Crafting Solutions to Conflict

In October 2018, I started to learn how to produce and host a podcast, and the Crafting Solutions to Conflict launchpad was built. My original idea evolved to one that would allow me to share some of the useful tips I have learned over the years, the insights of interesting guests, and a few observations on topics about conflict.  Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea...

Every year, The Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR) celebrates Conflict Resolution Day. This year it’s on October 17th. ACR is an international, professional organization enhancing the practice and public understanding of conflict resolution. Members include mediators, arbitrators, educators and other conflict resolution practitioners. ACR’s Vision:  All people know their choices for conflic...

Through his two businesses, Jamie Forbes brings empathy and trust to the forefront of his work, encouraging communication and healing.  We spoke mostly about his work with Forbes Legacy Advisors, Jamie helps families align values and priorities with how they use their money.  https://forbeslegacyadvisors.com/     Through Hadley Rock Advisors, Jamie helps schools and survivors navigate the challeng...

We tend to hesitate to address conflict, but there are important advantages to taking the plunge. If we care about the relationship, we don’t want negative conflict to start, to escalate, or to continue. We really can’t do much to get the other person to make the first move, but we can control our own behavior. And, who knows, maybe you will find you are fascinated by conflict, as I am. If so, we...

Making a commitment to address a conflict together is an important, and often overlooked, step in a conflict resolution process. A commitment to work together reduces the stress of the conflict, establishes some common ground and a first agreement, provides some momentum when the going gets tough, and demonstrates that you value the relationship. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic o...

Scott Perry is the person behind the Creative on Purpose community, newsletter, blog, broadcast, and coaching program. Scott captures the flavor of his work succinctly.  The Creative on Purpose Vision & Mission: Vision  - Creative on Purpose makes things better by helping aspiring and advancing difference-makers enhance their lives through endeavors that elevate the lives of others. Mission  - Cre...

A few simple ideas can help minimize the risk of conflict over an estate: get professional help, avoid misleading your loved ones, and use common sense. Last time, I talked about some of the late Aretha Franklin’s estate planning blunders. All of us can benefit from working with a competent lawyer. If we feel we can’t bring ourselves to inform loved ones about our estate plan, we can at least avoi...

Even the best estate planning doesn’t guarantee prevention of all conflict over an estate. But some actions and inactions can significantly increase the risk that conflict will break out. Aretha Franklin was an outstanding musician and a lousy estate planner. She nearly guaranteed that her family would fight over her estate by refusing to work with attorneys to create a plan, allowing her loved on...

Carolyn Wilkes Kaas, Esq., Co-director, Quinnipiac University School of Law Center on Dispute Resolution, discusses the Center’s comprehensive and creative perspective on dispute resolution. Carrie is also Associate Professor of Law and recently became Associate Dean of Experiential Education, a reflection of the Law School’s commitment to that teaching philosophy. The Center’s innovative approach...

As William Ury has phrased it: “Try to expand the pie before you divvy it up.” When a potentially damaging conflict is about dividing resources, think creatively about how big the pie can be. Getting to Yes, a bedrock book in the world of conflict resolution, was published by Roger Fisher and William Ury in 1981. It is filled with ideas and suggestions related to finding effective ways to reach ag...

Although we value speed in many contexts, hitting the pause button can serve us well in managing conflict. We can benefit from taking a breather in an ongoing attempt to address a conflict, from thinking deliberately about when to raise a difficult issue, and when stopping for a moment before spewing a snarky comment or reacting instinctively to a statement that pushes our own hot button. Do you h...

Steve Legler, family legacy advisor, shares his insights as a facilitator, mediator, and coach. Steve is based in Montreal. He has a personal perspective on family enterprise transitions and a commitment to education to help him serve families effectively. You can learn more about Steve, his books, and his blog at his website: https://shiftyourfamilybusiness.com/about/ Steve is on LinkedIn here: h...

