Close the Door: Game of Thrones, A Song of Ice and Fire Podcast

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. It’s time for King’s Landing Cribs Edition, where the magic doesn’t happen. Are you a gasoline kinda gal or do you prefer manure? All we know is we’re not into the smell of rotting flesh. Jaime trusts Loras will fall in love with Brienne if he just spends a few minutes alone with her. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords - Jaime VIII - or...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. It's the trial of the young century and with Cersei McBeal in charge, things don't look good for Tyrion. We get another sweet, fleeting taste of the sexy Oberyn Martell, but inquiring minds want to know - did Oberyn get a taste of Cersei? GRRM is the Jaime and Brienne fanfic author of our dreams and we want more. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords - Tyr...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Join us as Arya takes a tour through every stage of grief and evidences some abandonment issues and we realize this episode should be sponsored by a therapy service. Tyrion's buddies are thriving and we realize that in another universe, Sandor has a future as a camp counselor for damaged children. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords - Ar...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Things are bleak at the Wall, but Donal Noye, total badass that he is, and Jon are on it even if he is only 16. If we were looking at the HR roster for the Watch, he'd be our pick for command t Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords - Jon VIII.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 514

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Davos may not have all his fingertips, but he's sure got balls. Robert's kids are awesome and we'll definitely miss the Davos/Stannis/Melisandre not-so-fun-times chapters. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords - Davos VI.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 513

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Jaime’s homecoming sucks. Cersei gives, but we must ask. Sure Jaime’s a deadbeat dad, but Joff really was a dick. And Jaime might be good at bluffing, but Tywin always wins the staring contests. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords - Jaime VII (repost). Originally recorded in 2019.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 512

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Sansa turns from porcelain, to ivory, to steel, but finds herself fleeing from one terrible situation to another. Littlefinger's plots make almost as much sense as his ways of wooing women. We mourn the lack of SanSan in the show, and wonder if Sansa will ever get to actually kiss a half decent man. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords - Sansa V (repost)....

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. It’s a nice day for a Purple Wedding. Olenna’s giving Sansa some serial killer hairnet realness. Joffrey stars in his first and last “I’m on a horse!” Old Spice commercial. GRRM might be the original wordy food blogger, so you can just shove some pigeon pie down your cake hole for the very bestest chapter ever. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords Tyrion...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. It's time for Joffrey's wedding breakfast, but where are the Bloody Marys and cheesy hashbrowns, George? Who needs fantasy football when you can have fantasy Kingsguards? Did Robert have a subscription to Melees Monthly? Tyrion is...problematic and no matter what tidbits GRRM give us, we're just not here for your Targ BS. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swo...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Turns out not everyone is that into dragon sex dungeons. If you need staff who can keep their mouth shut, Brella's your girl. Tyrion talks himself out of loving a whore. Again. Like Shae we aim high by going low. Are the Brave Companions the real J/B shippers? Hooray for Occasional Gents x 2! A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords - Tyrion VII (repost). Ori...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Dany's crew is at their peak as they take on Meereen and each other's treachery. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords - Daenerys V.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 507

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. This chapter's got lore galore, a POV character meet-up, Meera being awesome and the plot moving forward. More of this, please! Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords - Bran IV.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 506

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We all love what George does with his Dicks. Is Mance the first person in a thousand years to think about attacking Castle Black from the rear? Could Jon and Ygritte have had it all? Or at least something? Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords - Jon VII.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 505

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Davos is the guy we all want on our small council, especially in the chapter where he's the only one in the room trying to talk his king out of sacrificing a kid. Is it Pie-los? Pee-los? Jim? Who can say? However you pronounce it, he's smart enough in his choice of teaching material. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords - Davos V.   Close...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Joffrey doesn’t know when to just take a win, but Tyrion knows when to pull out the Michael Jackson popcorn gif. Cersei had one job! We decide we prefer a Benadryl timeout. And we learn that Elia was an afterthought because Tywin is the real monster here. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords Tyrion VI (repost). Originally recorded in 2018.   Close The Doo...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. The short, bleak, unhappy chapter in which everything hurts and we torture ourselves wondering if it could have ended any better. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords - Arya XI.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 502

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Lord Walder Frey and The Chinless Collective cordially invite you to the Red Wedding (the red is for love!). The music is crap (you try playing the lute while sitting on a crossbow) and the food is worse, but at least the reception isn't boring. Sob! A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords Catelyn VII (repost). Originally recorded in 2017.   Close The Door A...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Settle in for Walder Frey's totally not ominous disjointed musicians. Sandor fools old tourney foes while Arya looks for friendly banners. Which POV are we missing at the Red Wedding? Roose? Edmure? Robb? George likes to slow things down when bad things are happening, a trick we'll remember if he ever publishes The Winds of Winter. Game of Thrones. A Song of I...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. It’s still raining. We’re not sure how Walder Frey keeps finding wives, but we’re glad he never met Selwyn Tarth. Cat’s got bread, salt, and hip size on the brain. Roose may be an immortal Mike Pence, but at least he’s proud of Ramsay. We wonder if Jaime was Brienne’s chaperone. And everybody needs to listen to their dogs. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Sw...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Jon makes his way back to Castle Black passing through Molestown and its one-room brothel. Is Maester Aemon Daredevil or is the First Aid setup at the Wall deficient? Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords - Jon VI.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 498

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Arya and Sandor are on their own little road trip. Sandor is the third-grade teacher you know better than to mess around with. He has Arya's number and is prepared to wrap her up like a burrito if she doesn't behave, but in a weird way these two relate. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords - Arya IX.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episo...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Sam's chapters continue to be just an exquisite horror story, so, of course, we feel especially bad for the animals. Speaking of animals, what's up with those ravens? Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords - Samwell III.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 496

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. It’s still raining. The party of the damned is on their last road trip and everything hurts. Catelyn wants Robb to name Ser Random from the Vale as his heir, but he’s not having any of it. We’re positive there’s a will, but does it really matter? How did we miss what was gonna go down the first time we read this? There is good news, though! Tina (cutiepillar-b...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We have gathered here together to pray at the Church of Holy Weirwood Dreams. Ctrl F or GTFO. In one of ASoIaF's most epic chapters we've got bears, maidens, Bloodraven and some of the most swoonworthy lines in the series. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords Jaime VI (repost). Originally recorded in 2019.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 494

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Before we sadly say goodbye to the "good" BwB, Arya gets some hot gossip about her dad and Gendry gets a little green when it comes to Ned Dayne. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords - Arya VIII.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 493