Confidence Coaching with Heidi Benjaminsen

All or nothing mentality, black and white thinking, good and bad... it all creates blinders and stress in our life.  It is a very limiting and "perfectionist" way of life.  When we only see two options, we cause anxiety and pressure and we block out much of reality.  Learn all the ways this thinking may show up in your life and how to reduce it.  

It's inevitable and it hurts.  Our teens lash out, from their own sense of lack of control, and say "I hate you".  Then you want to crumble, cry and lash out at them.  Don't.  Learn how to identify what they are REALLY saying and how to respond calmly, with a lot of love for yourself and for them.  You can model for them how to handle these emotional exchanges.  And I have good news - their words...

When we feel hurt, our basic instinct is to want to hurt either the person we think is hurting us, or to hurt other people in our life.  We can get control of our emotions when we feel this hurt by pausing and doing several exercises.  We can stop the hurt cycle by learning to be responsible for our emotions and our actions.  Because, regardless of how another person acts to try to hurt us, we can...

Confidence and self-worth are key to us identifying and changing our racist behaviors and attitudes.  We need to be willing to admit mistakes, weaknesses and flaws in order to change and be a better version of ourselves.  Just like the kintsugi art of filling pottery cracks with the most precious materials, we can heal our racist past and make ourselves and our relationships much more valuable.  T...

We get a lot of insight into our own behaviors, desires and those of our children when we understand The Motivational Triad - the 3 most basic motivators that our brain defaults to.  Our brain wants us to seek pleasure, avoid pain and conserve energy - because it wants to keep us alive.  This worked well for our ancestors but today it is working against us.  Learn more about the 3 motivating desir...

The most heated exchanges with our children are usually about their grades.  And this is because we make their grades mean SO much about them, their future, their potential and even how good a parent WE are.  Getting mad doesn't motivate them to change and it blocks us from really seeing what is going on. Learn practical tools on how to calmly talk to your child about their grades so they see you...

We often hear another person or listen to their words with the intent to reply to them.  When in reality, we need to be listening with the intent to UNDERSTAND them.  To see, acknowledge, witness their point of view.  Heidi teaches you why this is hard work, what our brains naturally want to do, and then tips to really listen.  Everyone has something to teach us (including our teenagers!), if we a...

It's easy to see our children as if they are the glass half-empty... only seeing what they AREN'T doing.  We think good parents always push their children to reach "their potential".  It sounds good, until we end up shaming our children for not being able to meet some arbitrary standard.  All because we want to feel like successful parents.  Listen to hear different ways to see your child's potent...

When we fear our children failing or feeling any disappointment, we are seeing them through a perfectionist lens.  Learn why it's true that "A Perfectionist walk a tight rope over the valley of low self-esteem.  "Our vision of our child could be distorted by our own definitions of success and failure - and what they mean about our worth and value.  Learn to separate your own sense of self from you...

Our brain wants us to think that worrying about our children is necessary.  Instead, all of the thoughts of what COULD go wrong in their life or what danger they MIGHT encounter is actually robbing us of feeling the real emotions of today with our children.  When we look through Lens #3 thinking so many worry thoughts, we miss seeing exactly what is going on today.  Learn how to clear off this len...

When we think my child is difficult or something is wrong with them, we feel judgement, criticism and negativity.  And those feelings make us act and say negative things to our child.  It doesn't help that the medical world likes to throw labels like 'disorder' on our children.  Heidi will teach you the warning thoughts that you are seeing your child through this distorted lens.  She then shares c...

When we see the world through the Lens of thinking I Am Right, we create judgement, criticism and frustration because we only see a very narrow viewpoint.  Heidi explains the distortion of this lens, the confusion it creates as we parent our teenagers and how to clear up the distortions of this lens.  We create more calm and confidence when we expand our vision and understanding.

