Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved One's Recovery from Addiction & Mental Illness

It’s human to make decisions that we later regret. Especially when addiction is present in our Loved Ones, fear and deep concern can often color our decision-making process. To see more clearly, we can take a step (or two) back and look at the situation through a new lens. I’m used to considering my Loved One’s needs first, but where do I fit into the equation? What are my own needs right now and...

There's a science to identifying the ripest moments for talking with your Loved One and knowing how to navigate them. Find out the opening lines that are sure to shut the conversation down before it even starts. Find out how to approach your Loved One in a way that keeps communication lines open. And finally, find out what you should have in your back pocket in case a ripe moment arises. A mem...

When we face uncertainty, especially in relation to a Loved One struggling with substances, we tend to catastrophize, and challenging emotions like fear and helplessness can take over. As one mother puts it, "I jump on the zipline to nowhere." Each of our Families Speak co-hosts brings nuggets of wisdom and hard-earned strategy to this super-relevant conversation. Our Families Speak seri...

Children are often present when a parent or other Loved One uses substances problematically. It can be complicated to know how much to say to them about the substance use, and they might not necessarily have the words to talk about it. Kayla and Isabel talk about ways to spare the children as much as possible, and even "use them" as leverage. Partner CRAFT is the podcast series by Allies...

Two sisters continue to look at their present-day relationship with a Dad with problematic drinking and mental illness. How have they changed the way they respond now as young adults, when they see him drinking? What observations do they have of CRAFT in action? Kayla weighs in with some inspired guidance for the girls, going forward. The CRAFT method was designed for any family member to use with...

An honest and deeply real account from two sisters. They were pre-teens when their parents split up and they started to see the signs their Dad had a serious drinking problem. Their mom began using CRAFT with him and the girls navigated as best they could. Fast forward 13 years: they're young adults, both living far away. How have they been affected and where are they today? The CRAFT method w...

Kayla checks in with Annie Highwater, a regular contributor to our blog, about ways that CRAFT and Allies in Recovery's member site have changed her as a person. Is your Loved One struggling with addiction?  Allies in Recovery’s online program can help. You’ll learn a powerful, evidence-based approach to improve your wellbeing and that of other family members. Allies in Recovery provides the strat...

When your Loved One has substance use and/or mental illness, communication can get sticky and prickly pretty quickly. Yet there's no world where we'll never need to have difficult conversations with our family members. CRAFT provides an incredibly effective toolbox for developing more easeful relationships. In this episode, our co-hosts—family members dealing with a Loved One's substan...

What goes around, comes around. Kenny, Bridget, and Elizabeth came to Allies in Recovery as family members looking for help with shifting the dynamic with an addicted Loved One. At the time, rather than recording episodes for the world, they were listening and learning, like you. Listen to them speak about their all-time favorite Coming Up for Air episodes and why they were so impactful. One Famil...

Money is already such a huge issue for almost everyone, before you even add Substance Use Disorder (SUD) into the mix! Things get exponentially more complex when it's your loved one with addiction issues asking for money. Whether it's "just 20 dollars" or rent for an apartment, families often experience the feeling of being hostage to their fear for their loved one. Giving your l...

In part 2 of 2, Isabel, Kayla, and their co-hosts -- family members with direct experience -- discuss their favorite tools and tips they've picked up from working with the CRAFT method through Allies in Recovery . Our Families Speak series features a wonderful team of people navigating life with an addicted loved one. They are all members of Allies in Recovery, an online platform providing tra...

Isabel, Kayla, and co-hosts with direct experience discuss their favorite tools and tips they've picked up from working with the CRAFT method through Allies in Recovery . Part 1 of 2. Our Families Speak series features a wonderful team of people navigating life with an addicted loved one. They are all members of Allies in Recovery, an online platform providing training, guidance, support and r...

If you have an addicted loved one, chances are you're all too familiar with "hyper-arousal" or "survival mode." As Emily explains with brio, this state is meant to serve us when there's danger, then pass. What does it look like when we're chronically in this mode? Physical and mental/emotional signs are there and can serve as signposts, Emily explains, indicating we...

