Confidence Coaching with Heidi Benjaminsen

Sarcasm may seem harmless, and possibly is it aimed at yourself.  But there is a reason sarcasm is rarely received well.  That is because sarcasm means "to tear flesh".  Sarcasm hurts.  Sarcasm is the least mature way to communicate and often we use sarcasm to passive-aggressively communicate we want someone to change. Listen as Heidi explains what sarcasm really is, what to do when we want to be...

It's so easy to live life on auto-pilot, day in - day out, have our schedules, priorities, focuses and forget a few important facts.  Its easy to forget the mundane tasks, the daily mess, the kids hitting balls on the house is all evidence of the abundance in our life.  It's easy to forget to put our challenges in perspective, realizing someone else got really bad news today.  It's easy to forget...

Confidence begins with controlling our emotions and understanding what we experience is NOT dependent on other people.  This is emotional independence.  This is the freedom to feel whatever we want to feel, regardless of the people and the world around us. Emotional independence is what allows us to stay calm while others are angry, to feel peace as others feel turmoil and how to feel the negative...

We "miss" our children when they leave home for college, work, military, etc.  It's a big adjustment period.  Its important to know how to handle our own emotions of sadness and "missing" them WITHOUT adding emotional burden to our children. Listen as Heidi shares her experiences of taking two children to college and how she processed these bittersweet emotions while supporting her children with t...

Trailing after many of our thoughts are the REAL opinions, biases, judgments and thoughts which are creating what we experience.  We are less impacted by what others do and MORE impacted by thinking they SHOULD be different.  We are less impacted by the world and MORE impacted by our opinions if we can handle life or if it is too much.  This is what we uncover when we learn how to identify our "tr...

We get hurt when people criticize or say mean things about us.  And we feel loved and valued when people compliment us and love us.  In reality... what other people think about us reveals everything about them and very little about us.  Because people see us the way THEY are, not the way WE are. Listen as Heidi explains how she has handled hurtful comments and learned to see how these comments wer...

Emotionally healthy families include a mother who knows what she likes, who knows her own desires, dreams, wants - separate from those of her family.  Children feel safer and more secure when they see their mother able to express and meet her desires. Its easy while parenting to silence or ignore our own desires and wants.  Listen as Heidi shares how this happens and how to "tune in" to you intern...

We all know the feeling in the pit of our stomach - we hear about a fun party and realize we weren't invited.  Or we go to a luncheon and everyone is already sitting with a friend.  We feel "left out".  Where does this feeling come from and why does it leave us acting in ways that perpetuate us being "left out"?   Listen as Heidi shares examples and tools to handle these situations with confidence...

Our values are what is most important, above all else, in our lives. Our values are the principles and beliefs driving our actions. Often, though, we don't stop to identify exactly what we value. Listen as Heidi explains why we need to identify and name our values before we set new year's goals and resolutions. Heidi walks you through the questions to ask yourself that reveal your core values. Eve...

In the last several months, Heidi has experienced a lot of changes - selling a home and moving her family, sending children to college, and more.  Listen as she shares specific experiences of using the tools she teaches in this podcast to confidently stay anchored and to lessen the anxiety of her children and their new changes.  Hear the incredible benefits of changing the internal relationship we...

We all are going to get accidentally and intentionally hurt by others because we're all human.  When we do get hurt (especially when there is no intent), we need to understand the purpose of pain, the purpose of guilt and be able to sit with the discomfort of both.  We are responsible to validate and express our pain, while also NOT hurting back.  We do not need to "take away" the guilt the other...

Arrogance is not confidence, although some may confuse the two and think they are the same.  Arrogant people have a low self-esteem, they are constantly comparing themselves to others and need to be better to feel good.  Confident people, on the other hand, like themselves and do not need to compare themselves outward to feel good.  Listen to Heidi explain the difference between arrogance and conf...

