Coffee with The Couple Cure

Are her needs more important than his? No, but as you’ll see in this video, his most important needs are usually already met. Our female clients can’t say the same, and this reduces feelings of safety. But is safety actually a need? TIMESTAMPS 0:00 Intro 0:11 Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs within relationships * 1:32 Different levels of needs 4:22 One Solution: Safety is also about reliability (so pr...

What if the person who's broken your trust says, “I did that because I can’t trust you!” Today we cover that, as well as the topic of vulnerability with author Matt Fray. TIMESTAMPS 0:00 Intro 0:11 When the man who broke trust says he can’t trust her * 2:08 Vulnerability isn’t weak (it’s THIS that’s weak) 3:42 Hiding (this) from the partner * 4:07 One Solution: Something that leads to relief * 5:2...

“Change doesn’t happen until it gets painful enough.” Is this true, and if so, what does it look like? That’s what we cover with author and coach Matt Fray. TIMESTAMPS 0:00 Intro 0:11 Will it take divorce before he ‘gets it’? 2:02 What gets through to guys * 4:20 It doesn’t take more pain when these things happen 7:46 One Solution: One way for guys to learn vulnerability 9:34 One Solution: How to...

Matthew Fray tells what it all comes down to in marriage… and how he felt right after his divorce. Also find out when he would tell a person, “Fine, then don’t be married.” TIMESTAMPS 0:00 Intro / The crux of it all in marriage * 2:45 What defined Matt’s emotions? / Who is most responsible? 3:59 “7 out of 10 marriages end” * 6:19 What ruined Matt’s last day of work 8:29 Jay commends Matt for this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfdAB7hjhME This episode covers a little about Matt’s divorce and his two main focal points in marriage. 0:00 Intro 0:07 Solutions: The two main things Matt works on with his clients * 1:58 Jay’s story / Lori’s story 8:37 Jay and Lori’s mentoring program 10:33 Matt’s story 12:31 What Matt was adamant about regarding marriage * 13:24 “What’s her problem?” 14:32 In th...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBQbaIgrd9I Meet Matt Fray, Author of “This is How Your Marriage Ends” and hear how he says he ‘forced’ his wife to walk away from the marriage. 0:00 Intro 0:28 Matt’s new book: This is How Your Marriage Ends 1:06 Format of these videos 1:44 How we met 2:57 How Matt became a coach 5:52 Matt’s coaching program / Differences in who we coach * 7:16 How Matt started blo...

  Whether you're married, divorced, single or separated, there are effective solutions that can help you heal and can help you have better relationships.   This video previews what to expect in the coming weeks and explains how you can find those solutions.   The second half of the video explains how "Raging at the Addiction" can actually help you heal more quickly.  (Clicking on the timestamps be...

Addicts have to avoid these major pitfalls if they're going to recover from their addictions… and if they're going to rebuilt trust. This episode also covers signs to look for in order to know if the addict is serious about recovery. Episode Summary: -Some groups allow masturbation -Co-ed groups -Knowing what serious recovery looks like -Applying 12 Step principles to trauma can do more damage 0:0...

Addicts have to avoid these common pitfalls if they're going to recover from their addictions… and if they're not going to make things worse in the relationship. Episode Summary: -Signs of impending relapse -Sponsorship and Accountability Partnership -Avoiding becoming a dry drunk -The "24-Hour Reprieve" 0:00 Intro 1:02 Pitfall One: Relapse (not knowing the signs of it)*** 2:39 Pitfall Two: Confus...

If God is good, how can He allow things like addiction, betrayal, lies and abuse? In this episode we cover that difficult topic. While we address the ancient saying, "fill up the sufferings of Christ," we also add a caveat for partners who've been lied to and mistreated. Episode Summary: -How can a loving God allow certain things? -Filling up the sufferings of Christ -How betrayed spouses can know...

The full version of the Serenity Prayer isn't well known, yet if addict's adhered to, it can bring them happiness—a happiness that can replace the pleasure betrayal and lies bring. This episode covers that, while difficult, courageous surrender is the quickest way to joy. Episode Summary: -The rest of the original Serenity Prayer -Addicts may not be good at a certain part of this -Balancing accept...

Most people have heard the first three lines of the Serenity Prayer, but it's usually the popular version. The original version is much richer. And its main tenants are essential for recovery from porn and sex addiction, and especially lies. This episode covers the first three lines of that Prayer. (The next episode will cover the rest.) Episode Summary: -Being 'strong and courageous' -When the ad...

