Coffee with The Couple Cure

What does real intimacy feel like after betrayal, addiction, and years of rebuilding trust? In this episode, we open up about how Jay’s ability to connect has changed over time — from fake vulnerability and performance to HONEST EMOTIONS and simple, humble presence. Jay shares how he used to seek physical intimacy to avoid emotions, and how healing has redefined what closeness feels like. We talk...

‘I thought intimacy was just sex—until I started recovering from porn addiction.’ In this video, Jay shares how ONE POWERFUL TOOL helped him heal our relationship, create real intimacy, and start feeling connected in a way he ‘didn’t think was possible’ when healing from his porn addiction. We also bring up a caution or two, providing guidance on how to implement this tool depending on where you a...

In this episode of the Couple Cure Podcast, we dive into the complexities of intimacy (OUTSIDE the bedroom) when Jay was in active addiction, the challenges of seeking validation, and the impact of hidden lives on self-worth. Through personal stories, we discuss the hardships faced due to perceived inadequacies, and how addiction can distort the perception of love and intimacy. We also set the sta...

Jay confesses something he’s never told anyone before: One way he lied to keep his addiction hidden. (Hint: it’s one thing some addicts do to keep their secrets.) He’s also asked if he thinks that tactic would have passed a polygraph. We also share a few techniques that might help in this situation. And stay until the end to see us in a real-life moment. Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 0:31 What is one lyi...

In this episode, I ask Jay if he will answer some difficult question this season—questions like: --What are some tactics he used to get away with lying for so long? --How did he pretend to change--without really changing? --Was there a time he almost told the truth, but continued lying instead? --What emotions was he avoiding? --How did he feel when his accountability partners let him off the hook...

In this, our last episode of Season 5, we address six ways to help you find out if you’ve been given the full truth / signs he might still be lying. We also cover what pressure can do to some addicts. (A big THANK YOU to everyone who submitted questions for this season. Thank you, especially, for allowing us to be a small part of your healing journey.) Timestamps: 0:00 Intro and Viewer Question 1:...

In this episode of The Couple Cure, Jay tackles the question: 'How serious do I need to be about my recovery?' Using his own history and insights, he discusses the inevitable challenges and pushbacks you will face when you commit to a change, especially in the context of addiction or betrayal recovery. He emphasizes the importance of STARTING IMMEDIATELY, and understanding that obstacles will alwa...

Summary: Rebuilding Trust through Tangible Evidence of Change after Lies In this episode, we respond to a wife’s question about the importance of seeing tangible evidence in her husband's growth process. We discuss the importance of PROACTIVE steps in behavior change, and share our own personal story after Jay had lied over 1000 times. The episode explores various ways to rebuild trust, like takin...

In this episode, recorded on New Year's Eve, we discuss the importance of having a solid plan to ensure your new year is better than the last. We delve into specific steps for making effective New Year's resolutions and highlight the significance of focus and new behaviors in achieving different outcomes. The episode offers guidance for addicts and their partners on formulating plans that go beyon...

In this episode, we explore how addicts truly change by focusing on the impact of experiencing true pain and loss. Divided into two parts—one for non-Christians and the other for Christians—we discuss the significance of giving up power, inspired by scripture, to become truly healed and dependent on God. With references to personal anecdotes, men’s magazines, 12-step programs, and the idea of reno...

***Trigger Warning for Alcoholics in Recovery*** In this episode, Jay addresses a common question addicts may have, along the lines of, “Will I have to pay for this forever?” He answers with the truth: After trust is broken by betrayal, it depends on how well the addict owns his part in her pain… and tries to aid in her recovery. 0:00 Introduction 0:21 Other forms of this question and initial answ...

In this episode, we address a difficult question from a viewer about a lack of physical touch in her marriage, even while undergoing chemotherapy. We delve into the possible reasons behind her husband's behavior, including possible emotional retaliation or unresolved trauma. There is also compassionate advice on how to explore personal needs and desires, and questions to ask as you seek the right...

If you have ever been called a Drama Queen, this episode may help heal the sting of that label. But first, Jay and Lori tackle the issue of being flooded with bad memories right as you get close to forgiving him—even if your relationship has healed the broken trust. TIMESTAMPS 0:00 Intro & Question 0:52 Forgiving unrepentance? 1:41 Guys, if someone is against you… 2:35 Solution: Do these things pr...

