Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Dr. Mitch Abrams joins me to talk about his book, I’m Not F*cking Angry!: adjust the flame to get what you want and need.  We discuss the distinction between anger and aggression, and our perceptions of aggression vs. assertiveness.  Plus, some helpful insights about apologies: as the person offering one and as the person on the receiving end.  You can learn more about his work and contact him thr...

Three brief episodes from me. It’s just a coincidence that they published three in a row in the summer. First, Episode 345, published on July 30, 2025, “Conversations, chats, discussions….” 4:23,  http://bit.ly/40O1p1X . Second, Episode 346, published on August 6, 2025, “First you make a plan”. 4:27,  http://bit.ly/4fA7hlG . Third, Episode 347, published on August 13, 2025, “… and then you get rea...

My most recent guests, Alice Driscoll and Louise van Haarst, talked with me about their book, Smart Conflict: How to have hard conversations at work. They introduced their Five R Model: Reflection, Regulation, Readiness, Response, and Repair.  The very words “caught off guard” set the tone. You are on defense. It’s a difficult conversation. Because you didn’t see this coming, you do not have a res...

My most recent guests, Alice Driscoll and Louise van Haarst, talked with me about their book, Smart Conflict: How to have hard conversations at work. They introduced their Five R Model: Reflection, Regulation, Readiness, Response, and Repair. Thinking about Response. There are times when you know the likely path a difficult conversation will take.  You may know the other person well. Or you may ha...

Alice Driscoll and Louise van Harrst join me today. We talk about their book, Smart Conflict: How to have hard conversations at work. Our conversation is in two parts.  Last time, in Part 1, we covered the foundation for the contents of the book and discuss and overview of the five Rs of their model. This time, in Part 2, we continue with a deeper dive into those five Rs – noting that it is possib...

Alice Driscoll and Louise van Harrst join me today. We talk about their book, Smart Conflict: How to have hard conversations at work. Our conversation is in two parts. Today, in Part 1, we cover the foundation for the contents of the book and discuss and overview of the five Rs of their model.  And next time, in Part 2,  we continue with a deeper dive into those five Rs – noting that it is possibl...

Way back in March 2020, I published two episodes about VUCA. VUCA V - U -C- A is an acronym describing a concept that was developed by the U. S. Army War College to describe the world after the end of the Cold War. A world that was more Volatile, V; Uncertain, U: Complex, C; and Ambiguous, A. Peter Schein talked with me in Episode 361, published two weeks ago, about his book, Humble Inquiry: The G...

My most recent guest, Peter Schein, talked with me about his book, Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling. Peter makes a distinction between Humble Inquiry and humility. The Humble Inquiry attitude does not require humility as a personality trait. Some of us do tend toward arrogance. Yet, that trait does not preclude the application of Humble Inquiry. Peter suggests thinking o...

Peter Schein joins the show to  talk about his book, the third edition of Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling. Peter had previously written with his father, Edgar Schein, now deceased. We discuss the concept of humbly inquiring, instead of boldly telling, with the goal of building relationships. And we explore how Humble Inquiry is both an art and an attitude.  You can lear...

“Holding off” may seem to be the opposite of jumping in, but there are some other angles. Holding off has a flavor of deliberate choice. I am thinking this through and reaching the conclusion that now is not the time. This is not the same as wimping out. It’s a decision based on a reasoned analysis.  Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict man...

In the context of preventing and resolving bad conflict, “jumping in” will typically be a bad idea. Why? Because it is fast. That’s the whole point. Life today both prizes speed and forces it as the world seems to change faster and faster. The problem? Fast serves us well when being chased by a tiger, but not so well in many other situations.  When we allow ourselves some time to actually think, w...

Buddy Thomas joins me to talk about his book: Love, Wisdom, Money: The Family Fiduciary’s Guide to Generative Wealth. We discuss the higher standards of being a family fiduciary and how family leaders become one. Buddy also describes the phases of the intergenerational wealth journey the families can be found in: Accumulators, Harvesters, Stewards, Survivors, or Heirs.  You can learn more about hi...

