CORN DOWN Prank Calls

The Google has, unsolicited, determined a number of problems with a number of businesses. First and foremost is the fact that they’ve been under-performing; what this means is anyone’s guess. The second issue is Smurf. There’s Smurfs on my chicken, on my gas, on my papers. And as far as I’m aware, there’s no Smurf promotions going on, so… am I in danger? Meanwhi...

This is an unscheduled show, out of the blue, kind of just for no reason. Just like the payments we’re trying to make. Whuppy talks to a man who helps him out with his Century Toilet Computer 2000. Very helpful. I deal with a place that doesn’t know how to do it’s job and help whuppy to do the same. Wastedmemory makes an appearance but doesn’t want any questions, just chick...

You know how when you go to fast food places, they have way better napkins that they aren’t giving you? I know all about this, all too well. So what do you do? You upgrade your napkins, thats what you do. Mutli-Fold-Employee-Use-Only-Napkins exist, and you can have them, but only if you know to ask. What about Salisbury chicken? Is that a thing, and if not, why not, and if yes, why is it in...

What, actually, is the difference between a window and a door? Tough question. The answer is; nothing. There is no difference between a window and a door. This poses serious issues for whuppy and myself. First off, can’t find the door at all. Very unprofessional. Perhaps it’s not that we can’t find the door, maybe we’re mistaking the door for a window, or maybe the door is...

Something was up with the audio in this CORNDOWN. It kept going silent. Pretty sure that’s not normal. Things aren’t just supposed to go silent. One thing that isn’t silent? The lawnmower; it’s going nuts. Wastedmemory is here this week, and he’s getting odd photos and videos of his KF Chicken products, and the staff is on the defense. I’m getting weird AI resul...

Managers at fast food places are supposed to have roadside assistance to protect the customers that travel through their drive thru. In this gripping episode of CORNDOWN, we expose businesses not maintaining this simple standard. It doesn’t really work as a premise. Whuppy and I dabble in getting our chickens put down, which works a little better. Then wastedmemory shows up and saves the sho...

This CORNDOWN picks up quickly. Then whuppy has an ongoing issue, and no one is doing anything to help. This persists for another forty minutes. Then we’re back to picking me up, it really shouldn’t be that big of a deal, I don’t weigh that much. We also get some employees to wipe down. You have to wipe down. In the second half, we get picked up rather than trying to get them to...

This is a bad episode; It’s covered in scum. There’s chicken scum, and scum on the buns. Whuppy tries to do a bit on the issue but it doesn’t work out due to packet loss. Scum, scum, scum. There’s scum everywhere. And I think they’re heating the buns? Whuppy also discovers if you say “coffee cup”, everyone will hang up on you. I try to get some people to r...

I failed on this one, BIG TIME. First off, I failed to order, then whuppy failed to do a bunch of stuff. This most certainly does not meet my personal standards, and I am officially apologizing. Shortly after that, some animals got bit in the parking lot, which is not normal. There’s even a chance the manager is hitting customers and employees, which some might say is a failure to manage pro...

This is definitely a double pump’d episode. It starts off with some lost food, some old food, a display model, and setting it to all 9s, then we get into the double pumping. You can’t just let customers double pump like that. It’s bad for business. On top of that? I get chicken face, and from not even that much chicken. It just sucks. It’s around this time that I get a noti...

It’s Mark’s last day, but not for the reason you might think. Things get dark. It’s whuppy’s fault. You gotta check on your inactive employees, not check your brakes in the drive thru. We also prevent bad brand association by taking food from homeless persons. That’s about when the employee puts their fingers in my mouth. It’s not that big of a deal, I’m n...

Why is it so hard to pay full price? It seems like they’re always forcing promotional discounts on you, and I hate it. It’s a really problem issue. Wastedmemory also discoveres you get in trouble with the police when you give chicken to children. And you go straight to jail if you give chicken to the police. If the police do not want the chicken, do not give the police the chicken. The...

This show starts with a blocked bike lane. This is not only incredibly unsafe, but it’s annoying and I hate it. You have to keep the bike lane cleared. But every single call picks up. That never happens. Weird. From there, in the process of getting our orders notarized, wastedmemory and I notice that the store doesn’t want to touch our ID cards. No one wants to touch mine for sure, and...

