Crafting Solutions to Conflict

You can learn more about Kristen and her company on the company website:  https://www.inthreegenerations.com/ You can also find them on LinkedIn and Instagram.    Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at  jb@dovetailresolutions.com ! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and...

Last time, I talked about how each of us can find different methods for calming our own emotions. I have talked before about thinking through how to support the other person engaged with you in a challenging conversation to be their best self. Just like you, -- it’s true for all of us – they will be better able to analyze the situation and to make better decisions when they are calm. So, what do y...

I thank Cinnie Noble, who created the CINERGY conflict management model in which I am certified, for sparking this idea. In her most recent talk with certified coaches, Cinnie reminded us about the importance of allowing – and helping – brains to calm down. When emotions are carrying the day, our ability to analyze a situation effectively and to make good decisions is compromised. We are simply no...

Melissa Mitchell-Blitch joins me.  We talk about her book, In the Company of Family: How to Thrive When Business is Personal. Melissa shares some thought-provoking concepts about healthy boundaries that apply to family business relationships and truly any kind of relationship. Ideas about responsibility, hurt vs. harm, and true guilt vs. false guilt.  You can learn more about Melissa’s work here:...

In my latest three solo episodes, I’ve talked about watching our spoken language, our facial and body language, and our written language. Often, we will have a choice about what mode of communication to pursue. It’s worth some careful thought. If we take advantage of the opportunity to carefully craft and review what we write, that’s a plus. Sometimes, our tone of voice and our facial and body exp...

We can carefully draft a message, set it aside, and then calmly review it to determine whether we like how it reads to someone receiving it. Because that is the point, isn’t it? Our own satisfaction with our wordsmithing is far less important than the message received.  Written language has a different risk from spoken language: our words can be shared, verbatim, immediately or eventually. Photoco...

Amy Castoro joins me to explore the concept of cordial hypocrisy. What it means and how families can avoid it – including the importance of creating, and cultivating, a family culture of open and honest communication. You can learn more about Amy’s work here:  https://www.thewilliamsgroup.org/ .  Or you can reach out to Amy’s assistant here: joan@thewilliamsgroup.org .  Do you have comments or sug...

Last time, I talked about spoken language. This time it’s body language and facial language. You have likely heard that a very large percentage of our communication is not spoken. Some slips are things you know you shouldn’t do. Let’s focus on what to do about that.  Do you know that you are doing it? Try this. When you are talking on the phone with someone who can try your patience, watch yoursel...

Without much thought, we can use words and phrases that subtly or strongly convey meaning – and do unnecessary harm.  A” blended family” is more positive than a “stepfamily”. “Always” and “never” are words that frequently cause harm (and are often inaccurate). “I” statements can lead to more positive conversations than accusatory ones. Vague words like “you” and “soon” invite trouble.  These examp...

Emily Bouchard combines her academic learning, professional experience, and personal awareness to serve blended families. We talk about reframing stepfamilies to blended families, ex-partners to former partners, and bonus parents – examples of the importance of careful language and intentional communication to enable families to thrive. And we hear a taste of Emily’s work with humans connecting wi...

A false start in a conflict situation can appear in different ways. We can create a conflict where none existed or when we make a good faith attempt to resolve a conflict. Of course, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. A concept so fundamental that it was the focus of Episode 11, way back on March 13, 2019.  But if a false start has occurred, remember and take advantage of the fact of...

There is widespread agreement that the phrase comes from a military engagement, though which one is the original is less clear. Fundamentally, what is the cost to take that hill, to hold the high ground. Then weighing it against the advantage. In interpersonal conflict, we can benefit by going through that analysis explicitly and thoughtfully. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or g...

The general idea of Community Mediation is that trained volunteers work on neighbor disputes. The volunteer mediators are impartial. This approach can keep disputes out of court. And that’s the most common understanding of it. But community mediation can be much more. First, the individuals in a specific mediated dispute can experience a way to address disagreements and conflict  beyond just hatin...