When our children turned into teenagers, no one told us that we need to change the lenses through which we see them.  Our parenting lenses are cloudy and distorted, which create the frustration and anger we feel.  Heidi gives an intro to her transformative 5 Clarifying Lens Method which helps mothers create the calm and confidence they want.

We say words out of habit that create emotions in our body that we might not like.  Heidi walks us through three words to evaluate in our thoughts and conversations.  Listen to find out the dangers of saying HAVE TO, SHOULD and WRONG too often.  Changing small words will remove judgement and obligation from our lives and replace them with curiosity and desire.

Everyone feels the victim of the COVID-19 virus sweeping across the world now.  And we're unsure how to get mad at this villain so we're getting mad at other people.  Our teenagers even make us the villain.  Learn what victim mentality is and how to change into a hero mentality.  We have SO much more power right now than we realize!

When faced with challenges, people either OVER function or UNDER function.  And we do either one to AVOID feeling anxiety and heightened emotions.  This becomes a problem when resentment grows and our relationships become dysfunctional.  Listen to know which one you are (we're all one - neither is better or worse!) and how to minimize the stress and anxiety you are feeling now.  It could be... you...

We need to force our brains to separate out what is the math of life, the real facts of life.  Then see the drama that we and the world add to interpret the facts.  We THINK a lot of the drama is just true.  But it isn't.  When we become aware of the emotion around the facts, we get to decide HOW we want to interpret what is going.  We have the power to change what we feel and how we act, even whe...

During times of stress, anxiety, and sadness we are conditioned to reach for comfort food to provide a quick moment of pleasure.  We want to escape the negative feelings in our body and we crave sweet and salty foods.  A little of this is okay, but with our current situation of being at home 24 hours a day, it's important to understand WHY we are reaching for those foods to limit the negative effe...

Last week schools shut down, sports were cancelled - life as our teens have known it was ripped out from under them.  Seniors are now anticipating possibly no prom, graduation, - no visits to pick colleges, etc.  They are experiencing a disappointment and frustration that hasn't been collectively experienced before.  Learn how you as parents can support them, and even make this a positive memory.

Right now there is a lot of uncertainty in the world.  We don't know how long schools will be closed, stores and restaurants limited, work closed or everyone working from home.  Travel is halted and we don't know when life will resume as we knew it.  Our brains don't like uncertainty.  Listen to find out why and how you can manage the uncertainty in your life.

VERY IMPORTANT EPISODE!  This episode will help you manage the feelings of chaos, uncertainty and stress you may be feeling as the world deals with the effects of the coronavirus.  Do not suffer needlessly.  Know what causes the chaos and how to separate facts from the drama of the situation.  Listen to hear important tools so you choose how you respond.  Choose the type of example you want to be...

Nothing positive comes from comparing ourselves to other people.   We create insecurity and shame, disappointment and guilt - all needlessly generated if we don't manage the thoughts in our brain.  Listen to find out why we compare ourselves and how to stop ourselves from going down this negative spiral.  Heidi teaches great tips to get you out of the compare despair universe and into your own wor...

Unlike conventional wisdom, nothing outside of us hurts our feelings or makes us happy.  We do that on our own, which is amazing news!  Heidi explains the concept of emotional childhood and adulthood.  Its life changing to stop blaming things outside of us for controlling our emotions - and to have awareness then take responsibility for controlling every emotion we feel.  The good and the bad emot...

Our brains feel like worrying about the future will solve a problem that may happen.  Worry feels very necessary and almost like a way to show we love people.  The problem is that worry isn't any of those things.  Worry robs us of peace we could feel today and it doesn't solve anything.  Worry blocks us from living today, being in the present and having confidence we can handle any problem or emot...

Perfectionism isn't about achieving a high level of excellence.  It is a fear of what other people think of us, it is fear of failure and fear of what we think of ourselves when we make mistakes.  Learn more about what perfectionism is, and isn't.  And better yet, learn tools and exercises to help you overcome perfectionism.