Close the Door: Game of Thrones, A Song of Ice and Fire Podcast

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Sometimes you look up and you see a Duck. Is sad sack Illyrio someone's daddy? We all want to forget the mummified hands. Tyrion's teenage undercover sewer training for warfare might come in handy. We're all taking Jon Connington seriously. Jon Connington is spectacularly unacquainted with Daenerys Targaryen. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Tyri...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. In the first of "Our Favorite Chapters" series, we explore the vaguely heroic patina of the Night's Watch, the sweetness of rancid butter and the nod that launched a thousand ships. Join us for kill the boying, baby switching, and block fetching, with an added bonus of diet Jaime himself: Ser Hyle Hunt. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Jon II (re...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Quentyn’s having a rough journey through Dance, and so are we tbqh. Dany's living in the worst episode of The Bachelor and she doesn't even know it. Never trust anyone who sets up a recruiting table. We struggle with the decades old question of what actual purpose Quentyn's chapters serve in the overall story of ASoIaF and our answer is: shrug emoji. A Song of...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. It's yet another hellish road trip, this time with Tyrion and Illyrio. Illyrio proves he is the king of "yes, and?" when it comes to grossness. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Tyrion II. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 589

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Bran and co. are on their way to meet the three-eyed crow in what sounds like The Donner Party, Westerosi style. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Bran I. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 588

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Jon's alarm clock works a little too well. How does the Stark sibling/direwolf sibling network work anyway? We don't endorse it but we kind of get why people ship Jon and Stannis. Does Mel want Jon to get shanked? A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Jon I. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 587

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Proposing with shoes that don’t fit is certainly a choice. Sixth time is not the charm for Hizdahr. We’re just surprised Dany isn’t dropkicking some of these people. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Daenerys I. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 586

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We swore we’d never do this but we did. When your boat trip turns into a self-medicating nightmare. Is this Viserys’s room? Let’s set off everybody’s claustrophobia. Don’t eat the mushrooms, bro. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Tyrion I. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 585

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. This is another Listener’s Choice episode. Clearly you all hate us, because you chose the Prologue from A Dance with Dragons a.k.a. the horror story of Varamyr Sixskins. Join us as we dive into the head of serial baby-eater Varamyr while contemplating our own poor life choices. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance With Dragons - Prologue - Varamyr Sixskins (repost)...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. While we're confident that Dunk is indeed a lunk and a hunk, we're praying that Egg is the perfect little sh*t. And, most importantly, who gets to wear the one Targaryen wig? The One True Wig (OTW?) A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms TV Series - Amuse-bouche. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 583

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Where does Feast rank among ASoIaF novels? We may never come around on the Greyjoys, but it's always wonderful to see the real Arya. And, some good news on the illustrated edition? A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Retrospective. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 582

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. While Marwyn chases down the Cinnamon Wind like a cruise ship passenger coming back late from an excursion, Sam furthers both his growth and his connections to like, everyone and everywhere. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Samwell V. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 581

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. It's been multiple years and some of us still have no idea what our social media handles are. Tywin Lannister: not a detail-oriented guy or just uncaring about certain details? We all sincerely hope that Sybell Spicer gets a POV chapter in Winds. Also, we speculate far more about Ilyn Payne than we ever thought possible. A Feast for Crows is the cherry on Jaim...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Tommen fishes for cats while Cersei gives awkward hugs. Taena is RSVPing "No" to the playdate from hell, while we would all gladly attend the Kettleblack Bowl. Margaery is going to get scurvy (actually rickets), but Cersei is finally going to get what's coming to her. Septas beware! A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Cersei X (repost). Originally reco...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Sometimes a missing tongue is just a missing tongue. Most of us like dogs, but tune in to find out who doesn't. Catelyn has left the building. Pod's been hanging for 14 f**king years and we're done with it. What did the Russian translator know and when did they know it? A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Brienne VIII (repost). Originally recorded in 2...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Alayne's got the Eyrie under control, poor Sweetrobin included. Lothar x Mya 5Eva and Sansa x Littlefinger NEVA! Myranda Royce is angling for her next husband and everyone in the Vale is probably already looking forward to next spring's big thawed oxen feast. Join us as we head back down the mountain in another of our favorite chapters. A Song of Ice and Fire....

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Arianne's metaphorical guitar smash has got her into prison. Or is it a 5-star spa? In any case our princess learns some home truths from her retconning dad. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - The Princess in the Tower (Arianne II). Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 576

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. The Devil Wears Donyse, but Cersei's sanity is wearing thin. Our favorite crazy Queen is not a "disciplined thinker", but she would have gotten away with if it wasn't for those meddling kids. Or those dim Kettleblacks. We're all in for Taena '16 and looking forward to that hot Cersburn bath scene in The Winds of Winter. George, pls. A Song of Ice and Fire. A F...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. The Blackfish may be a badass, but if you're maid #4 in the Tully's kitchen, Edmure is the Lord you want. It's time to go beyond the trebuchet and launch ourselves into a discussion of how Jaime's here to clean up Tywin's mess. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Jaime VI (repost). Originally recorded in 2019. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 574

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Welcome to the Inn of the Lord of the Flies. Brienne is a goddamn hero. Hyle may be a dog, but he's an honest dog. Where's our Son of Nedbert fic? We need something to take our minds off of this heartwrenching chapter. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Brienne VII (repost). Originally recorded in 2019. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 573

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Never wake a sleeping Maggy. It's valonqar this and younger, more beautiful, that, as we go all in on that &%#^ prophecy. Cersei finds her Brienne. Feel the Cersburn! A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Cersei VIII (repost). Originally recorded in 2016. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 572

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We've come to that climatic moment in the series where we conclude that fat is not a bad thing, but that Sam is bad at the morning after and George is bad at sex scenes. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Samwell IV. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 571

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. While GRRM can't seem to decide if there's magic in the world or no magic, we wonder if Arya is in there somewhere as she sees murals of Braavosi go go dancers and plays two truths and a lie. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Cat of the Canals (Arya III). Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 570

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Daven is here for the ride with his hockey beard. Genna has everybody's number. And Papa Tywin made some really questionable deals. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Brienne IV (repost). Originally recorded in 2019. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 569

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Behold the dogs of war! We contemplate a 19-year-old Jaime, while Cersei contemplates the Arbor wine supply and not-so-fondly recalls nameday sex with Robert. Myrish Swamp? Sounds like you need a shower. And what the heck is Qyburn doing down in the dungeon? Human centipede anyone? Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Cersei VII (repost...