A lot of this episode of CORNDOWN takes place in the bathroom. A lot of this episode of CORNDOWN has to do with hair. As such, the first calls are all about finding hair in the bathroom, which evokes some bad vibes and leads way to being scared in an empty bathroom. From there, whuppy and I work on hiring someone that looks just like us, and eventually give up on that and just swap out with Jeff....

Listen, I don’t know what you think I saw, but I didn’t. I didn’t see anything. And that’s what we’re telling people on the phone. I saw nothing, I’m not going to say anything. This makes a lot of people apprehensive. Wastedmemory can’t feel anything though, which isn’t normal. This leads to an important question; If I saw nothing, what do I tell the...

This is probably the most normal episode ever, and there isn’t any heavy editing. It starts by returning a page we received on our beeper. This leads me to remembering I was banned from Hooters last night, and seeing how it affects other businesses. Wasted and I dabble in some light flashlight usage and deal with drive thu warning signs. From there, we further explore flashlight usage, encou...

The first call is about Schwebel’s bread, which is a 120+ year old local bakery, and they announced they were shutting down shortly after this call. I thought they were a national label. I didn’t mean to get them shut down. I’m sorry. Other than that we’re shooting for 100% on this show. We try to 100% a bunch of Arby’s. They don’t like it. They don’t even...

I really don’t have a great reason, but this CORNDOWN seems to revolve around nail clippings. I’m not particularly proud of this. Luckily, whuppy gets things wet, and we grab some (personal) information on the chicken, or this would have been all clippings. There is a good amount of dealing with wet things actually, such as wet chicken, wet bowls, wet rooms, and classic warm and wet. O...

This show starts out with a few grapes, a little encouragement, and then a SERIOUS doublecross. Our famous bowls are all messed up, with wrong ingredients and incorrect operation, slamming into the frame at a forty five degree angle. From there, it’s salamanders. Pretty much all salamanders. We got normal salamanders, service salamanders, hotel salamanders. All kinds, really. Couple little l...

This show starts off strong, as I get a B King to mail a Whopper to my PO box to replace a scratched bun. This leads to wastedmemory having a scratched bag and a creased reciept, and I deal with a pen marked bag. We dabble with some burger sports before discovering the effectivness of reporting non-emergencies. A lot of employees are covering the phone reciever, and that’s not an emergency....

Ever got gravy on your neck? Did it leave a tattoo? Of course it did, so you’ll understand the first batch of calls. We also deal with returning calls we never actually got, and move gravy around between KF Chickens like its our job. There’s tall ones, Wild One’s, and I think Tiff is probably a dude with a voice changer. Rosin gets water in his tires, and then I get Pepsi in mine...

Well, what we have here is a heavily goblin themed show. It starts out with red lights across the board, and settings askew. A goblin is blamed, and then focused on for several calls ranging from goblin meat to a goblin shopper. I do have the surprisingly legitimate premise of telling places we prepaid at the gas station, and we get a loty of mileage out of that. Then back to goblins. We deal with...

The first half is all KF Chicken. We, or rather I start this CORNDOWN with a couple of loose sacks and a classic stuck lid or two. From there I explore the topic of mullet chickens before Whuppy joins in to order some Mullet Chicken of his own. Then we move on to cubes. Chicken cubes, mostly. After that it’s gas station time, where we call to check up on the fact that we sprayed an employee...

Oh boy, this episode of CORNDOWN starts off with a man trying to take the piss, MY piss. Not acceptable. This quickly gives way to hangout sessions with staff, where we learn several facts about quiktrip employees; they work 10 hour shifts, they get no breaks, and they are happy about it. From there we mess with all the buttons at a quiktrip before settling on messing with the emergency shutoff le...

Oh wow. This show was a disaster. Partially a national disaster? I don’t know what qualifies, but I deal with heavy ‘technical’ difficulties (I pushed a button by accident), and wastedmemory gets hit with a series of tornadoes. Seriously, mostly. Between all the madness, there’s signals from a lighthouse, gum getting stuck in the carpet, and the further difficulties of layi...