Many recovering addicts create more pain by using this Step to abandon their wives. This episode covers what addicts can do instead, especially if he's betrayed her, lied to her, or used abusive tactics with her. Episode Summary: -Step 12 of the 12-Steps -Are we really powerless to change others' behavior? (One of the most difficult things for addicts to accept.) -How addicts can change their thin...

It's one thing to lay down an addiction, but it needs to be replaced with something more life-giving. This episode is about taking your sobriety further on a daily basis through relationship with God/your Higher Power. We offer practical ways to accomplish this, as well as cautions for rebuilding trust after betrayal, lies and abuse. Episode Summary: -Step 11 of the 12-Steps (Increasing your consc...

We all mess up, but after betrayal trauma and lies, but if an addict wants to rebuild trust, they have to be prompt about making things right. This episode covers a few techniques to make this an easier process. It also covers how Lori knows Jay's character changed. Episode Summary: -Step 10 of the 12-Steps -How to avoid the slippery slope -One way to rewire the addicted brain Timestamps: 0:00 Int...

Episode Summary: -Step 9 of the 12-Steps -How to handle the exception written in the step -The most sincere form of an apology -Excuses people make to not do this step Timestamps: 0:00 Intro to Step 9 (making direct amends) 1:28 The exception explained 2:43 One caution when you feel free afterward / Disclosure specifics

Whether it's through betrayal, trauma, abuse or lying, addictions can cause a lot of harm. In this episode, Jay and Lori cover the first step to making it right, as well as what to do if you're not ready to. Episode Summary: -Step 8 of the 12-Steps -The first steps in making amends -Cautions if you're not ready to make things right -God can change our "want to's" Timestamps: 0:00 Intro and explana...

It'd be great if God just took the desire for our addicts away, but we rarely see that in our line of work. This episode covers what to do instead, as well as special things to consider after lying and betrayal. In this episode we cover: -Step 7 of the 12-Steps -What true humility looks like -God doesn't just take it away Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 1:38 If you have to ask about it then… / The middle p...

Porn addiction, betrayal and lies can wreck a couple. An addict has to be ready to release his old coping mechanisms. Jay and Lori also cover their experience with addiction and fear, as well as what surrender looks like. They also address the difference between Savior and Boss. Timestamps: 0:00 Intro & Step 6 (Preparing for this…) 1:55 "Being entirely ready" means getting rid of 'tools' that help...

https://youtu.be/AVX0smOj4-g Watch video on YouTube here: This Step is about addicts not lying to themselves anymore—and not hiding the truth about themselves—anymore. It's about getting real, and why. In this episode we cover: -Step 5 of the 12-Steps -How there are different layers to addiction and lust -What else needs to be faced regarding lust if an addict is to get free Timestamps: 0:00 Intro...

Withholding information (also known as lying) is common, especially with porn and sex addicion. That's why this step is crucial to healing, both for the addict, and for the one who's been lied to and sexually betrayed. In this episode we cover: -Step 4 of the 12-Steps -A searching and fearless moral inventory -The more you write out, the more freedom you will experience Timestamps: 0:00 Intro to S...

Hello Our latest video is down below, but as an FYI… We will be on a live Q&A tonight as part of a summit sharing tips on managing emotions, disclosure, separation, reconciliation and beyond in an online summit called Renew. The Q&A is happening at 7pm Eastern tonight (May 12), and we hope you can be there. Also, our individual interviews air at these times: Lori's goes live on Saturday, May 15th...

This episode covers: Step 2 of the 12 Steps / Believing in a Power greater than ourselves / The root of the problem. Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 1:09 Pornographically addicted 1:32 Step 2 - Restore me to sanity 1:59 Jay gets self-righteous 2:53 Hurt in the name of

Here's our latest episode, which covers: -Step 1 of the 12 Steps -How it reflects the steps toward God -What Jay and Lori see in their clients Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 0:34 What this season is based on 2:04 Step 1's key phrases 2:27 What Jay sees with the guys he works with 3:02 A different perspective on our powerlessness 3:57 The difficulty Jay had with this step 5:35 How some addicts deal with th...

Here's our latest episode, which covers: -What happened to Jay and Lori in 2020, including run-ins with the IRS -A behind-the-scenes look at how they celebrated their 25th Anniversary Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 0:22 Preview of Season 3, and Jay's history with it 1:37 What Lori will be covering/cautioning in Season 3 2:18 For those who've been through betrayal trauma (look for the "S") 2:59 Where were...