***Trigger Warning: Given the sensitive nature of this topic, please proceed cautiously.*** Jay and Lori tackle the struggle of not feeling physically desired by the husband. They explore the intricate dynamics of femininity, desire, and physical appearance within a marriage. The discussion delves into misconceptions about desire versus lust. Lori shares her personal journey of reclaiming her own...

Description In this short video, we discuss the issue of anger and withdrawal/retraction, and we’ll cover what it looks like as the addicts we work with recover and learn new skills. At the end, we’ll also give *one of the signs that the recovery is real* for you to look for. Timestamps 0:00 Intro and Question 0:22 They are two different issues (the bigger monster) 1:31 Anger is one of the first t...

In this episode, we discuss why you might feel the need to bring up past betrayals even years later. We explore what it means if you can’t stop talking about it. Plus, we offer advice for the guys on how to have these difficult conversations, and give you alternative options if your partner doesn’t want to talk about it. 00:00 Introduction 00:16 It’s a sign 03:23 When guys say, “But you forgave me...

(*Trigger Warning for the Final Section*) This heartfelt and candid video delves into a sensitive topic that some women struggle with: “Why do some husbands choose recovery while others do not. Is that about the wife… is that about me?” Prompted by a deeply vulnerable question from my client, MB, I explore various factors that might influence a man's decision to commit to recovery—coping mechanism...

Jay and Lori talk about the typical time it takes for an addict to readjust sources of dopamine, as well as why it can take longer… or shorter. Timestamps 0:00 Intro & Question 0:18 What the experts say 0:36 Solution: What helps it end overnight 1:13 When you should go longer -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for...

In this short video, we answer to the question, “Do all strugglers relapse” as well as the top two things partners can do if the addict keeps relapsing. We’ll also share one of the first things addicts have to do in order to overcome porn. Timestamps 0:00 Introduction and first question 0:21 The first thing a guy has to do to quit porn 0:37 Top 2 things a partner can do (and do they work?) 1:24 Ar...

Join Jay and Lori Pyatt from The Couple Cure as they tackle two questions about screen addiction and boundaries for devices. In this short video, they discuss image addictions, strategies for effective accountability, and appropriate boundaries—including boundaries Jay holds himself to—as well as practical advice to help you navigate this challenging issue. Tune in to learn more about creating a b...

Struggling with tips that don’t help you HEAL? Maybe God has a unique plan for you, one that is key for long-lasting and UNBREAKABLE FREEDOM and JOY. Learn why your journey is different… and why that’s to your greatest ADVANTAGE. Watch to reveal this EXTRA-ordinary path. Timestamps: 0:00 Welcome! Let’s get moving… 0:47 Solution: A proven strategy for Trauma Healing 0:59 Exploring the backstory (fu...

This video offers a compassionate and practical approach to navigating an addicts relapse and lack of remorse, providing you with ways to foster healthier relationships. Join in and discover what JV does to find strength and resilience in the face of adversity. Timestamps: 0:00 Intro & Question 1:33 Main Answer Explained 2:55 First steps 3:25 When intuition suggests success 4:10 Rejecting this......

If someone in your life says THEY CAN’T HELP HOW THEY ACT in relationship because of what happened to them in the past, we cover one way to tell, and offer a few solutions. Note: while this video is in response to someone’s question about their husband [after a CSAT said ‘disclosure would be a waste of time,’] the concepts can be used in your other relationships as well. Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 0:0...

Ever wonder if your relationship has (or if your relationships have) healed from the trauma you’ve experienced? *Note that, while this video mainly talks about marital relationships, the concepts APPLY TO YOUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS as well. If a well-meaning but uninformed friend, family member, counselor or church didn’t understand what you were going through, we'll share some signs to know it migh...

***Disclaimer: You may have signs of healing that are not on this list. This list is not definitive; it’s just what we have seen in our work with betrayed partners of porn addicts / sex addicts.*** Ever wonder if you’ll know when you’ve healed from the trauma you’ve experienced? This video covers many signs Lori noticed in her own life, and that our clients exhibit as they recover as well. Timesta...