Coffee And Memes

The apocalypse called, i answered. How fast is a cow? Faster than it looks, no doubt, but how fast does it look? 

Sweet Johnny is for for a romp through the actually state of the retirement home tear up that is the US election. The UK are stocking up on body bags in prep for the apocalypse and maybe TC was to blame all along!

The Hove Thicc Boi is called out for illicit muffin use. Man eats 38 big macs in a row and looks like he is going to die. Anti-PC bus company will crush your ego.

The Sweet One is in for a 2 hour spesh on all your favourite Coronavirus based news stories. We also tackle the issue of why so many spokespeople are so wriggly. 

Todays show is cohosted by a donut that make people have speculated is not real as i chose not to eat it live on air. It never ceases to amaze me the depths the DNBIC will stoop to to try and bring their rivals down.

There is no need to mention or question the levels of duck grease on the stairs at the Wetherspoons. Please just go about your business.

Complete riot of a show. Posij is on the phone to give information about the Clintons and Epstein. Kenny Ken b2b Kenny Ken is announced at MADE Festival and Grooveride Pirate memes reduce me to a mess on the floor.

I accidentally invent this seasons coolest new sex toy while a bunch of nerds on a forum debate thermodynamics in the context of how much ice you can put up your arse.

Far and away the best episode of Coffee and Memes ever. Si Twiddy is stuck on a roof, live on air, with increasingly hilarious consequences.  

Developments at Costa yield mixed results. A Ham toastie threatens to bring down the monarchy and Mr Chicken gets pied at Nandos. 

2 Bags for trainers covered in jizz? Not bad for a days work. Prince Andrew is back on his bullshit and the 2-bit nature of Threshold is ever apparent.

The Sweet One is back from quarantine and ready to tackle the high pressure sewerage pipe that is The Metro. Fat Kimmy is having more people offed in NK, A South African is imprisoned in a Milton Keynes Travel Lodge and someone has taped a chicken to an Australia train ticket machine.

There comes a day in every young hipsters life where the blood will pour through the ceiling and onto their Lana Del Ray album. That's how they know they are truly hip.

Once again we are drawn to violence in a Toby Carvery and this time we get a glimpse as to the financial and legal cost of being convicted of 'knuckling up in a Carvery'. 

Christian Conservative from the US is very concerned about keeping the devil out of his botty that he is prepared to put anything else up there as a deterrent. 

What if the Lobos where on Channel 4's Who Dares Wins? Would any of the make it more than a few hours? How many beans can Ant Middleton do?

With an almost infinite number of options, why must so often things be done in the jokes way? Also, people that get punched in the head for a living offer hot takes on medicine

81 year old woman describes in details how things slinging that toy boy Egyptian dick to horrified This Morning audience and confirms 100% he is not after her cash!

Old geeza would like to confirm that he is not dead. Old lady would like to confirm that dildo not hers. Paul Chuckle also not dead.

Sonos go rogue and demand all the customers pay for their wireless speakers to get boob jobs for lols. Petrol stations are sexist and Joe Exotic gets a big old bit of bird.

Why does the old woman who lives in a shoe beat her kids? Should she really be allowed to have so many? Should there be rules against this sort of thing?

Best Jump Up Label is won by a group of criminal delinquents who met at court and got kicked out for being too drunk. And god bless them.  

A man has food from the future that has come from the future and is food, food from the future. Future food, if you like. 

What will be 2020's hottest trends in sexual wellness? What should you vag smell like? All these important questions and more, answered today on Cofeveve and Meemees.

Tales from the post-apocalyptic area of Hove which apparently i now live in. Man may or may not have taken boner pills made for bulls. Where does uncle Charlie get his folding money?