CORN DOWN Prank Calls

Listen, I don’t know what you think I saw, but I didn’t. I didn’t see anything. And that’s what we’re telling people on the phone. I saw nothing, I’m not going to say anything. This makes a lot of people apprehensive. Wastedmemory can’t feel anything though, which isn’t normal. This leads to an important question; If I saw nothing, what do I tell the...

This is probably the most normal episode ever, and there isn’t any heavy editing. It starts by returning a page we received on our beeper. This leads me to remembering I was banned from Hooters last night, and seeing how it affects other businesses. Wasted and I dabble in some light flashlight usage and deal with drive thu warning signs. From there, we further explore flashlight usage, encou...

The first call is about Schwebel’s bread, which is a 120+ year old local bakery, and they announced they were shutting down shortly after this call. I thought they were a national label. I didn’t mean to get them shut down. I’m sorry. Other than that we’re shooting for 100% on this show. We try to 100% a bunch of Arby’s. They don’t like it. They don’t even...

I really don’t have a great reason, but this CORNDOWN seems to revolve around nail clippings. I’m not particularly proud of this. Luckily, whuppy gets things wet, and we grab some (personal) information on the chicken, or this would have been all clippings. There is a good amount of dealing with wet things actually, such as wet chicken, wet bowls, wet rooms, and classic warm and wet. O...

This show starts out with a few grapes, a little encouragement, and then a SERIOUS doublecross. Our famous bowls are all messed up, with wrong ingredients and incorrect operation, slamming into the frame at a forty five degree angle. From there, it’s salamanders. Pretty much all salamanders. We got normal salamanders, service salamanders, hotel salamanders. All kinds, really. Couple little l...

This show starts off strong, as I get a B King to mail a Whopper to my PO box to replace a scratched bun. This leads to wastedmemory having a scratched bag and a creased reciept, and I deal with a pen marked bag. We dabble with some burger sports before discovering the effectivness of reporting non-emergencies. A lot of employees are covering the phone reciever, and that’s not an emergency....

Ever got gravy on your neck? Did it leave a tattoo? Of course it did, so you’ll understand the first batch of calls. We also deal with returning calls we never actually got, and move gravy around between KF Chickens like its our job. There’s tall ones, Wild One’s, and I think Tiff is probably a dude with a voice changer. Rosin gets water in his tires, and then I get Pepsi in mine...

Well, what we have here is a heavily goblin themed show. It starts out with red lights across the board, and settings askew. A goblin is blamed, and then focused on for several calls ranging from goblin meat to a goblin shopper. I do have the surprisingly legitimate premise of telling places we prepaid at the gas station, and we get a loty of mileage out of that. Then back to goblins. We deal with...

The first half is all KF Chicken. We, or rather I start this CORNDOWN with a couple of loose sacks and a classic stuck lid or two. From there I explore the topic of mullet chickens before Whuppy joins in to order some Mullet Chicken of his own. Then we move on to cubes. Chicken cubes, mostly. After that it’s gas station time, where we call to check up on the fact that we sprayed an employee...

Oh boy, this episode of CORNDOWN starts off with a man trying to take the piss, MY piss. Not acceptable. This quickly gives way to hangout sessions with staff, where we learn several facts about quiktrip employees; they work 10 hour shifts, they get no breaks, and they are happy about it. From there we mess with all the buttons at a quiktrip before settling on messing with the emergency shutoff le...

Oh wow. This show was a disaster. Partially a national disaster? I don’t know what qualifies, but I deal with heavy ‘technical’ difficulties (I pushed a button by accident), and wastedmemory gets hit with a series of tornadoes. Seriously, mostly. Between all the madness, there’s signals from a lighthouse, gum getting stuck in the carpet, and the further difficulties of layi...

Well, this is a strange one. First call is about a hidden compartment housing a second beef patty, that’s normal. Second call is over half an hour of yelling at a man who says he reads books. You kinda have to hear it to understand. After that, wasted is having parking issues, and I’m trying to figure out what managers job duties are. It turns out their duties is to be a lifeguard. I t...

This one starts with classic lettuce separation. Classic. Next we try to get premium packaging for our burgers, such as chili containers, drink containers, or anything other than paper! We hide food, stash food, get food out of the dumpster, etc. ad nauseum. Really standard stuff, I can’t stress that enough. Somewhere in the first half I get hung up on humane treatment options, (of which the...

