Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Reconciliation Day, April 2nd, can serve as a catalyst to start to heal an estrangement. The late advice columnist Ann Landers created the day as a time each year to extend an olive branch of reconciliation over hurts caused by words or actions. You can learn more about its origins in the April 2, 2019 Reconciliation Day episode: https://bit.ly/2PnuhMO . Reconciliation Day can serve as a catalyst:...

Both the directness and the intensity with which we express disagreement influence the solution. A paper titled “The Directness and Oppositional Intensity of Conflict Expression” explored combinations of high or low directness and high or low intensity in expressing opposition.  The best approach, according to the paper, is high directness/low intensity. In that case, the clear expression of oppos...

Jim shares insights from his deep experience with legacy families – and shares a secret tip. Jim noted a few key points.  Not all differences are going to lead to damaging conflicts. When families work to manage conflicts, it’s not just about communication; negotiation will be necessary. Families will help themselves when they work to improve skills that promote effective negotiation. Families can...

Wise words from Desmond Tutu: “Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument.” Increasing your volume isn’t likely to win over anyone, and it might make matters worse. Improving your argument doesn’t mean make your language nastier, use big words where smaller ones would be better, or say everything twice. Instead: find the weak points in your argument and make them stronger, make the vague points...

March weather in some places can be like the participants in a mediation. In some parts of the world, the month of March starts cold and blustery and ends in a milder, gentler manner. The same can be true in the mediation process. People may start out frozen in their positions and feeling aggressive. By the end of the process, they may be willing to find a more temperate and more nimble way forwar...

Enterprising families can prevent nasty conflicts by embracing governance and “cleansing” Richa describes how families can adopt governance processes that fit their own situation, at the current time, and adapt them as circumstances change.  Having these processes in place to address challenging issues can prevent nasty conflict from occurring. In some cases, a family benefits from a “cleansing” t...

Talking about why a prenup makes sense before a potential life partner is involved prevents unnecessary conflict. The idea of a prenup can cause hurt and anger in the person who is asked to sign one.  A large part of the problem is the feeling that that being asked to sign one means that the spouse or, more likely, the intended spouse’s parents “don’t trust me!” or “don’t like me!”  If the parents...

Approaching conflict the same way repeatedly and expecting different results is “insanity”. Three different perspectives on handling conflict effectively suggest that taking the same approach to conflict over and again and expecting different (and, implicitly, better) results is “insanity”.  Dr. Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler’s Optimal Outcomes Method, Cinnie Nobles’ CINERGY® Conflict Management Coachin...

When situations resist resolution, the Optimal Outcomes Method teaches us conflict freedom. An Optimal Outcome maximizes our imagined future and reality. The method helps us to understand the conflict loop, to break the conflict pattern, and free ourselves from the loop. Learn more about Jen’s book, Optimal Outcomes: Free Yourself from Conflict at Work, at Home, and in Life at  https://jengoldmanw...

Unity of values or purpose can overcome a lack of unanimity on details. If unity requires that everyone is in unanimous, complete, agreement on every detail, then unity will be impossible to achieve in all but the smallest or the most rigid of groups. Better to have unity of values or unity of purpose and then live with the lack of unanimity on the smaller points. But one thing is crucial: We all...

Christopher Earle coined an excellent phrase about winners and losers. Be humble in victory and gracious in defeat. Conflict often ends with some as winners and some as losers. The current winner can become the loser next time – and vice versa. The choice we make – and it is a choice – about how to behave should reflect our own sense of honor. It’s true, too, that others will notice how we conduct...

Research and support for family firms is relatively new in Africa, a key motivation behind Tsitsi’s work. She knew about the work of family firms from an early age – both those that thrived and those that failed. An entrepreneur at heart, Tsitsi has become passionate about helping African family enterprises network, learn, and receive the recognition they deserve. She recently earned Certificates...

Dovetail Resolutions, LLC: high-quality, customized approaches to conflict that fit. The concept of dovetailing is well-known: things fitting together well. A dovetail joint is highly valued in carpentry: a custom creation, where the two pieces form a strong, interlocking connection. Resolutions sometimes represent conflict resolution of the mediated agreement type. Other times, a resolution is a...

2020 provides some useful takeaways for dealing with conflict effectively. This year has been full of challenges and many are happy to put it behind them. As we turn the page, we can benefit from remembering a few lessons. First, many individuals reached across differences to help each other – these successes can be lost in the scope of the challenges. Second, when grappling with the issue of raci...

A focus on visual leadership helps leaders more effectively imagine, communicate, and inspire. Visual images are proven to help us conceive of ideas, express those ideas to others, and encourage people to join us on a journey.  You can learn more about Todd on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/toddcherches/ . His personal website includes tips and information on his new book, VisuaLeadership ®...

Though it’s tempting to see things as black or white, embracing the gray is often worth the effort.

Harmony is about differences coming together, not everything being the same. We understand harmony in music to be different parts combining in a positive way. But we sometimes think of human harmony as a group without differences. In fact, human harmony mirrors musical harmony: the differences create the depth of the sound.  You can experience the NYC Virtual Choir and Orchestra demonstrating love...

Scapegoating is a pattern of behavior that can harm not just the target, but the others in the group as well. Sarah Peyton is a Nonviolent Communication trainer and neuroscience educator. She uses her knowledge and experience to explain why our brains can embrace scapegoating (when we are not the target). We discuss how groups, especially in the workplace, get involved in scapegoating and how to b...

I am grateful for the 100 weekly episodes of Crafting Solutions to Conflict published to date. This episode is the 100th weekly episode of the Crafting Solutions to Conflict podcast. I am thankful to Seth Godin and the coaches and peers who supported me through the second run of the Podcasting workshop, starting in October 2018. And to the Old Hands who were part of that group and continue to help...

Fisher and Ury use The Orange as a vivid illustration of a key concept In the book Getting to Yes, Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, Roger Fisher and William Ury tell the story of the orange.  It is a vivid illustration of the difference between interests and positions. When we state a position, it’s a proxy for our interest.  If we focus on the interests behind positions, we may more easil...

Our unconscious bias shapes our perspective in ways we don’t easily recognize or accept. Just days after the 2020 election in the U.S., we discuss how we all are affected by bias – in ways that we find hard to manage and hard to believe. Our emotional reactions are so fast and our commitment to our rationalizations so strong that it is difficult for us to change our own minds or to see that others...

The day after Election Day in the U.S. is featuring a number of factors that encourage conflict. Today’s challenges include uncertainty, high emotions, exhaustion, a highly significant outcome, and lots of noise. All of these can contribute to negative, destructive conflict. Yet we have also seen an absence of conflict that had been feared by some: violence and disruption in the voting process. Th...

Vik Kapoor on a UN Office of the Ombudsman pilot peer conflict coaching program Vik describes a pilot peer conflict coaching program underway in over 40 countries, as part of the work of the UN Office of the Ombudsman. Vik notes that the views he expresses are his own and do not reflect the views of the United Nations or the U.S. Federal Government in any way; any errors and omissions are his own....

Both inside the group in conflict and outside it, threads of conflict may be hidden below the surface. Hidden Threads of Conflict is the title of a presentation next week for the annual global conference of the Family Firm Institute (FFI). I am part of a panel of three, which is part of a larger group, which is itself a subset of the FFI Mediation Virtual Study Group. It’s been great to work with...

Every year, The Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR) celebrates Conflict Resolution Day. This year it’s on October 15th.  ACR is an international, professional organization enhancing the practice and public understanding of conflict resolution. Members include mediators, arbitrators, educators and other conflict resolution practitioners.  ACR’s Mission: ACR gives voice to the choices for qual...