Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved One's Recovery from Addiction & Mental Illness

When your partner suffers from Substance Use Disorder, what are realistic expectations in your relationship? Are your expectations setting you up for frustration? Which of your needs can you meet for yourself? Kayla Solomon and Isabel Cooney explore the often sticky nature of partnership when SUD is involved. Partner CRAFT is a podcast series by Allies in Recovery⁠ that focuses on applying the CRA...

When your partner is using substances year after year and you don't see change, you may end up wondering, "Why am I staying?" A listener wrote in that she wondered about staying with her husband, who struggles with alcohol but hasn't responded to her efforts to practice CRAFT thus far. Would leaving him constitute "natural consequences?" Isabel Cooney and Kayla Solomon...

The original CRAFT is outcome-driven and behavioral-based, aimed at getting people into treatment. Allies has made it more connection- and relationship-oriented, focused on listening and communication. The same skill set Allies focuses on — validating, not arguing, not giving advice or challenging someone's reality or perception — often works with someone dealing with mental health challenges....

What happens to the 30 percent who, in the traditional, research-based CRAFT model, don't make it to treatment in 12 weeks? The Allies in Recovery version — "applied" CRAFT — goes beyond the 12-week version and focuses on change, not just going to treatment. We discuss where you can begin the process, and how you can lead by modelling. Long-term change is the goal. At Allies in Recov...

What do these terms mean? Should we use them? And are they disparaging? "Dry drunk" comes from Alcoholics Anonymous, and refers to someone who's abstinent, but may not obviously be doing more than remaining abstinent. And "manipulation" is often in the eye of the beholder. CRAFT can help take the judgment out of it and help you get to know your process, and make choices on...

How do you work with anxiety so it's of service to you? Sometimes, anxiety is information akin to intuition, a sign that maybe you need to set up a boundary. At the same time, the only completely accurate fact in moments of anxiety is that you don't know. Part of the work we need to do is getting comfortable with and coping with not-knowing. Allies in Recovery provides training and ongoing...

Approach the question of capability with awareness and connection. Look at your own awareness of what they're capable of or struggling with. You may be doing too much, leaving you unaware of what they can truly do. Do mini-experiments when they want to do things, and collect data. Help them have an opportunity to succeed or fail. Foster connection by not being critical or having huge expectati...

Our hosts speak with Dr. Julie McCarthy, Associate Psychologist at McLean Hospital and Assistant Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School. Dr. McCarthy has received funding from the National Institute of Mental Health, National Institute on Drug Abuse, Harvard Medical School, and philanthropic support. Her research aims to identify biopsychosocial treatment targets and develop and evaluat...

Celebrate the small victories, so they become bigger and multiply. Take yourself out of the story so your Loved One can write their own. Trust that they can function on some level. They have the skills they use to navigate the difficult world of substance use, and those skills just need to be translated to a different lifestyle. At Allies in Recovery, we train, guide, and support families using th...

Taking a deliberate break to do nothing is about clearing a space, removing internal clutter and distraction. You can often gain new insight and power to make choices in that space. It's about taking care of yourself, replenishing and healing, and coming up with better ideas than your more anxious or panicked self can. Allies in Recovery provides training and ongoing support for families ready...

What does it mean to CRAFT? Why do slowing things down and positive reinforcement help your Loved One with substance use and/or mental health struggles to move forward? How does CRAFT guide us to bring compassion, not judgment to the situation? When we think we see laziness or avoidance, is it possible we may be looking at depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem? Allies in Recovery provides traini...

When the stakes are low, CRAFT seems easier to use. What do you do when the stakes are high, when danger feels present? Assessing safety -- yours and theirs -- is first. But CRAFT, even in those moments, can help you communicate more effectively while still holding to the boundaries you need. It's tougher in high-stakes situations, so go easy on yourself. It may not be perfect, but just give i...

