Close the Door: Game of Thrones, A Song of Ice and Fire Podcast

Spoilers, profanity. Welcome to the house of Hopium, our words are: it's only six episodes! Are they trying to get into the Emmys comedy category with the half-hour episodes? If so, we approve. Clotho makes the mistake of reading Reddit complaints. Does George always fall out of love with his showrunners? AKotS. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - Season 1 Preview. Close The D...

Spoilers, profanity. Dunk tackles the moral complexity of people who fought for the Blackfyres as we tackle the modern political parallels. Is Egg secretly a Giants fan yelling at the quarterback? Brienne was genetically predisposed to fight someone in a stream. Never leave Ser Bennis at your house if you’re not there. AKotS. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - The Sworn Sword...

Spoilers, profanity. Our hedge knight doesn’t know how old he is, but he knows he’s still growing. Surprise, surprise we see Jaime x Brienne parallels everywhere. Please enjoy our ten minute tangent as we try to figure out what on earth happened during the Blackfyre Rebellions and probably fail. AKotS. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - The Sworn Sword - Part II (re-reread)....

Spoilers, profanity. Agricultural water rights remain Chicky’s line in the sand. Dunk is actually pretty bright, despite what he thinks. We will fully admit that keeping Targs straight is not our strong suit. AKotS. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - The Sworn Sword - Part I (re-reread). Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 614

Spoilers, profanity. More like Baelor Breakhearts, amiright? The tourney at Ashford Meadow will live in infamy, while Dunk just hopes to live in obscurity. Not likely, our wonderful and gallant dude. AKotS. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - The Hedge Knight - Part III (re-reread). Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 613

Spoilers, profanity. Egg really does know every knight. Dunk isn't as dumb as he thinks he is. The Fossoways are like half good, while Aerion Brightflame completely sucks, but his name is literal fire. AKotS. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - The Hedge Knight - Part II (re-reread). Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 612

Spoilers, profanity. Dunk is both a lunk and a hunk, but also the 5-star recruit every Lord should be dreaming of, except Daeron. He's got his own stuff to deal with. The Ashford tourney is like the Olympics, and Dunk's got the sob story worthy of a gold medal. Join as as we dive back into Dunk and Egg and their excellent adventures across Westeros in anticipation of HBO's upcoming series A Knight...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We barely got to know all the guys in Quentyn Martell's merry band and now we have to relearn everybody's name? It's hard not to get angry on Quentyn's behalf as we wonder what all of this agony is for as Astapor haunts our boy. Doran's revenge fantasy can't be worth this. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - The Windblown. Close The Door And Come He...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We hop in Jon Connington's head after Tyrion's "escape." The Golden Company isn't what it used to be. Okay, but what would Joe Westerosi think? JonCon meets the theatre kid barge in the bad part of town. The weird things is we think these guys are gonna win for a while. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - The Lost Lord. Close The Door And Come Here...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. None of us want the Green Grace as a dinner guest, even if she has some potentially good advice. Dany wants to marry Daario but she's talking prenups with Hizdahr instead. Maybe a long distance relationship would be best. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Daenerys IV. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 608

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Jon's communication style has created a rancid corporate culture at the Night's Watch. Angry weirwood CCTV seems like a good idea. Bowen Marsh's performance review is just twenty minutes of us asking him why he's so bad at seeing the bigger picture. Apple or onion? You be the judge. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Jon V. Close The Door And Come...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Theon is a broken man, but he’s trying to come out. Every time we think Ramsay can't get any worse, he says "hold my beer." Is Roose a vampire? Comma says no. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Reek II. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 605

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. George is at his most heavy handed when he tells us this place is called the Sorrows, but he really does set a mood. Tyrion is homesick for Jaime and we’re as sad about it as he is. This is the worst Pirates of the Caribbean ride ever, and none of us buy that it ends with Tyrion dying. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Tyrion V. Close The Door And...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We're all lined up for dinner at White Harbor's very own Red Lobster (we hear the biscuits are great). Does Davos wear a WWSD bracelet? Wylla Manderly is the best, but the entire Merman Court deserves an Oscar. Can anyone give us the Bullet Points of Fire & Blood? #NotAllJareds Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Davos III (repo...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Hoarfrost doesn’t sound tasty, and neither does running out of rations. We’re hyper-focused on Rattleshirt’s new bling. Jon and Stannis: our favorite comedy duo. We want to send Jon to management school, and so does Bowen Marsh. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Jon IV. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 602

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Xaro Xhoan Daxos and Dany sit down to enjoy a very adult form of entertainment. Does Dany know what she's doing? Would the people of Westeros weep with joy should she show up? Where is Pyat Pree anyhow? A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Daenerys III. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 601

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Listener's choice for our 600th episode. Jaime’s sixth chapter in A Storm of Swords really is your favorite's favorite chapter, and we’re podcasting about it for our third or possibly fiftieth time. Consult us for all your original soundtrack needs. Everyone loves the Princess Bride, but can we really picture Cary Elwes as Jaime? Can we still be crazy shippers...

Davos is in White Harbor at the diviest of dive bars, where the citizenry are talking about everything but Stannis. No one is getting any better with the endless speculation over Winds. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Davos II. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 599

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Join us as we sail with Tyrion down the turtle-infested river. Is Septa Lemore the friend we leer at along the way? Is Comma right about cyvasse being a viral sensation? Plus, all the turtle facts you can handle! A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Tyrion IV. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 598

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Bran chapters are magic. Literally. We love the lore, but damn is it getting dark in that cave. Literally and figuratively. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Bran II. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 597

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Reek may be hella smelly, but Theon is still shockingly strong. And, true to form, we feel bad for the mice? A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Reek I. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 596

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Dany just needs to go offline for awhile and stop reading the news. George may have written her chapters as an allegory of our endless mideast wars, but are they really more an allegory for why we don't have Winds yet? A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Daenerys II. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 595

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Jon is the new Davos. Have we ever thought about not burning everyone alive? This human sacrifice is only slightly more fun when we think it's Rattleshirt. Jon is definitely noticing Val, and Satin too. Lightbringer—quote, unquote. Jon and Stannis's relationship status is set to "it's complicated." We’re all so excited for never reading all the people burnings...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We’re learning all about wreckers over Davos’s bowl of tasty sisters soup. It’s fun to hear about Westerosi gossip with our favorite characters, we’re never tired of enjoying stories about Tywin’s death. So are squishers real? Dick Crabb would’ve loved this web fingered House Borrell situation. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Davos I. Close The...