To infer means to guess or use reasoning. Another definition is to conclude or judge from premises or evidence. To imply means to suggest indirectly or to indicate something without actually stating it. I, the listener or reader, need to try to figure out the message that you, the speaker or writer, are sending.  And I might guess wrong.  Not only am I interpreting what I hear and read through my...

My most recent guest, Gerry O’Sullivan, talked with me about her process, The Journey of Inference. As she puts it succinctly: “Our Journey of Inference interprets the world of observable data according to our unique perspective or paradigm.” It’s clear from Gerry’s process and our conversation that our inferences can get us into trouble, precisely because we each carry a unique perspective or par...

Our initial reaction to criticism can be exactly that: a reaction more than a response. And it can be black or white. Neither of those things tends to help. Better. Remind yourself that very few things in life are genuinely black or white. Take a pause. Take a breath.  Take a look at the criticism. No need to beat up on yourself or on the other person.  View the criticism through a careful lens. O...

In the story of the Angry Man, the Buddha illustrates how to disarm criticism based or anger or rudeness. A young man came to insult the Buddha, but the Buddha did not become angry or insulted. Instead, he calmly asked the man a question:  "If someone offers you a gift and you decline to accept it, to whom does it belong?".  The young man replied that the gift would belong to the person who offere...

Sam Osborne joins me today. We talk about his book, How to Beat the Imposter Syndrome and Be Confident.  We discuss the need to know your own values, how to deal with criticism positively, and how to believe in yourself when others don’t. You can learn more about Sam’s work and find resources at  https://www.selfworthsam.com/ . Sam’s social media handle is selfworthsam. Do you have comments or sug...

The mediation process can be tailored to the needs of the participants and the mediator. In fact, the process can evolve a bit over the course of multiple mediation sessions. The process can be focused on a very specific, time-limited, dispute that has erupted. Or it can be all about damaging simmering tensions that are lurking beneath the surface – with no blow-up … yet. Different situations, dif...

When I started way back in January of 2019, conventional wisdom was that most podcasts die out after seven episodes. Now, over six years later, 90% of podcasts don’t make it past three episodes. They say that’s largely due to creators underestimating how much work is involved.  When I launched the podcast, I knew that I wanted to have a voice about conflict. A positive and practical perspective. T...

In mediation, an impartial person helps the people involved to reach an agreement that works for them.  Mediation is often said to consist of three main types. Some mediators stick quite closely to one approach.  Others feel comfortable favoring one or another in different situations. The lines can blur in practice more than they do in theory.  Broadly speaking, the main “types” are evaluative, fa...

Phyllis Weiss Haserot joins me today. Phyllis has been curious about cross-generational communication for decades. She built on her natural ability with education and experience. We talk about the danger of making assumptions, the value in asking good questions, and the importance of continuing conversations.  You can reach her by email here:  pwhasarot@pdcounsel.com , find her on LinkedIn here: h...

Last time, I talked about the virtue of making a plan.  The situation isn’t good. Bad conflict is brewing. You have decided that it’s time for a chat. You want this chat to be productive. So how do you set up for success? One way to work through the set-up is to break it down.   Why?  Who? When? How? Where? What?           Excellent. You have made a plan. A good one.  Oops.  As plans do, this one...

Let’s imagine for a moment that you have decided that it’s time for a conversation, chat, or discussion. One way to work through the set-up is to break it down.  Why?  Who? When? How? Where? What?  Giving careful thought to the planning process gives a boost to the probability of success.  Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or...

We send a message by the language we use.  In my work, some people don’t want to engage in mediation because they feel the connotation is too negative. But they are comfortable with the idea that I would be that trained, impartial third person who helps them navigate their way to a resolution.  If that language works for them, it’s fine by me. In informal settings, without a third party, what do y...