Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Putting yourself in the shoes of the person you are in conflict with can provide valuable insights. It’s a key feature of the CINERGY conflict coaching model. Cinnie Noble, creator of the model, was my guest on Episode 69, published on April 22, 2020. Listen wherever you get your podcasts or here: https://bit.ly/2xtYMIl . In two recent instances, coaching clients discovered, by putting themselves...

In a recent blog post, Seth Godin riffed on Interested vs. Interesting.  In short, we are all interesting in our own way. That doesn’t necessarily mean that other people are interested in what we have to offer. Granted. Then I viewed the post through the lens of handling conflict better.         One suggestion that comes up in preventing and resolving negative conflicts is to adopt curiosity.  In...

Marlene’s most recent book is From Conflict to Courage: How to Stop Avoiding and Start Leading. We discuss dysfunctional leadership identities and how they can lead to conflict.  How to increase your conflict capacity. And how structure leads to behavior. You can find Marlene on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/marlenechism/ . You can also reach her by email, at marlene@marlenechism.com. Her...

Earlier this month, I attended my first in-person conference since early 2020, the Institute for Family Governance conference in New York City. During the lunch break, I chaired a roundtable discussion on addressing and preventing conflict in a family enterprise. Our conversation echoed – and amplified – some themes that we heard throughout the day. Setting expectations is key – well before a prob...

Implicit bias is an unconscious bias or prejudice that we have, which may be contrary to what we say we believe – or even what we think we believe. The Implicit Association Test (IAT) available through the Harvard University website. It’s free and takes ten to fifteen minutes to complete, on your own, online.  https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/takeatest.html . Project Implicit is a research pr...

Implicit bias is an unconscious bias or prejudice that we have, which may be contrary to what we say we believe – or even what we think we believe. The Implicit Association Test (IAT) available through the Harvard University website. It’s free and takes ten to fifteen minutes to complete, on your own, online. https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/takeatest.html . Project Implicit is a research pro...

The idea of the Ladder of Inference was introduced by Chris Argyris in 1970.  The concept became widely known when he and Peter Senge published The Fifth Discipline in 1992.  The Ladder of Inference helps us visualize how our brain processes work. Some of it with lightning speed. By better understanding what is happening, we can better address what isn’t serving us well. The Ladder of Inference ap...

Vik Kapoor is back for a second visit. His first was on October 29, 2020, in Episode 96. You can listen here:  https://bit.ly/2JcUcmZ That time we talked about the UN peer conflict coaching program that he was involved in. This time we discuss his book about self-coaching, First Serve Yourself: How Young Leaders Around the World are Winning on Their Own Terms. We talk about positive and negative e...

First, we can think through just when we are at our best – and our worst.  Time of day? Day of the week? Location?  Can we set up a tough conversation for the time and place when we are at our best? Next, we can be aware of how to be prepared to be at our best when we know in advance that we will be engaged in a difficult conversation. Sometimes we don’t have the luxury of time or much advance not...

When thinking about self-awareness and preventing negative conflict, let’s focus on the habits we have, the most obvious patterns we adopt, the knee-jerk reactions (which can have a dangerous capacity for making us appear to be or actually be jerks). We can benefit from taking a moment – or two – to reflect on what is increasing the likelihood of negative conflict unnecessarily.  Do you have comme...

David Ehrlichman discusses his work at Converge, a network of practitioners who cultivate impact networks. His book, impact networks, sets out how co-creating networks beside, across, or even within hierarchical organizations can tap into the creativity of individuals who co-create networks centered on a common purpose. Visit the Converge website to learn more about their work and the book, to rea...

The flip side of the dangers of shortcuts is the benefit of a detour.  That is, allowing a conversation to wander to where it needs to go to get at the nub of the conflict. For me, useful detours can come up in conflict coaching, mediation, and more general conflict consulting. In coaching, the value can be in a deeper dive into what makes a client tick. In mediation, the detour may be into what e...