Our hosts address a post from someone whose boyfriend just went to detox. So how does CRAFT come into play now? The reasons someone drank or used drugs before haven't gone away, and they will come bubbling to the surface. CRAFT—and the CRAFT community—help you with the process that's begun with this first step of going to treatment. A membership at Allies in Recovery gives you unlimited ac...

People around you may want to be helpful, but not know quite how to truly help. They may offer pat answers or tell you to calm down because things aren't so bad. The temptation is to play the short game, to get caught up in the moment and solve the immediate crisis. Instead, learn how to calm your system CRAFT-style, so that you can process and not be as reactive. Think longer-term — if you do...

Your situation is uniquely your own. But as with any illness, it’s not entirely unique—others are also dealing with the illness. Trying strategies to manage your condition is the same thing as using CRAFT for coping with addiction. An important part of CRAFT is the C, which stands for “community.” Don’t be hopeless. Step out and bring the things you’re struggling with to the site, possibly to a gr...

We sometimes hitch our well-being to another person's behavior and emotional state. Strong negative emotions can get in the way of connection. When they happen, notice and respond, but don't derail with the other person. You can see your thoughts as stories -- what story are you telling yourself that produces your emotions? The idea is to turn your attention to yourself and what the emotio...

How do you make good decisions when the fear of your loved one’s death colors everything? If you’re stuck in a bad dynamic, your only option is to do things differently. CRAFT tools can help you change the dynamic over time, and help your loved one stay alive. It involves facing the fear, and implementing CRAFT on your own terms, in your own time. A membership at Allies in Recovery includes:  ✔ St...

It can be easy to dismiss things that don't work immediately, to give up and say, "Now what?" That's usually the wrong strategy. Instead, see every day as a new one, and remember that CRAFT takes practice and time. See CRAFT methods as tools for life, for all relationships. Stepping back, listening effectively, giving people respect and power, self-care, focusing on the positive...

Our hosts discuss examples of "the craft of CRAFT" and the art of changing our messaging with subtlety and compassion to communicate better with our loved ones. It's about finding thoughtful ways to express boundaries and explain your needs and requests without criticizing. And keep in mind that the conversation will continue. Join Allies in Recovery today to access expert guidance,...

Christina Dent discusses her new book, Curious: A Foster Mom's Discovery of an Unexpected Solution to Drugs and Addiction. Christina grew up in a conservative Christian home. Her views of addiction changed dramatically when she and her husband became foster parents. Christina founded the non-profit End It For Good to invite others to listen to the voices directly impacted by our drug laws. Joi...

Laurie asks co-host Kayla questions about the role of a therapist in addressing substance use disorder. Kayla Solomon is a social worker in private practice in Northampton, Mass. Her specialty in addiction began right after college when she was hired as a methadone counselor in Brooklyn. She has worked in Intensive Outpatient Programs, clinics, residential and private practice. She is certified in...

Our hosts have a conversation with Bill Carruthers, who describes himself as "a person in long-term recovery." He is also a Certified Psychiatric Rehabilitation Practitioner; a Certified Peer Specialist for Mental Health, Addictive Disease, and Whole Health; and a Forensic Peer Mentor. He has done hundreds of presentations and workshops, and works to bring a voice gained through recovery...

A listener asks about their son's marijuana use: is it a problem? With a substance that also had medicinal uses but can also create issues, more questions arise. Are there benefits? Is the person functioning and communicating well? Are they connecting with people? The answers lie in working on communication, in helping the person understand for themselves whether it's a problem.

Our hosts discuss the situation of a family whose loved one wants to do fentanyl detox at home. What's involved in detoxing? How does it work? And should they let their loved one do it this way?

If you're forced to have limited contact, it can be hard to handle the unknown. It's important to learn how to be in contact in simple ways, and to calm your system down to respond well and strengthen the connection. Use humor; find ways to connect with who they are and what they like -- reminding them of who they are becomes a bridge and connection. If you’re worried, learn how to communi...