Running a marathon, writing a book, making $1 million dollars, starting a restaurant, getting re-married… some of these feel IMPOSSIBLE to us.  But they are not impossible if we decide we REALLY want to do them.  Listen to Heidi talk with Felicia Broccolo, a coach who helps women turn the impossible into reality.  Learn how to anticipate obstacles, why goal setting is important for mothers with ch...

Asking questions that actually get your teen talking to you is a skill and one of the most powerful tools we have to create lasting relationships.  We have to remember we DON'T know what they are thinking and we have to be genuinely curious.  Listen as Heidi shares ways to change our mindset and ways to ask questions that get your teen talking.   Learn why it's important to pause and listen and ho...

Raise your hand if you have a hard time accepting compliments. I hope that we all have our hands raised. I know I do. But why is that? Social Scientists have a lot of ideas why, and we can talk about those in this episode, but it all boils down to why we bat that compliment away and don't receive the nice gift that has been given to us. That's not right, is it? It's not a sign of humility and meek...

Confident people use certain words and tone of voice that reflect they are okay with who they are and that they accept their strengths and weaknesses. Confident people don't over-explain or desperately need other people to understand their choices. Confidence doesn't put other people down, which reveals our insecurities. Confident people can be happy for other people. Heidi shares many situations...

When a mother invests in her own confidence, security and self-love, she is in a position to "gift" these same emotions to her children.  Listen to the beautiful episode where I interview a client and friend of mine who has done some amazing work over the past year.  Alisha shares her insecurities before coaching, specifically her worry about telling her youngest daughter she is adopted.  Listen t...

Heidi shares a story about a trip she took a few years ago, where her GPS took her off the "direct path" and a beautiful trip that unfolded.  Heidi shares many lessons from this trip about the options for worry, stress or calm and relaxation as our GPS (or the GPS of our teens) takes them on a path different from others.  Learn helpful ways to support (and not disconnect from) friends on their own...

Envy and jealousy are emotions that, if they drive our lives, create disconnection with others and block gratitude and love.  The more we like ourselves, the more we can manage our jealousy and love others.  Listen as Heidi gives examples of how we act when jealous (critical, shaming, talking about others behind their back, judging) including specific things we say.  Learn two tricks - one interna...

We mentally put people on pedestals when we elevate everything about them to be amazing, perfect, the greatest of all time, etc.  This isn't just admiring and respecting these people - this is expecting them to be perfect in all ways because they do excel in some ways.  When we do this, we create disconnection with these people we revere and we're set up to always be disappointed - because no one...

Often we share with others how excited and happy we are to do new, exciting things... and we forget to mention that we're ALSO scared, nervous and fearful. Social media is full of excitement and we rarely post about how terrified we were as well during the adventure. Listen as Heidi shares several examples of why it is important to label and discuss the negative we feel so our teens know these emo...

Everyone wants to know their feelings and experiences are "okay" and normal, and we seek this validation from other people. Our teens are especially anxious that everything they are feeling is "normal". Empathy is the fuel that will ground and anchor our teens into being confident in how they are experiencing life. They desperately want to know it's okay to feel nervous, lonely, excited, scared an...

It can be tempting to use guilt as emotional fuel to get our teens to do what we want them to do. The danger of using guilt for compliance is this models inappropriate and immature communication and manipulation. Guilt will always create resentment and disconnection - two things we all do NOT want part of our relationships with our teens. Our teens need to see us have needs and wants. They need to...

Guilt is a powerful emotional tool humans use to get other people to do things for us. But no one likes feeling "guilted" into doing things - guilt is a terrible emotion to use as fuel and it brings resentment and disconnection along with it. Listen to hear how to recognize when someone is trying to guilt you into meeting their needs and hear examples of how to effectively, directly and maturely c...

Confident people take the first step, introduce themselves to others, smile, start uncomfortable conversations, apologize, invite others... confident people take the initiative. Confident people are willing to feel vulnerable and endure rejection because they want the results that come from taking the initiative - deeper relationships, more friends and connections, more money and more. Listen as H...