Generally, we tend to think of shortcuts as good and detours as bad. Yet, in the specific context of dealing with conflict, it’s often the reverse. Although it can be tempting to race ahead, assuming that no preparation is needed for a successful mediation session, that shortcut can be actually harmful – diminishing the possibility of a positive outcome and risking making a difficult situation eve...

Adam Kahane has worked for thirty years as a facilitator of diverse groups in a variety of settings around the world. We discuss the insights he has gained from his work, captured in his five books. In his most recent book, Facilitating Breakthrough, Adam sets out how to “remove obstacles, build bridges, and move forward together.”  You can learn more about his work and find free resources at his...

The phrase “holding space” is most frequently heard in the context of therapy or psychology. In the context of discussions or meetings, the concept is one of deliberately accepting and anticipating the possibility – even the likelihood – of needing some time and “space” set aside for what may come that is not fully planned for. Time and space to allow for creativity, collaboration and yes – confli...

Courage is not the absence of fear, but a positive way to handle fear. The same could be said of negative stimuli (hot buttons, triggers) and responding in the best way possible. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at  jb@dovetailresolutions.com ! And you can learn more about me and my work as...

Mitzi enjoys sharing what she has learned about successful family businesses. Her interest is personal: she was born into the Henderson family, founders of the Sheraton Hotel chain, and she married into the Perdue family, where her husband, Frank, was the head of the family-owned poultry business. Both families are thriving through the generations. In this episode, Mitzi talks about Frank Perdue’s...

That phrase applies generally to much of the work I do. It also applies specifically to a seminar on April 6, 2022.  It is presented by the Family Firm Institute (FFI) and FFI Fellows and graduates of the FFI GEN program are encouraged to attend. https://www.ffigen.org/courses/working-with-conflict-in-the-family-enterprise . The very creation of the course reflects the recognition that conflict is...

Email is often blamed for causing or inflaming conflict.  And rightly so. Sometimes, it can prevent conflicts. An email reminder of a spoken agreement can solidify memory of it, reassure all that they have the same understanding (or create the opportunity to clarify if they do not) and save face if someone just might forget the details of the agreement. Do you have comments or suggestions about a...

Crystal Thorpe is an experienced mediator whose areas of expertise include Elder and Adult Family Mediation. We talk about what it is, and how it helps families work through an immediate dispute regarding an older loved one. And how it can help families get better at handling conflict in the future. You can learn more about Crystal’s work and reach her through  https://agreementresources.com/ and...

Pick your favorite colloquial term: do-over, rewind, or mulligan. Whichever it is, that may be an excellent Goldilocks type of option when a difficult exchange (or series of them) has occurred where a relationship is valued and ongoing. Not an explicit dissection of what went wrong, perhaps in excruciatingly painful detail.  And not silence, with no acknowledgement of any problem at all. Instead,...

When you hear the words impartial and neutral, you may have a clear sense of a difference between the two -- or you may think that they are fully interchangeable. In the realm of conflict management or conflict resolution, the use of these different words can cause genuine, strong disagreement. Perhaps the best way to think of the neutral/impartial question is the fairness of that third party.  Wh...

“John A” Warnick describes himself as a recovering tax attorney and family wealth counselor. John A and I talk about his professional journey, the founding of the Purposeful Planning Institute, PPI, and serendipity.  You can reach John A here: johna@purposefulplanninginstitute.com or 720.458.7770. You can learn more about PPI here: https://purposefulplanninginstitute.com/  Do you have comments or...

As with conflict, we can think of habits as being good, bad, and ugly. As this new year begins, it’s a logical time to look for new opportunities in how we handle conflict. Two suggestions: pick one habit that’s negative and try to do lessof it. AND, just as important, pick one habit that’s positive and try to do more of that one. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea...

I want to share three solo episodes, in particular, with you. The first two sound connected, and they are somewhat.  Back in January, on the 27th, Episode 109 was on the topic of Unity and Unanimity. A related theme appeared in Episode 132, published on July 7, 2021: Independence and Unity.            Each is under seven minutes, start to finish, and listeners have found them especially helpful. ...