Maria Arpa joins me to talk about her journey from a very challenging childhood to a mission to help families, organizations, and communities find effective solutions to problems. Maria is the creator of The Dialogue Road Map, which she uses in her own work. And it is critical to the deep engagement of the social change charity she created, the London-based Centre for Peaceful Solutions.  Learn mo...

Mediation is a flexible process. What matters is what works for the people involved and the mediator.  That the people in conflict are in control of the outcome. That the mediator is impartial. That the people in conflict are treated equally. And that anything said in confidence to the mediator stays in confidence. Think about mediation creatively and expansively. It’s a good fit in many circumsta...

I’ve been diving into helping people handle conflict for many years. Decades now. Early on, more than a few people could get mixed up about mediation and meditation. Fortunately, I haven’t seen that kind of mix-up for a long time.  But here’s a perennial one: mediation and arbitration. Merriam-webster.com has this to say:  arbitration is   the hearing and determination of a disputed case by an arb...

Janet Ettele joins me to talk about her new book, How Joyous Effort Works. It’s the fourth in her How Life Works series.  Through her books, Janet presents an accessible introduction to Buddhist principles, using the timeless power of story.  You can learn more about Janet’s work, including her books, here: https://janetettele.com/ Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An ide...

Here are three short episodes that were particular favorites this year. “The problem with perceptions” June 5, 2024 4:46 https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/podcast/episode-283-the-problem-with-perceptions?rq=284 “Not enough of a good thing” August 14, 2024 4:15 https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/podcast/nbspepisode-294-not-enough-of-a-good-thing?rq=294 “Satisfying vs. productive” Decembe...

Christianity’s Golden Rule, to do unto other as you would have them do unto you, is woven into nine other world religions (at least). Here’s the source for the phrasing in this episode: https://www.scarboromissions.ca/golden-rule/golden-rule-across-the-worlds-religions You can buy a poster there, too.  Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict m...

Kelly McDonald joins me to talk about her book, How to Work With and Lead People Not Like You. We talk about her take on constructive conflict and some fascinating and compelling research about the challenge and benefit of working with people not like you. You can learn more about this book and Kelly’s other books here: https://www.mcdonaldmarketing.com/ .She invites connection requests on LinkedI...

Satisfying or productive? In a way, an expansion on the idea of stopping yourself from uttering that clever, snarky comeback.  Definitely might be satisfying, but unlikely to be productive. More likely to be harmful: creating a conflict, exacerbating one, or laying the groundwork for trouble by creating ill feelings. In addition to snarky comments, consider actions, inactions, delays.  From a conf...

Rabbi Daniel Cohen joins me to talk about his book, What Will They Say About You When You Are Gone?: Creating a Life of Legacy. We discuss how we all create that legacy every day, even in the smallest moments. We talk about reverse engineering your life, anticipatory kindness, and Elijah moments.  You can learn more about the book, Rabbi Cohen’s new podcast, radio work, and The Legacy Academy at h...

It’s Thanksgiving week here in the U.S. We are encouraged, of course, to reflect on what we can be grateful for. There is more focus on our inward directed reflection than on expressing our gratitude to those around us. When we do look outward, in our interactions with others, can we try to add gracious to grateful? Not just because it would be nice. Being gracious now may lead us to be grateful d...

When you are truly stuck with a lousy option and need to accept it, what process can you follow? First, acknowledging the frustration. The grief. The loss. Second, trying to keep the finger-pointing and blame to a minimum.  Backward-looking “if onlys” don’t help. Third, trying to keep the focus on the future. Whatever that was now going to be.  If there were lessons to be learned, trying to absorb...

The idea that we can control our emotions is both unrealistic and potentially damaging. We can try to shut them down or bury them. But they won’t go away. They can corrode or explode. Better to make sure that our emotions do not control us – and our behavior. We can recognize the emotions and their effect on us. Then work to make sure we don’t give up our agency to them. Do you have comments or su...