilers this week, so if you haven't watched anything and are planning to catch up, then you can listen with confidence. Unless you are lo...

Send us Fan Mail Bonjour! We're in Paris and our detective, Maigret, is investigating a series of stabbings. Unfortunately for him the press, his boss, and sometimes his wife, all think he's doing a RUBBISH job. But fear not, with the help of his pipe and fedora, he will solve this case. But not before there are a couple more killings. He gets his man and, would you believe it, the probl...

Send us Fan Mail What do a harpoon, a corkscrew, a giant toblerone, and Jane McDonald's secretions all have in common? They're all murder weapons of course!  Welcome to the delightfully bonkers Death on the Tyne! This isn't our usual speed but we loved it, especially as it stars our heroine, Sue Johnston. If you fancy murders on a ship, but don't want The Good Ship Murder (and,...

Send us Fan Mail Friends, this whole episode is about us finding more Sue Johnston to love, with a bit of Madame Blanc on the side. Actually, this is probably our most chaotic episode yet. Yay! Fear not, we still spend plenty of time in the world of Jean White, aka Madame Blanc, along with dodgy antiques dealers, our foreign language failings, layers of wigs, and, be still our beating hearts, a CH...

Send us Fan Mail Has "Murphy's Law" ever been compared to the 70's classic "Abigail's Party" before? Well, there's a first time for everything. This early episode of Jimmy Nesbitt's gritty cop drama combines high farce with delicate pathos in a way that is, in Lex's words, "confusing."  Which blonde was it?? Stay tuned to find out. This e...

Send us Fan Mail Apologies for the tardy release of this one; half term duties disrupted things a smidge! But have no fear, Hetty is here at last. She is on the trail of a poison pen writer who has a whole village gripped in terror - who will be accused of being a shag bandit rubber knickers next??  Sue Johnston graces our screens again at last, albeit in a huge black wig, and thankfully there is...

Send us Fan Mail Let's play Crime Drama bingo! We have a closed circle mystery in a country house with the Met Police drafted in to solve multiple murders featuring arterial spray on the ceiling along with adultery  and a splash of incest! Lynley has got it all! Lynley himself has the demeanor of Tory MP harrassing an intern, and his side kick, Havers, has the hairstyle of her name sake, Nige...

Send us Fan Mail Oh, the nineties, the decade of crime drama that just keeps giving! Touching Evil is at the gritty end of the scale and has all the tropes we have come to know and roll our eyes at. There is bad arterial spray, good arterial spray, creepy killers, and very low lighting. And at the end of this episode you may understand why we have only been communicating with each other via Jimmy...

Send us Fan Mail Welcome to our FIFTIETH EPISODE! (Not including bonus or interimming etc.) This milestone completely passed us by when we were recording this. Never mind. Onwards!  Kerry Godliman plays our heroine, Pearl Nolan, and there is a suitable amount of silliness on offer in Whitstable Pearl. However, we'd had a couple of little drinkies and get waylaid along some tangents. We discus...

Send us Fan Mail *The version that we initially published was dodgy - nowt untoward, but Lily's track blanked out for 15 mins. Maybe you'd prefer it like this? Anyway, this version should be complete. Apols!* London Kills... a great tagline for our capital city? Possibly not, but not a bad programme as it turns out.  A body is found under some decking in the garden of a student house in...

Send us Fan Mail Lex is in Turkey and Lily is FINE with that.  Our next episode is on "London Kills" season two, episode one. It is available on BBC Iplayer in the UK, Acorn TV and others in the US, and Binge and Foxtel in Australia. Watch out for those buses.  Original artwork by Mike Luckie instagram.com/mikeluckieillustration/ Music: Mystery Box by V. Draganov

Send us Fan Mail Better late than never! Apologies for the late episode, the combination of lack of WiFi and the school holidays scuppered us for a few days. But we're here now! In Death Valley! No, not the American one, the one in Wales with all the murders and Dave Coaches from Gavin and Stacey.  Basically four weddings and not a funeral, but someone who dies because laxative poisoning made...

Send us Fan Mail Welcome to Vincent AND TEAM. Because Vincent would be nothing without his team. Well, he would be dead or in prison. And that's what happens when you try and deal with things just using your fists .  Anyway, it turns out that Lex really likes Ray Winstone, and arterial spray (although not together), and that her first born slept really well as a baby. Lily is also fussy about...

Send us Fan Mail Detective Chief Superintendent Christopher Foyle has a crime to solve, and it's in a Funk Hole (brother, check it out now)! It's WWII and there are crimes aplenty, most of them in said funk hole, which is not an underground bar, but an excuse for a hotel putting up those who wish to tap out of the war, and can afford to do so. There are a couple of deaths, some stolen ti...