Courtney Cries A Lot

In this episode, I talk about how one of the main things coming up for me as I'm on summer break is: what kind of leader do I want to be to myself? I have wide open space right now, a lot more time on my hands than I'm used to. Do I want to constantly make to-do lists, manage, evaluate, and try to earn my own approval… or can I be intentional about connecting with myself and making enjoyment the m...

This week I had an experience that surprised me. I felt genuine joy from a great workout - one in which I sprinted as fast as I could, which I haven't done in years. And then I let myself fully feel the joy that came up - not analyze it, not brace for it to disappear, not immediately jump to what could go wrong next. Just felt the joy. I sat with it in my car and let it bubble up and radiate glitt...

In this episode, I'm sharing what I've been learning about participation and belonging. I think on some level my formative years, and especially my high school years, taught me that belonging is something that you earn by playing your cards right. Because I'm practicing being more open and saying yes more often to what life is bringing my way, I'm noticing that belonging is very basic. It's just s...

In this episode, I share one of the biggest insights from my 30-day experiment around receptivity, aliveness, and learning to relate to myself differently. I've observed that when we get used to living in survival mode, we also get used to choosing self-protection (and self-preservation) over participation. We ask questions like "what can I do today to spend the least amount of my energy and just...

I love how when we set an intention around something, life shows us the reasons that thing is difficult for us in the first place. I set an intention around being more receptive, and life was like "alright, look here - this is why it's hard for you to stay open and trusting". This last week I was able to observe a part of me that I had been grouping into the "inner critic" category, but she's more...

In this episode, I talk about my realization that I've spent most of my life relating to myself through constant evaluation and moral judgment. How my fear of being "bad" has shaped my nervous system and the ways that I've tried to push/motivate myself. This is why I love the concept of surrender and find it to be so healing to orient myself to it. Not surrender as in being passive, but as being o...

In this episode, I talk about how my understanding of spirituality and manifestation has changed over the years — from believing I had to fix myself, improve myself, or earn what I wanted… to slowly experimenting with the possibility that maybe I'm already worthy of receiving love, support, abundance, and a beautiful life as I am. I share how this shift has been so helpful for my nervous system, m...

In this week's episode I talk a little about the astrology and emotional intensity of the past week, a nighttime heart-opening practice I've been doing lately, and then I answer 16 random questions ranging from deep to not deep at all. Like small things bringing me joy lately aka my spa headband (which I used to roll my eyes at the idea of bc all the influencers wear them) that actually makes me l...

I've been noticing how much better I feel lately from podcasting consistently and doing more things just because I genuinely WANT to do them.. not because I have to. I know how obvious that sounds but you may remember from recent episodes that I'm coming out of a pretty intense period of survival mode energy - the kind where you forget what it feels like to do something you love. And even the thin...

In this episode, I talk about how easy it can be to see the innocence in everyone else's journey while holding ourselves to a harsher standard. That's something I tend to carry quietly. I talk about the inner critic, protector parts, regret, self-blame, and the emotional habit of judging our past choices as if we "should have known better." Underneath self-criticism is often fear and an attempt to...

In this episode, I talk about what it feels like to have split energy —when one part of you wants growth, change, or movement, while another part feels scared, resistant, tired, or unsure. So often we think we need to "fix" ourselves, choose one side, or force clarity before we can move forward. But what if the real healing comes from simply acknowledging and validating both sides with compassion?...

In this episode I talk about the main reasons it's so healing to tell the truth. And to let the young, inner parts of you tell their truth - even if it sounds whiny, negative, dark, bratty, petty, ugly, unprofessional, childish, immature. That's expressive journaling for ya. I can't say enough about how liberating and helpful it's been for me, not because it "fixed" anything, but because it helped...

The thing people don't understand about being in a job that feels like it's draining the life out of you, is that it sneakily puts you in a self-defeating survival mode mentality. One where your overall vibration is "I hate this, I'm not ok, I need to figure out how to get out". Clenched fist. Stress. Fear and resistance. I was in a job like that from October to February. I met the challenge with...

The thing people don't understand about being in a job that feels like it's draining the life out of you, is that it sneakily puts you in a self-defeating survival mode mentality. One where your overall vibration is "I hate this, I'm not ok, I need to figure out how to get out". Clenched fist. Stress. Fear and resistance. I was in a job like that from October to February. I met the challenge with...

In this episode I walk you through the PATCH acronym. Why each piece of it is so healing to practice and use as a consistent way of responding to yourself (and your triggers, feelings, etc.) with love and compassion.

This episode goes deeper into stage 3 aka the energy of devotion. (Listen to episode 28 first if you haven't yet!) I talk about:  -why stage 3 is really the best of stage 1 and 2, without the depleting parts -why stage 3 leaves so much space for RECEIVING. When you do your part but also open to receive support from life -how stage 1 is very "do - have - be" while stage 3 is "be - do - have". Frequ...

I've had a complicated relationship with motivation, productivity and consistency. I'm so used to yoyo-ing between two ways of going about life or working towards goals:  1 - Hustle, grind, action action action. Make to do list upon to do list and check things off until I deplete myself and burn out 2 - Let go, surrender and allow. Remember it's not all on my shoulders. That I'm a spiritual being...

This episode is about getting laid off, getting a puppy, having no idea what's next in my life and fully surrendering and choosing to trust. Being an "interesting daughter" as my dad says :) Tosha Silver website and books

Walking you through a simple visualization to cultivate a wave of acceptance for all the different parts of you. I find this practice to be very grounding and soothing. May it find whoever needs it

This episode is about surrender. Prioritizing your inner frequency over your outer attachments. How that naturally aligns you with what you value most. And how that alignment puts you on a wavelength where trust, satisfaction and nourishment are abundant.

On escapism, numbing, self-compassion and validating your inner teenager

I once briefly dated a guy who told me I was like one of those scared little chihuahuas that's always trembling. A dagger to my heart especially bc I was like.. shit... I definitely kinda relate to that sometimes....  A large part of my experience as a human being so far in this lifetime is wondering if I'm good, trying to be good, scared that I'm bad, trying to avoid being bad, and hence a lot of...

This episode details a powerful reframe that I got from Elizabeth Gilbert's Substack last Sunday. I've been using it all week as an anchor and I'm grateful to have it in my toolbox for whatever the heck is next in the wild unfolding of this country/world. Elizabeth Gilbert's Substack

What if it's all easier than we think? What if we're supposed to be doing less and trying softer rather than trying harder? In this episode I talk more about the absence of doing all the things I used to do out of fear/anxiety. And how now that I'm not doing them so much, there's space. And the space is uncomfortable. It brings up a lot of unknown. Bc at least when you're doing things that aren't...

This episode is for when you need a reminder to be extra gentle and forgiving towards yourself So often we think we need to be hard on ourselves, critical of ourselves in the name of being honest and and in the name of CHANGE. Like.. if I want my future to be different and better, I need to get on myself about wherever I'm currently falling short or not being as good as I think I could be When rea...