Crafting Solutions to Conflict

The Johari Window model is a visual framework, with four quadrants. Its goal is to improve self-awareness, including understanding your conscious and unconscious biases. The model is typically used in some sort of team setting. The workplace is the most obvious application. Extended families, too, often work together in some sense – to share time and resources. Next time a focus on putting the mod...

David Gage visits the show to talk about the work that flows from the concept spelled out in his book, The Partnership Charter: How to Start Out Right With Your New Business Partnership (or Fix the One You’re In).  The Charter goes beyond legal themes to help partners discover, discuss, and document just how they want their partnership to work. You can learn more about the book and the process tha...

It’s a two-step process. And the second part might be the more important. Before you move on, do what you can to improve the situation. Resolve the conflict, on your own or with professional help. Or, if that is not possible, perhaps you can mitigate it. Or perhaps just open some eyes and minds. Then, know you did what you could. And move on with your life. Not slamming doors and also not getting...

The power of the cumulative effect is often overlooked and underestimated.  Microaggressions are an excellent example of the power of the cumulative effect: the ongoing repetition of the indignities has an impact greater than one or two. My most recent guest mentioned them when discussing unconscious bias.  https://bit.ly/3vDo04G “Buki Mosaku on navigating unconscious bias” I previously talked abo...

Buki Mosaku is the author of “I Don’t Understand: Navigating Unconscious Bias in the Workplace”.  We discuss the inevitability of unconscious bias in the workplace and recognizing that it isn’t always a one-way street.  We talk about simple and complex unconscious bias: how to think about bias and concrete steps for each of us to take to address it. Most specifically: using the simple phrase, “I d...

The well-known Golden Rule can fall short when applied in end-of-life situations. A research article makes the case for The Platinum Rule. The Platinum Rule: A New Standard for Person-Centered Care, by Harvey Max Chochinov , OC, PhD, MD, FRCPC : https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9145569/   “The  Platinum Rule,  which would have us consider— doing unto patients as they would want done un...

The general idea of The Golden Rule is to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Less well-known, The Platinum Rule states you should treat others the way they would like to be treated. Taking a step beyond The Golden Rule to The Platinum Rule can help us to connect better with the other person, to step away from our natural and normal impulse to see everything through our own eyes, an...

I hope that listeners have enjoyed what they have heard this year. Here are a few favorites: “We reap what we sow”, Episode 256, published on November 22, 2023. https://bit.ly/3Gdp2X5 . It was followed by Episode 257: “What seeds will you sow now?”, published on November 29, 2023. https://bit.ly/482bl9i Jay Hughes was back to discuss a favorite topic. Episode 258: “Jay Hughes on the role of elders...

Nick Rion is a personal and professional relationship coach. We talk about creating relationships intentionally, understanding what we want from a relationship. Nick’s framework of ten habits can help set up a relationship to be “conflict-ready”, able to handle disagreements that inevitably happen. You can learn more about Nick’s work and contact him through his website: https://www.nicolasrion.co...

We can have the very best of intentions when we deeply desire the perfect answer. Most of the time, there is none. When we find ourselves with a problem to solve or a situation to deal with we can develop a laser focus, bent on discovering that perfect answer. The only solution. We can expend lots of time and energy searching endlessly and fruitlessly for it. Or we could simply put off making a de...

Jay Hughes is back for a second visit to the podcast. Jay has spent decades devoted to service to families. He has more insights into how to help families flourish than we can cover in a single podcast episode. Today, we are focused on a topic of particular interest to Jay: how elders help families thrive. Identifying potential elders, nurturing them, and as they step into and inhabit the role, ho...

Last time, I talked about seizing the opportunity to use an annual, or at least periodic, event to check in on ourselves. What seeds have we sown? What are we reaping? f you did check in, and you don’t like what you see, what seeds will you sow now? It would be good to think in terms of seeds: small things. Things that can grow, with attention, into bigger things. Not trying to plant a full oak tr...

