Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Maria Arpa joins me to talk about her journey from a very challenging childhood to a mission to help families, organizations, and communities find effective solutions to problems. Maria is the creator of The Dialogue Road Map, which she uses in her own work. And it is critical to the deep engagement of the social change charity she created, the London-based Centre for Peaceful Solutions.  Learn mo...

Mediation is a flexible process. What matters is what works for the people involved and the mediator.  That the people in conflict are in control of the outcome. That the mediator is impartial. That the people in conflict are treated equally. And that anything said in confidence to the mediator stays in confidence. Think about mediation creatively and expansively. It’s a good fit in many circumsta...

I’ve been diving into helping people handle conflict for many years. Decades now. Early on, more than a few people could get mixed up about mediation and meditation. Fortunately, I haven’t seen that kind of mix-up for a long time.  But here’s a perennial one: mediation and arbitration. Merriam-webster.com has this to say:  arbitration is   the hearing and determination of a disputed case by an arb...

Janet Ettele joins me to talk about her new book, How Joyous Effort Works. It’s the fourth in her How Life Works series.  Through her books, Janet presents an accessible introduction to Buddhist principles, using the timeless power of story.  You can learn more about Janet’s work, including her books, here: https://janetettele.com/ Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An ide...

Here are three short episodes that were particular favorites this year. “The problem with perceptions” June 5, 2024 4:46 https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/podcast/episode-283-the-problem-with-perceptions?rq=284 “Not enough of a good thing” August 14, 2024 4:15 https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/podcast/nbspepisode-294-not-enough-of-a-good-thing?rq=294 “Satisfying vs. productive” Decembe...

Christianity’s Golden Rule, to do unto other as you would have them do unto you, is woven into nine other world religions (at least). Here’s the source for the phrasing in this episode: https://www.scarboromissions.ca/golden-rule/golden-rule-across-the-worlds-religions You can buy a poster there, too.  Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict m...

Kelly McDonald joins me to talk about her book, How to Work With and Lead People Not Like You. We talk about her take on constructive conflict and some fascinating and compelling research about the challenge and benefit of working with people not like you. You can learn more about this book and Kelly’s other books here: https://www.mcdonaldmarketing.com/ .She invites connection requests on LinkedI...

Satisfying or productive? In a way, an expansion on the idea of stopping yourself from uttering that clever, snarky comeback.  Definitely might be satisfying, but unlikely to be productive. More likely to be harmful: creating a conflict, exacerbating one, or laying the groundwork for trouble by creating ill feelings. In addition to snarky comments, consider actions, inactions, delays.  From a conf...

Rabbi Daniel Cohen joins me to talk about his book, What Will They Say About You When You Are Gone?: Creating a Life of Legacy. We discuss how we all create that legacy every day, even in the smallest moments. We talk about reverse engineering your life, anticipatory kindness, and Elijah moments.  You can learn more about the book, Rabbi Cohen’s new podcast, radio work, and The Legacy Academy at h...

It’s Thanksgiving week here in the U.S. We are encouraged, of course, to reflect on what we can be grateful for. There is more focus on our inward directed reflection than on expressing our gratitude to those around us. When we do look outward, in our interactions with others, can we try to add gracious to grateful? Not just because it would be nice. Being gracious now may lead us to be grateful d...

When you are truly stuck with a lousy option and need to accept it, what process can you follow? First, acknowledging the frustration. The grief. The loss. Second, trying to keep the finger-pointing and blame to a minimum.  Backward-looking “if onlys” don’t help. Third, trying to keep the focus on the future. Whatever that was now going to be.  If there were lessons to be learned, trying to absorb...

The idea that we can control our emotions is both unrealistic and potentially damaging. We can try to shut them down or bury them. But they won’t go away. They can corrode or explode. Better to make sure that our emotions do not control us – and our behavior. We can recognize the emotions and their effect on us. Then work to make sure we don’t give up our agency to them. Do you have comments or su...