: Embracing collaboration, creativity, and compassion allows us to handle conflict more effectively. The Purposeful Planning Institute (PPI) held its annual Rendezvous in Denver, Colorado last week. In a keynote address, founder John A. Warnick spoke of the value of Collaboration, Creativity, and Compassion as cornerstones of the work that PPI members do. Those three ideas can also be effective to...

Publishing my 30th episode is a marker and a cause for celebration. I started to learn to host and produce a podcast in fall, 2018. The Podcasting Fellowship was a great experience. I published a trailer in December, 2018 and then began publishing weekly in January, 2019. It’s a blast. Podcaster Joanna Penn has been at it for 10 years. I heard her anniversary episode in March, in which she spoke o...

Andrew Karlen, Esq., provides counsel to serve the legal and human needs of his client business owners. Business owners should be clear about their ultimate business goals as early as possible, and put those goals in writing. They should plan for a business exit that allows them to achieve their financial, family, and community goals – recognizing that the implementation of the plans they make wit...

Bad conflict (the damaging, anything-but-creative kind) happens. Knee-jerk reactions don’t help. When enmeshed in a bad conflict, it can be tempting to hunt for someone to blame. That’s not always useful. Think about what may have caused the problem (objective causes? subjective causes?) and then carefully consider your next steps.

Declarations in interpersonal relationships, such as ultimatums, can do unexpected lasting damage. Ultimatums, threats, and lines in the sand are hard to walk back, can cause a loss of face, and can lead to stalemate. It’s smart to think through the risks and rewards or the costs and benefits of declarations – before issuing them. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea...

Dr. Vanessa Avery shares insights on religious diversity training, conflict in religion, and her role as Consulting Director to the Sharing Sacred Spaces Initiative (SSSI). Vanessa shares her academic and professional path, including her interest in René Girard, the late French historian, literary critic, philosopher of social science, and author of Violence and the Sacred. Her work with SSSI has...

Approaching conflict with authenticity may seem difficult. Even if it is, it’s usually worth it. Perhaps the biggest advantage of authenticity is avoiding its opposite. And that’s because fake frequently fails. People usually know when the other person is not being genuine and resent it, even more than the genuine disagreement. Being authentic allows everyone involved to engage and move forward.

The phrase “yes, and” sends a different message from “yes, but”. “Yes, and” can lead to further discussion instead of rejection. The “yes, and” phrase comes from theater improvisation, where a statement is affirmed (yes) and then built upon (and). The same concept can apply in discussions about ideas and suggestions: instead of rejecting them with a list of their shortcomings (“yes, but”), acknowl...

Rogério Faé Rodrigues, currently a visiting scholar in the U.S., talks about helping enterprising families, in the U.S. and in his native Brazil. Rogério describes his work, as one of the founders of Une Consultoria, as a being a facilitator as much as a consultant: helping families to decide and implement what is best for that family. He noted that “there is no way of doing succession by impositi...

Managing conflicting memories of a past event can be essential to preventing and undoing damage in interpersonal conflicts. At times, it’s possible to have a civil conversation about those conflicting memories. In other cases, it’s best to agree to disagree and move on. Managing the potential damage to the valued relationship is the key. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest?...

Cookie cutters are great for making cookies: quick, easy, and uniform. Not so great for interpersonal conflicts. Cookie dough responds well to cookie cutters when all the conditions are consistent – that’s the idea! Humans aren’t consistent; we’re human. So, human interactions don’t respond well to a cookie cutter approach to conflict resolution. A solution crafted to address a particular conflict...

Louise Duncan, Managing Director of TetraMap International, in Auckland, NZ, described the framework’s key concept that “Strength lies in valuing differences”. Facilitators use a process that allows individuals to discover their own elemental preferences in the world of nature: earth, air, water, and fire. Louise recommended: “The Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workpla...

The tragic fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris demonstrated the value of having a plan and testing it as a way to reduce conflict and mitigate damage. The Fire Department devoted more than one hundred firefighters to rescuing artifacts in the cathedral. The plan identified key people and priorities. And it had been practice, on site, twice last year. These steps were essential in minimizing the...