When this episode publishes, it will be Thanksgiving Eve in the U.S. Let’s focus on the harvest perspective. We reap what we sow. Annual events – and those that happen more frequently but have a set occurrence – present an opportunity. We can check in on ourselves.  We can take a little time to stop and think about what we are doing all the time, routinely. What expectations have been set in our f...

Vincent Valeri helps rising gen members of successful families to find their own way. As they determine what success means to them and how that relates to the broader family, they benefit from Vincent’s experience of having been part of his own family’s business as a young man. You can learn more about Vincent here:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/vincentvaleri/ You can also reach him and learn more...

Evolving the Conversation: conversation is communication. And communication is essential to handling conflict well: keeping the good kind collaborative and creative and addressing the bad kind before it gets ugly. One research-based presentation I attended was about understanding the very different perspectives that individuals in a family business may have in a nearly identical situation. And, ho...

Kirby Rosplock has honed her expertise in the area of family offices over a number of years. She has written – and continues to write – about insights she has gleaned and has created a learning platform to accompany her consulting practice. We talk about how to navigate conflict in the family office space and her Four Circle Governance Model. You can find her on LinkedIn here:  Kirby Rosplock, PhD...

When we hear the word steadfast, we hear something positive. Especially when applied to ourselves. Strong, committed, loyal perhaps. Stubborn?  Not so positive. Particularly when applied to another person. Pigheaded. Unreasonable. Impossible to deal with. How should we navigate steadfast and stubborn, from a conflict perspective?  We can strive to be steadfast regarding our principles, our values....

The word “grievance” appears regularly in the context of workplace conflict. In the U.S. and other English-speaking countries, it usually refers to a document filed by a union to raise a complaint of some sort of wrong-doing. Recently, the term “grievance” has been cropping up more and more often in other contexts. In the U.S., it’s being applied to groups of people in cultural and political spher...

I am excited and proud to publish Episode 250. That’s a lot of weeks since January 2019.Big thanks to my audience, guests, podcasting pals (especially Steve, Tania, Curtis, Danny, Heidi, and Matt), my friends and family.  Also, all who suggest possible topics and guests. Keep those ideas coming, please! Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict...

Penny Tremblay’s book,  Sandbox Strategies for the New Workplace, Conflict Resolution from the Inside Out , has an array of insights that can be applied both in the workplace, and beyond. We talk about remembering to focus on our own role in interpersonal conflict.  What pushes our buttons may not push others – so let’s look at our own buttons. You can learn more about Penny and her work here: htt...

Just plain no can be important and difficult in a valued ongoing relationship.  “No, I won’t.”   “No, you can’t.”  “No, that isn’t going to work.” Sometimes we can’t bring ourselves to believe that the best answer – and maybe the only answer – is no. Other times, we fully recognize that no is the answer, yet it’s so hard to say. It can be tempting to avoid, delay, or fudge the no. And rarely a goo...

You may have heard glowing reviews recently of the succession planning at the giant conglomerate and family business LVMH. The founder, Bernard Arnault, has been applauded for how he has worked to position his five children to succeed in the business. Mr. Arnault, a successful corporate raider, has worked hard to keep his own firm out of reach of others like him.  Here’s the flaw: what we have hea...

Bess de Boer is convinced that  fear is the main ingredient in conflict. Bess works with people in conflict to see that the other person is trapped in the same predicament, then allowing each person to resurface their vulnerability and feel safe to be themselves. You can learn more about her work here:   https://www.bessdeboer.com/ . You can watch her TedX talk here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?...

In a situation of continuing negative conflict, finding a time to turn the page can be helpful. It can assume different forms. You could use some sort of “marker” to suggest to the other person or people involved that you find a way to resolve the situation. A date on the calendar. A passage of time. An event. You may also consider your own perspective on a conflict, without regard to the others i...

When you have little to say, say very little. You don’t need to share an opinion that creates needless nasty conflict. You won’t convince people by saying the same words again and again. Allowing everyone to speak, especially before you speak again, is a wise idea.  Waiting in silence for someone else to gather their thoughts is worth any discomfort you may feel.  Do you have comments or suggestio...