Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic with Jon Seidl

“I desperately wanted to be loved... and yet my entire life had feared that if I let people know me, I would be deemed unworthy of love.” Joel Warneking lived a double life. He was preaching, leading worship, traveling with a Christian band, and serving in ministry—all while secretly battling a pornography addiction that began when he was just eight years old. Even after confessi...

“I told my whole family, ‘I'm quitting.’ But in my head this voice was screaming, ‘I don't know what to do. I can't quit.’” For years, Sherry Hoppen lived between those two realities. To the people around her, she was trying. She was making promises. She was attending church, raising a family, and doing everything a good Christian woman was supposed to do. But b...

“The fear of our heart is built on sin’s great lie: that the place of healing is the place of harm. That the chalice of confession is filled with poison. That the medicine God has provided cannot be trusted. We have come to believe that confession is not a place of life but instead a place of death.” Those words from Jamin Goggin’s book, Pastoral Confessions , capture the h...

“The addiction is not who you are. This is not your identity. You are a person first and you are loved by God.” For years, Christina Dent viewed addiction the way many of us were taught to view it: as people being simply too lazy, too selfish, or too indifferent to stop. Then she became a foster mom—and what she saw changed everything. When Christina met the birth mother of one o...

“In success, I sought to self-medicate. In failure, I sought to self-medicate.” From the outside, Travis Blakeley had the kind of life many people would envy. He grew up in an affluent area of Dallas, attended a prestigious school, followed Jesus, worked in professional basketball as a coach, executive, and broadcaster, and built the picture-perfect life in the suburbs with his wife an...

“It was such a relief to not have to lie anymore.” That’s how Jed Payne describes the moment he finally stopped hiding and came clean. Again. For years, Jed was a substance abuse counselor. He hosted a recovery podcast. He helped other people pursue sobriety and healing. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, he was spiraling back into addiction, secrecy, gambling, relapse, and despair. A...

"The younger we are when things happen to us and the more serious they are, the stronger the feelings are and the more often those feelings show up.” Those are the words of therapist and author Kimberly Miller, one of the kindest and most genuine people I have ever met. Kim’s work has profoundly shaped not only this podcast, but also my own sobriety journey and ministry. Her book Bound...

“The Enneagram was demanding that I look to it first, and only through its lens could I look to God second.” That’s just one of the revelations made by author and Oxford theology student Christina Lynn Wallace. For years, Christina loved the Enneagram—a tool that has become popular in counseling and recovery circles. It helped her understand herself. It gave language to her...

“The only thing that had changed was the object of my worship—I went from worshiping alcohol to worshiping sobriety.” Those are the words of Brett Smith. For years, Brett struggled with alcoholism, eventually finding sobriety through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. He did everything right. He worked the program. He sponsored other guys. He carried the message. He went to me...

Welcome to the first ever bonus episode of the Confessions podcast! I'm trying something new, and I'm excited to hear what you think. On this special episode, you’re going to hear me on the other side of the mic—instead of interviewing someone, I'm being interviewed. The interviewer? My good friend Christy Osborne, host of the  Love Life Sober podcast . In fact, this is actua...

“I didn’t want to be sober. I wanted to be free. True freedom is only found in Jesus Christ.” Ian Faulkner looked like he had everything going for him. He grew up in the Church, became one of the top-ranked soccer players in his area, and even played professionally for the Los Angeles Lazers. From the outside, it was the kind of story many people chase: fame, recognition, success...

“I knew I wasn’t supposed to do it but I didn’t understand why, because it felt like it was helping and I wasn’t hurting anyone.” That’s how modern-day theologian, author, and speaker Brenna Blain describes her addiction. Addictions, really. Because she didn't just develop one. Even after addressing her disordered relationship with alcohol, she went on to develo...

“I knew all the right things to say about Jesus, but I was living a completely different life when no one was looking.” That’s how Andy describes the reality of leading in the Church while quietly unraveling behind the scenes. Andy wasn’t just a Christian struggling in private—he was a pastor. He was preaching, leading, and helping others follow Jesus, all while hidin...