It’s good advice to “be humble in victory and gracious in defeat”, a phrase credited to Chrisopher Earle.  Humble: no gloating, no mocking. Gracious: accepting the outcome, no blaming those who enforce the rules fairly, no finger pointing at your teammates. But both can be tough to do, especially in the current political climate in the U.S. Which leads to another quote: “If you can't say anything...

Empathy is demonstrating an understanding of another person's feelings and needs. Sympathy shows concern for another person’s misfortune, but not necessarily with the same connection. Pity can be sympathy with judgment or condescension. Empathy can be very helpful in the conflict context. Sympathy may be helpful. Pity can create or worsen problems. We need to be careful about what we are feeling a...

John Ford is a seasoned mediator.  He also describes himself as the purveyor of The Empathy Set. These are tools to help answer the fundamental questions that so often lie behind conflict: What are we feeling and what are we needing.  The tools include cards, an app, a dictionary and very cool talking sticks. We discuss how to use these tools effectively. To learn more about The Empathy Set and ac...

When we are in ongoing relationships, such as those in an extended family or family enterprise, we should be on the lookout for conflict patterns.  Is there a pattern to when we frequently end up in a bad conflict? A location can set up challenges in at least three different ways. First, a certain location can be the site of a previous dust-up, disappointment, or even tragedy. Revisiting that part...

When we are in ongoing relationships in an extended family or family enterprise, we should be on the lookout for patterns.  Is there a pattern to when we frequently end up in a bad conflict? Which is probably easier to notice than when we don’t end up there. One easy-to-detect factor is timing. Are meetings scheduled at a time of day that is primed for frustration? Are participants in decision-mak...

In the context of a dispute or conflict, we may easily overlook progress. We might miss markers all together. We may see them but dismiss them as no big deal. Baby steps matter. How?  First, though they may be only slight improvements, they are improvements.  Second, they usually indicate some success in those who are in conflict working together in some small way. Third, marking that progress – a...

Most podcasts don’t last as long as mine. Some recent statistics are available here: Podcastpage.io   https://bit.ly/3THcApJ . Why have I been publishing every week for five and a half years?!   I think it breaks down to three things. First, understanding conflict and helping people deal with it better is my passion -- and has been for decades. Second, the podcast gives me the opportunity to talk...

Kristin Keffler joins me for this episode. Kristin is the author of The Myth of the Silver Spoon: Navigating Family Wealth & Creating an Impactful Life. We talk about Kristin’s personal, educational, and professional journeys – and how those threads come together to inform her writing and her work today, especially for Rising Gens in financially significant families. Kristin gives us a brief intro...

Last time, I talked about the alure of a common language. On the plus side, this shorthandsaves time. A common phrase conveys meaning quickly. When I use it, I demonstrate that I know the lingo of this group. We feel a sense of connection when we use our own group language. What could go wrong? A few things.  What if some people are brand new to a group and don’t know the lingo? Will they feel unw...

Similar ideas expressed differently across groups/identities/fields of interest.  Words that are familiar and well-understood within a group. That common language. Shorthand. Lingo. Jargon, even.  Why do we do it? It saves time, that precious commodity. It can be a signifier: I understand the language of this group. And it reinforces our connection to each other within the group: this is the way t...

Douglas Squirrel joins me to talk about the book he co-authored with Jeffrey Frederick, Agile Conversations: Transform Your Conversations, Transform Your Culture. And we discuss an atypical definition of trust, five types of conversations, and what he means by this phrase: “bust your coherence”. You can learn more about the work that Squirrel (as he likes to be known) does and find resources here:...

LARA is a communication and conflict resolution method. Listen: First listen with the intention of truly understanding what the person is saying. Affirm: Find something in what the person has said or implied that you share and affirm that. Respond: Directly address the concern that was voiced or the feeling behind it. Ask open-ended questions and then add new information, new perspective or person...

Usually, we hear about too much of a good thing. Of course, we might not all agree on whether something even is a good thing. Three separate ideas have cropped up recently about our needing more of something that I, at least, believe is a good thing. More of what we don’t prefer, more polite disagreement, and more benefit of the doubt. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An...