Connecting Couples

Connection Couples Podcast: Addiction Series Episode 3: Habits First 5 minutes: Intro- It’s hard to just quick because we have to rewire our brains. Quitting an addiction doesn’t give us practice around engaging in our relationships in a way that’s comforting. Moving the definitions and qualifiers out of the way, lets discuss why we can’t just stop our bad habits! When we have turned to something...

Connection Couples Podcast: Addiction Series Episode 2: Basic Terms   First 5 minutes: Intro- This is the way people have learned to cope, and now it is running their life and stealing from what they cherish most.  Breaking down specific terms. People can have a big reaction to a word based on what they believe it means and often there is a misunderstanding around some of the words associated with...

Episode 1: Comfort and Coping Show Notes   First 5 minutes: Intro- Where do I go when it hurts? We hesitated on titling this series “Addiction” because people have so many different ideas and experiences around ‘addiction’ that it isn’t an easy word. So, we’ll start with the definition.   Even if you don’t have what you would call an ‘addiction’, it is worth it to consider what you go to for comfo...

Connecting Couples Podcast: Series: Pursuers and Withdrawers   Episode 10: Why This Is So Hard   First 5 minutes: Wrapping up this series and tying all the pieces together. Getting both sides, the Pursuers and the Withdrawers to recognize they both get hijacked by a deeper thing that is at play. Quick recap of TEMP.  This acrostic created by EFT Therapist George Faller describes the Appraisal Theo...

Connecting Couples Podcast: Series: Pursuers and Withdrawers  Episode 9: What Withdrawers Can Do First 5 minutes: What do Pursuers need in distress? First- we are making an assumption that we are already de-escalated. De-escalated couples don’t get into as intense of fights and that we can do a repair when there is a disconnection. Both sides are engaged and working toward connection. Pursuers wil...

Episode 8: What Pursuers Can Do First 5 minutes: There is an order to growth. First, you have to be aware something is happening. Then you have to be able to recognize that you and your partner both ‘do’ things in the distress and identify what your trends are. After awareness around those things is present, you start to have an opportunity to slow the process down and adjust your moves. In these...

Connecting Couples Podcast: Series: Pursuers and Withdrawers  Episode 7: De-Escalated Withdrawers First 5 minutes: Escalation for a withdrawer doesn’t mean heighten energy and big emotion. What escalation means is that the strategies (of both sides) are in full play. An escalated Withdrawer is one who is really avoidant and disengaged. So an ‘de-escalated’ withdrawer is a little bit more engaged a...

Connecting Couples Podcast: Series: Pursuers and Withdrawers  Episode 6: De-Escalated Pursuers First 5 minutes: Escalation happens quickly and sends us into a cycle that puts both partners into their strategies. How do we know when we are able to remain de-escalated in our cycle? De-Escalation doesn’t mean we don’t fight. It means withdrawers are more engaged and pursuers can have more awareness a...

Connecting Couples Podcast: Series: Pursuers and Withdrawers  Episode 5: The Withdrawer’s Dilemma Show Notes.   First 5 minutes: Withdrawers have a hard time receiving feedback because any feedback lands like criticism. Feedback doesn’t mean ‘opportunity’ for a withdrawer, it means they must have gotten something wrong. Withdrawers are often anticipating that someone is going to tell them they got...

Connecting Couples Podcast: Series: Pursuers and Withdrawers  Episode 4: The Pursuer's Dilemma Show Notes. First 5 minutes: Pursuers often feel like their thought process might be too much and therefore are already modifying or holding back some of the energy they have. This episode is designed to bring up empathy for our Pursuers. Minutes 5-10: The first dilemma we bring up is when we see somethi...

Connecting Couples Podcast: Series: Pursuers and Withdrawers  Episode 3: “Honoring Withdrawers” Show Notes. First 5 minutes: Withdrawers have the ability to keep emotion from getting in the way of their task. They have been learning these strategies since their developmental years and life has taught them that it is a benefit to be able to stay calm in chaos. Withdrawers can maintain the appearanc...