“Alcohol is not a kind or fair lover.” That’s how Amy Leigh Wicks describes the relationship that quietly shaped her life for years—one that didn’t always look chaotic from the outside, but was slowly taking more than it ever gave. Amy is a poet, professor, actor, and mom. But long before the PhD, the published poetry books, and the life she has now, there was a diffe...

“Most people don’t actually know who they are. And when you don’t know who you are, you will always live in fear.” What if your struggles with alcohol, food, or whatever else is tripping you up wasn't about the substance as much as it was about something below the surface you never would have put your finger on? Today's guest, Jamie Winship, has a pulse on what that "thing"...

“You think you’re losing your best friend, but you’re gaining the ultimate friend in Jesus.” That’s how JP Graves describes what it felt like to walk away from alcohol. I felt that, too. Alcohol was always there for me no matter what. It told me I was right, it comforted me when I was wrong, and it always made it better—even if “better” was flee...

“It was taking so much more of me than it was giving.” That’s how Heidi Mills describes her relationship with alcohol—and not in a dramatic, rock-bottom kind of way. In fact, that’s what makes her story so relatable. There wasn’t a single moment where everything fell apart. Instead, there was a long, quiet, up-and-down relationship with alcohol that looked norma...

“Suffering brings you to the end of yourself and you have to decide—do I love the Giver or do I love the gifts the most?” That realization didn’t come easily for Kimberly Phinney. It came after years of chasing the kinds of addictions people rarely call addictions at all—perfectionism, workaholism, people-pleasing, and the relentless drive to prove your worth. And it...

“Everyone has a shame story.” That’s from this week’s guest, Dr. Zoe Shaw. And she’s right. Shame isn’t reserved for the dramatic or the scandalous. It’s universal. It goes back to the garden. It hides deep. And it quietly shapes far more of our behavior than we’d like to admit. Dr. Zoe is a licensed psychotherapist, speaker, and author of Stronger i...

“I feel like I’m seeing colors now that I didn’t know existed.” There should be a study done on how many recovering addicts say this exact thing (or something similar) about colors and their senses. It's what I said after getting sober and pursuing Jesus, and it's what Eddie Brett told me happened to him after he did the same thing.  Eddie is someone who had it all. He...

“Hope does not know how to leave. It just stays and quietly whispers, 'everything’s going to be okay. I know everything isn’t okay right now. Everything’s going be okay.'” That's from Tanner Olson, an absolutely incredible poet who has a lot to say about the things that plunge us into addiction in the first place. His poetry isn't unreachable, though. It's poetry that...

“Forgiveness isn’t condoning what happened. It’s choosing not to let it destroy you anymore. … I forgave my dad more times than I can count, and I’ll probably keep forgiving him forever.” Those are the beautiful words from Stephen McWhirter. You might not know McWhirter's name, but you do know his songs. Especially one of them. That’s because he’s t...

“You are not stuck because of what happened. You’re stuck because your brain keeps running the same play. And your brain is always ready to run a new one the moment you tell it to.” That's just one of the incredible insights from practicing neurosurgeon Dr. Lee Warren, who joins us today to talk about a practice he calls "self-brain surgery." In this conversation, Lee explains ho...

“Addiction promises control, comfort, and rescue—but it actually strips all of those things away. It intoxicates you so you can no longer discern what’s really happening.” Is addiction merely a personal struggle—or is it part of a much larger spiritual battle? In this episode, Joel Muddamalle helps us rethink addiction through the lens of spiritual warfare, not in a s...

“It wasn’t about how much I drank—it was about how much mental and heart space it occupied. I loved it more than I wanted to admit.” That realization for Ali Kennedy didn’t come during a dramatic rock bottom. Instead, it came after years of managing, moderating, and justifying a relationship with alcohol that looked fine on the outside but was slowly crowding out joy,...