Cold Brew Got Me Like

"Iron Claw" sucked. Japanese scientists computer-modeled the call of the Moa (in like, 1980) and played it through a loudspeaker in a New Zealand swamp - to little effect. ALSO: Rogue waves, the guys who threw pies at Bill Gates and Bird scooters repurposed as police batons. PLUS: Chris previews the next Nashville Confidential and a song of the week from Sugar!!! Sugar - "A Good Idea": https://www...

Some guy put a coffee roaster in his gym. Van Gogh got tweaked on coffee. Where did Van Gogh get all the paint? ALSO: William Friedkin vs Al Pacino. Mortgage companies are where 48 Hours episodes are born. PLUS: A new Advice King!! A new Can Do Cold Brew ad!! Song(s) of the week from Jonathan Richman, Hayden and Flyte!!! Jonathan Richman - "Vincent Van Gogh": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gkicm...

Dystopian job listings. A podcast hosted by garbagemen called "The Dump." ALSO: The horror of Moms for Liberty, and a little ditty about seasonal depression. PLUS: An epic Can do Cold Brew ad, and a link to a video of Chris's recent Nashville show (below)!!! Chris Crofton live at Dee's in Nashville: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbjhQFDmF2M&t=3819s Patreon: Patreon.com/chriscrofton Channel N...

CUBEHEADS! The rodeo clown running Argentina. Corporate media talking about the "complicated legacies" of war criminals. Knowing so much you can't function, vs knowing so little that you play frisbee. ALSO: Harvard isn't for learning, it's for networking. The world's highest bouncing superball. PLUS: The myth of nuanced tasers, the new Advice King column and a song of the week from Big Star!!!! Bi...

Rich people’s roof decks collapsing under the weight of their helicopters. Death may be a premature conclusion. Greg is stockpiling carbon paper. ALSO: Billionaires looking at each other and seeing cartoon turkey legs. Proto-libertarians mad about newspaper stands. PLUS: Chris's NPR feature, The Advice King, The Galapagos Affair, I Called Him Morgan and a song of the week from Madi Diaz! Chris's N...

Yeti coolers' marketing team successfully hypnotized the 1%. Elon Musk is TRULY, objectively dumb - case closed. ALSO: Trump did NOT pay back those loans. The new Neil Hamburger album is out!!! PLUS: The new Can Do Cold Brew ad and a bonus song of the week from The Lemonheads (the first is "The March" from Neil Hamburger). Neil Hamburger - "The March (featuring Bonnie Prince Billy)": https://www.y...

Chris says "I don't remember what I used to talk about on these shows." Greg wants to steal all the cars at the airport. Chris says beware of overly energetic people. ALSO: The latest Advice King, Chris's new NPR show Nashville Confidential (link below), and Jared Leto's horrible new song. PLUS: Song of the week (a Bob Dylan cover) from Richie Havens!!!! Richie Havens - "If Not For You": https://w...

Aliens will snatch the earth. Self-driving cars will become sentient and run society. ALSO: Chris's Wealth Hoarding Corner™ PLUS: Dar Robinson supervises a Knoxville furniture salesman's fire walk, and the song of the week from Deodato!!!! Deodato - "Also Sprach Zarathustra": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJKsp9_L24Q Patreon: Patreon.com/chriscrofton Channel Nonfiction: Channelnonfiction.com Can...

Autozone is a sorry excuse for a community center. People marveling at instances when the ultra-wealthy are "nice." Kevin Costner thinks he IS his character from Yellowstone. ALSO: Sherpas, Robert Irwin: "A Desert of Pure Feeling." PLUS: Nashville Confidential's WPLN debut (link below!) and a song of the week by The National!!! The National - "Hornets": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sV_PWzzYBwo...

Chris is solo again this week. He wants to start a cold yoga business. The bourgeois are already lounging in ice baths, so why wouldn't they lay down a yoga mat in a walk-in freezer? ALSO: The Neil Hamburger tour, an Advice King column and the latest Can Do Cold Brew commercial. PLUS: A song of the week from Cinerama!!! Cinerama - "You Turn Me On": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFpoRYI4l_w Patre...

Greg's out of town, so Chris is all alone!!! The police are quiet quitting. Greg Gutfeld thinks it's time for a civil war because of shoplifting. Chris thinks those two things are connected. ALSO: Neil Hamburger!!! PLUS: A song of the week from Nick Lowe!!!! Nick Lowe - "Time Wounds All Heels": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=998fP8wMHus Patreon: Patreon.com/chriscrofton Channel Nonficton: Channel...

Cold Brew Got Me Like™ is big in Thailand??? The Nina, The Pinta and the Santa Maria. ALSO: Americans should spend more time thinking about birds. PLUS: Ayn Rand, again! Song of the Week "Ambulance Driver," by Superdrag!!! Superdrag - "Ambulance Driver": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GiAQPvXxuxQ Patreon: Patreon.com/chriscrofton Channel Nonfiction: Channelnonfiction.com Can Do Cold Brew: Candoco...