It’s a good ol’ fashioned Fish’n’Chips CORNDOWN, as we start strong with french fry themed calls and quickly discover the fun of dropping the fries. We also deal with The Manager of The French Fries (a potatoe), and dabble in finding a firm limit on dogs and skunks. As you can expect, this leads to doing insurance fraud with Wendy’s as your provider, for a variety of...

You ever had a Wendy’s cut your crust off without you asking? Because that’s exactly how this CORNDOWN starts. We also discover the buns don’t match; what with being top and bottom and all. Somewhere in there we received a failing grade on the app, but I still have no clue what we did wrong. This leads to some grass roots journalism, a couple of fish fry’s, and a old bread...

This episode of The CORNDOWN is straight goofy. It starts off with a bunch of goofy sandwiches and goofy fries and six diet cokes. According to wastedmemory, some of the goofy food was donated. I, however, won a bunch of free stuff from the Jamba Juice at the mall. This leads to discussion of the Big Arch sandwich, a little CIA nonsense, some scabs, and cryptic advice not to eat the sandwich. The...

In this episode of CORNDOWN, I start off trying to dress things up a little bit, which leads to several types of complaints about hats on burgers, with a bit of help from someone who sounds like whuppy. From there, we take our kids to watch employees eat at Arby’s, the New Manager Christopher gets some advice via whuppy, and wastedmemory shows up smelling like fish oil. As things close out,...

On this CORNDOWN, I keep hitting my head over and over on sandwiches, trying to explain how it happened while wastedmemory adds his own versions of the same kind of injury. That spills into acts of God, like dusty sandwiches, questionable chili, and sisters hogging nuggets, which naturally leads to more injuries and car trouble. In the middle we deal with stop signs, and wake-up calls that need to...

On this CORNDOWN, I get wrapped up in big talk about an oil tycoon and backing each other up, which then turns into arguments about what counts as inappropriate, especially when whuppy keeps jumping in to make it worse. From there I spiral into some deer/cat confusion, a litle hat theft, and we try to verify things that probably didn’t need verifying in the first place. There’s also a bit of...

On this CORNDOWN, I get locked in to drive-thru problems that go too far, starting with bathroom questions, fire trucks, and gold burgers, with wastedmemory jumping in for the old people. That turns into burgers that feel wrong in texture, color, and purpose, mixed with trust issues, eye contact that lasts too long, and me taking a dump in room 211. From there it’s mostly cars where they abs...

On this episode of CORNDOWN, I’m pausing orders and looking for warning signs, while whuppy jumps in with his own version of things. That turns into blood on shirts, in cups, in bags, and hotels with whuppy and Tifff adding to the confusion instead of cleaning it up. I’m also dealing with employee problems, strange bathroom details, paw prints, panic buttons, and questions about employ...

On this CORNDOWN, I start with string but the wheels come off fast and pieces get lost while wastedmemory keeps adding reasons it might be my fault. This includes food getting tied up and layered wrong, especially once ads and bootleg versions get involved. I get stuck on trying to leave places, returning ropes, and dealing with front desk problems that somehow get more cigarettes than answers, wi...

On this CORNDOWN, I keep coming back to a ziplock bag that somehow turns into individual nuggets and profits, and wastedmemory jumps in with a lesson on how to talk. That slides into a long stretch about fish and exactly how you’re allowed to kill fish before it becomes a problem, plus buckets, lobsters, and what counts as acceptable handling. From there I get hung up on shady payment issues, home...

On this CORNDOWN, I start with sticky food and an itchy leg that quickly turns into me repeatedly admitting I might have lice. That opens the door to a long run about bugs in hotels, blankets, feet, and personal bugs too, with wastedmemory making it worse by making multiple calls. Things briefly drift into yard tools, magic tricks, and a little dating advice. Later, we’re stuck trying to cou...

On this CORNDOWN, the first half is all about tires, popping them on purpose, swapping them with a spare, and never being done with it, with wastedmemory making the whole situation worse by adding to it. That eventually leads into food being up in places it shouldn’t be, particularly on faces, stuck whuppuy’s mouths, or causing swelling and bleeding, with whuppy and Tifff jumping in. From th...