Connecting Couples Podcast: Series: Pursuers and Withdrawers  Episode 2: “Honoring Pursuers” Show Notes. First 5 minutes: Pursuers are really working hard to stay connected and to help the relationship stay connected. Pursuers are HOPEFULL. They believe that the efforts they are contributing are really going to work! Pursuers are RESOURCEFUL. They are going to try everything possibly to help the r...

Connecting Couples Podcast: Series: Pursuers and Withdrawers  Episode 1 Show Notes. We're  back from our 6-month hiatus. First 5 minutes: A deeper dive into both roles in the relationship cycle. Understanding more the Pursuers and the Withdrawers; their motivations, the things we love, the things that are challenging, what the strategies look like in ‘escalation’ and ‘de-escalation’. How does this...

Before wrapping this series up, Chad and Angela get really practical about a vital part of staying connected, and that is doing forgiveness work often. Its easy to say that we should not harbor offense against our partner, but when they have and sometimes continue to offend us, its easier said than done. Chad and Angela give you tangible examples of how they offend each other on a daily basis, and...

With just a few more episodes in this series, Chad and Angela reiterate how hard this process is. The patterns and strategies we have been leaning on for years don't just go away because we are listing to new ideas. Adapting our responses and learning how to bring a vulnerable feeling forward is a process that takes time and repetition to get good at. In this episode, the Real Imhoffs remind us th...

Once we have our partner's attention, how do we let them know what we need from them to support us in our experience? This process is layered. First,  you have to know what is going on. Then,  you have to be able to articulate it to your partner. Also, you partner has to be in a position to hear it and engaged enough to be able to respond. Finally, it would help you and your partner if you both kn...

Continuing their series on things they wish they had known earlier, Chad and Angela put into application the idea from the previous episode; A.R.E. Now that you have had the conversation about being accessible, responsive and engaged, you and your partner have created the safety you need to share painful things vulnerably and have some assurance that you will be responded to. As a diving off point...

In last week's episode we discussed T.E.M.P., a great way to identify what is happening for you internally. In this week's episode we take that awareness and pass it over to our partner. A secure relationship requires not only an individual awareness of what is happening for us, but then also the ability to include our partner in our process so they can support us and respond to us in what we are...

The Real Imhoffs keep this series of What We Wish We Knew going with this internal dive into self awareness. If we back up before cycles and before Pursuer and Withdrawer roles and even before we met our partner, we already had a process of emotion going. Things in life 'triggered' us, which caused us to feel something internally, that we then assigned meaning to, which we learned to respond to wi...

The series continues on things that it would have been good to know earlier in your marriage relationship, but no time like the present to bring a new awareness to some old habits. Whether you pursue conflict or give it some space, chances are you learned that strategy long before you met your partner and then made adjustments along the way to protect yourself and the relationship. Join Chad and A...

Continuing in this series about 'What We Wish We Knew', Chad and Angela discuss the influence our families of origin had on shaping our level of comfort and awareness around topics like money, politics, sex and even being able to do a repair or ask your partner for forgiveness. We learned how to or how not to talk about important topics that still shape some of the conversations we are willing to...

Chad and Angela continue their talk about in-laws in this episode, drawing out a few outliers from the previous segment. While it IS important that you are the one who talks to your own family of origin if something needs to be addressed, there are some cases where your partner might need to be the one making that connection. Listen as the Real Imhoffs get real about a few things they've had to na...

(During this episode, Angela's mic dropped out a few times. We recovered the sound, but it's slightly distorted. We apologize for that- this is not our usual quality of sound).  Continuing in our series on What We Wish We Knew, the Imhoffs tackle the fun topic of In-Laws this week. Regardless if your in-laws are great or challenging, it is important that your alliance with your partner is your pri...

Just finishing up with the new material the Imhoffs wrote for engaged couples, they realized there were so many things "They Wished They Had Known" before getting married that would have helped them navigate content and conflict with a little less difficulty. Which is why the are spinning off this series to let married couples connect over insight they maybe should have discussed before... it's ne...

Wrapping up their first full year, the Imhoffs revisit some key points from previous episodes and share the importance of taking care of each other. During a long season of isolation, unpredictability and change, it's important to check in with yourself to assess what you need. It's equally important to share those needs with your partner so they can help you get those needs met. Could be exercise...