The CEO of Blackrock doesn't know why everyone is in a bad mood. His name is Larry Fink - for real. He manages 9 trillion dollars. Back in the day, the townspeople would have violently dismantled his stagecoach. ALSO: Anthony Blinken plays the blues. PLUS: Chris's upcoming tour with Neil Hamburger and a song of the week from Leslie Stevens!!!! Leslie Stevens - "Secrets": https://www.youtube.com/wa...

B-12 bombers full of schnapps. When your dad's job is scaring people in one of those haunted houses. ALSO: A ridiculously complimentary New Yorker article about anti-art sociopath David Zaslav. PLUS: Tina Fey in a dramatic role, life extension technology involving a pair of white shorts and a song of the week by The Replacements!!! The Replacements - "Little Mascara (Ed Stasium Mix)": https://www....

Old-west cosplay is NOT harmless. The Urban Cowboy is back, and he's a Republican UFC fighter driving a Dodge Ram with tinted windows. ALSO: Kevin Costner drives producer Don Was insane, and Jann Wenner tricks Chris into buying a Robbie Robbertson solo album. PLUS: The new Can Do Cold Brew Ad, and a somg of the week from Squeeze!!! Squeeze - "In Quintessence": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fSIF...

Ayn Rand brags that her worldview was set in stone when she was two years old. She was passionate about burning oil. Vivek Ramaswamy is Ayn Rand with a rockabilly hairstyle. ALSO: Christopher Nolan is a climate criminal. Greg's wellness routine is acupuncture and Mike and Ikes. ALSO: Ross Perot, Elvis Presley was JFK's emergency room doctor and Song of the Week from The La's!!!! The La's - "I Can'...

Rich people consider CLOSED signs an affront. Jack Gyllenhaal gets health advice from Gunther, his pony-tailed deck builder. ALSO: Hungover legislators vetoing stuff just so they can get back to their house faster. AJ Weberman was Bob Dylan's dominatrix. PLUS: The new Can Do Cold Brew ad, and song(s) of the week from the late, great Jimmy Buffett!!! Jimmy Buffett - "A Pirate Looks at Forty": https...

The greased watermelon, the "tetra-headed monster," and student loan forgiveness. ALSO: Rahm Emanuel, throwing away all your mail and deranged YMCA sleepovers!! PLUS: Chris is doing a tour in October with Neil Hamburger!! A new Can Do Cold Brew ad and a song of the week from "Justin and the Cosmics"!!! Justin and the Cosmics - "Are All My Friends Gonna Be Strangers": https://www.youtube.com/watch?...

Greg went to Germany! He tells us about the condiments! One of the candidates for mayor of Nashville has close ties to the Proud Boys. She made the runoff. Every kind person needs to vote. ALSO: Mom tells the drummer for The National about her car seat being broken. PLUS: The VERY GOOD new Can Do Cold Brew advertisement!! Annd...song of the week from The National - "Mr. November"!!! The National -...

Chris gives the final update on his run for Nashville City Council!!! Thank you all so much!!! A Can Do Cold Brew ad!!! A song of the week from Enigma!!! Enigma - "Return to Innocence": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rk_sAHh9s08 Patreon: Patreon.com/ChrisCrofton Channel Nonfiction: Channelnonfiction.com Can Do Cold Brew: Candocoldbrew.com

People are not moving to Tennessee, Texas and Florida for "freedom." They are moving there to avoid taxes. "Rich people like bike racks." -Greg "Rich people care about two things: tax avoidance and life extension." -Chris ALSO: The Shawshank Redemption contains all the secrets of white culture. Metal detectorists finding Civil War soldiers' beards. PLUS: Mitch MOconnell, a Can Do Cold Brew ad feat...

When there's no more gas, Dodge Rams will just be ominous-looking lawn furniture. Miltarized police, obligations to shareholders, Marjorie Taylor Greene and the importance of voting in local elections. ALSO: The new Nashville racetrack looks like a huge Bed Bath & Beyond. The fast lane of of the current track will be the new track's VIP section. PLUS: The best Can Do Cold Brew ad of all time,...

A dystopian technique for replacing a roof in one day. America's addiction to excitement. ALSO: Student loan forgiveness?? Calling vacation days "PTO." The new Can Do Cold Brew Ad. PLUS: An update on Chris's campaign, new info on the doomed submersible and a song of the week from Radio Shack occultist Mort Garson!! Mort Garson - "Tarot": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2p_x3FnAwE Chris's Nashvill...

Chris and Greg have written an A24 movie called "Dish Pit." Every role will be played by Adam Driver. To say that Licorice Pizza sucked, A24 employees had whisper to each other in a parking garage like Watergate informants. ALSO: "Coffee Church" - Chris's plan for community "kindness klatches." An update on Chris's campaign! PLUS: Greg's acupuncture cult, the new Can Do Cold Brew ad - and a song o...

New Nashville: Where the bulidings play!™ The Supreme Court has been compromised - stop letting it decide stuff. ALSO: The wealthy love roof decks because they can't see the poverty as well from up there. An update on Chris's campaign for Nashville City Council! The new Can Do Cold Brew Ad! PLUS: The earth is about to fall off its axis. Song of the week - "Telephone" - by Atlanta band SMALL!! SMAL...