Sometimes, our Loved Ones' situations call for incredibly difficult decisions. Co-host Hazel shares a recent high-stakes moment that felt like a necessary betrayal. Our Families Speak series features a wonderful team of people navigating life with an addicted loved one. They are all members of  Allies in Recovery , an online platform providing training, guidance, support and resources for fami...

When there's Substance Use Disorder (SUD) and mental health diagnoses, what do you do? Can you use CRAFT? Yes, most of the time you can, unless the mental health issues make you or them unsafe. Co-host Bridget offers a central point: with this difficult combo, think of what is, not "what if." Our Families Speak series features a wonderful team of people navigating life with an addict...

How do you deal with having hard feelings around your loved one's substance use? Kayla, Carolyn, Bridget, Elizabeth, and Kenny discuss their experiences and feelings of anxiety, frustration, and fear and their tools for handling the situation. The Allies in Recovery program and the CRAFT Method for families seeking to help a loved one with addiction, teach concrete skills to shift the dynamics...

It's easy to feel like you have to be perfect with CRAFT, perfect with your Loved One to be successful. But perfectionism gets in the way of connection. It can blind us, keep us from seeing our loved one fully. Your acknowledging things not going the way you wanted, and taking responsibility for your behaviors that don’t work—is all part of fostering connection. If your Loved One feels connect...

If we're doing too much for our loved ones with substance use disorder, we'll never truly know how capable they are. We need to step back to see their capability and witness their choices, realizing that they have their own motivations and values. CRAFT is about creating a strong connection without necessarily doing things for them. This is a process, one which respects the other person. D...

Kayla and Isabel discuss the complications of rewarding your Loved One with addiction, in the context of a partner relationship. How does it affect time with children? How about intimacy? Partner CRAFT is the podcast series by Allies in Recovery that focuses on applying the CRAFT method with a romantic partner (or ex-partner) who struggles with addiction. Co-hosts Kayla Solomon (psychotherapist, I...

Kayla and Isabel discuss the challenges of early recovery. What are realistic expectations to have of our loved ones in this period? What can we do as a family member to support them and, importantly, to keep ourselves in check? It's helpful to know what "early recovery" means -- there's a spectrum that goes from complete abstinence to harm reduction (using less). Recovery in the...

Oy, the holidays. This time of year can be a time full of triggers, for our Loved One with Substance Use Disorder, but also for their family members. It's also a time where we can get disconcerting questions about our how our Loved Ones have been doing. And so many of us have that "Hallmark holiday" somewhere in our minds, which can keep our expectations unrealistic. Three family members join Kayl...

Recovery is progress, not perfection, and it doesn’t look the same for everyone. As the family of a Loved One with substance use disorder (SUD), it can be tempting to impose our own expectations onto our Loved One. But as we ease up on expectations, we're taking pressure off our Loved One, allowing them space to try things and see how it goes. Sometimes mistakes can become the best learning mo...

It’s incredibly hard to have a Loved One who’s experiencing homelessness. Our hosts—Hazel, Kevin, and Greer—join Kayla Solomon to discuss their experiences with their Loved Ones and offer hard-won advice. They say it’s important to try to create an environment of openness, connection, and availability—up to a point. But it’s also important to have boundaries. If you’re not giving advice or interve...

What you don’t do – like get caught up in being a superhero, or telling your Loved One what they “should do” – can help your relationship emerge as a partnership. If we develop good relationships, we have power. If we have the capacity to change, we have power. If we have awareness, we can make choices, and that gives us power, too. By accepting the invitation to change ourselves , we will have th...

Self-care is a pillar of CRAFT; helping yourself is essential to helping your Loved One. A lot of CRAFT focuses on a parent trying to help an adult child, so how do we shift things in a partner relationship so we're able to play the starring role in our own lives? Is there room to focus on ourselves when our loved one is not showing up in the relationship, family, or household? Partner CRAFT i...