Choosing to Stay After Infidelity and Betrayal

There's a dynamic underneath a lot of disconnected relationships that almost nobody names — and when it collapses, it can quietly erode intimacy. In this episode, I'm joined by Tyler Patrick, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and co-host of the Therapy Brothers podcast, to talk about masculine and feminine energy as a relational dynamic — what it is, how it gets out of balance, and wh...

One of the biggest obstacles to healing after betrayal isn't a lack of love — it's shame. When the person in recovery floods with shame, they lose the ability to truly listen, hold space, or take accountability. And without that, trust cannot rebuild. In this episode, Hali sits down with Jacob Fletcher, a Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist (CSAT), to talk about what real relational heali...

After betrayal, one of the most exhausting patterns couples hit is what I call the Groundhog Day of disclosure: the betrayed partner asking the same questions again and again, while the partner who caused the harm feels like nothing they say is ever enough. In this episode, we unpack what's actually happening underneath that loop — why the repeated question isn't an interrogation but a ner...

When a marriage is in crisis, the conversation almost always centers on the couple. But what about the children sitting in the middle of it? In this episode, certified family law specialist and founder of Bloom Family Law, Katie Padilla, joins us for an honest conversation about what kids actually experience when families fracture — and what parents can do to minimize the damage, whether they choo...

If you've been checking your partner's location for the fifth time in an hour - or waiting for your spouse to hand you a roadmap to your own recovery - this episode is for you. The parent-child dynamic is one of the most common and least talked about patterns that forms after betrayal. It makes complete sense that it develops. And staying in it will cost you both. Enjoyed This Episode? If...

What happens when ADHD and betrayal trauma collide in the same family? This episode is one of the most important conversations we've had on the podcast — and it's one that doesn't get talked about enough in the recovery space. Hali Roderick, CPC, ACC, sits down with two incredible therapists to unpack how ADHD shows up across every part of the betrayal trauma family system — from the person with p...

One of the most confusing parts of healing after betrayal is that couples can do “all the right things” and still feel emotionally disconnected. In this episode of Choosing to Stay After Infidelity and Betrayal , we explore why emotional connection after betrayal trauma can feel so complicated—even when healing is happening. We also share about our upcoming Rise & Renew Couples Retreat in Cost...

Have you ever wondered why you and your partner keep having the same painful conversations — even when you both want things to be different? The answer might be in what your body has decided about the relationship. In this episode, we're going deep into what happens at the nervous system level when a couple has been living inside a trauma loop for too long. Whether you are the betrayed partner...

What does it look like when a mother and daughter do the healing work together? In this special episode, I'm joined by my daughters to pull back the curtain on the Becoming Together Mother-Daughter Retreat, an intimate gathering just outside Sedona, Arizona, designed for moms and daughters who are both actively doing their personal growth work and ready to bring it into their relationship. We talk...

After infidelity or betrayal, even simple conversations can feel loaded, tense, or unsafe. You may feel like: You’re trying to connect… but it keeps going wrong Your partner misunderstands you Every conversation turns into conflict In this episode, we explore the concept of mistranslation after betrayal —how both partners can be reaching for connection but experiencing each other as a threat due t...

After betrayal, one of the most common questions couples ask is: “How do we know if we’re actually healing?” Are we moving forward… or just surviving? Is this real progress… or just a calm before another storm? Healing after infidelity or betrayal rarely arrives with certainty. It doesn’t usually feel dramatic, resolved, or even peaceful. Instead, healing often shows up in subtle shifts — more cap...

After betrayal, boundaries become one of the most talked about — and most misunderstood — parts of healing. Many couples find themselves stuck in painful cycles where boundaries meant to create safety instead lead to more conflict, defensiveness, and distance. In this episode, we explore the difference between boundaries that heal and boundaries that punish, and why that distinction matters for co...

Anger is one of the most misunderstood emotions in betrayal trauma — but still shapes every interaction, every conversation, and every attempt at repair. In this powerful conversation, I’m joined by Matt Wenger, LPC, CSAT, CCSP to unpack what anger actually is, what it’s protecting, and why nervous system regulation is the key to responding rather than reacting. Because anger isn’t the problem. It...

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Nima Rahmany to unpack the push-pull dynamic that so many couples experience after betrayal or relational trauma. He explains how our nervous system shifts between states like fight-or-flight, shutdown, and connection—and how real healing requires learning to regulate those states rather than just understanding the dynamics intellectually. Dr. Nima Rahmany is a...

After betrayal, many couples expect the hardest part to be the initial crisis. But what often comes next is something quieter—and just as real: healing fatigue. In this episode, we talk about what happens when the adrenaline wears off, the urgency fades, and both partners begin to feel emotionally and relationally exhausted. This episode offers validation, relational clarity, and practical ways fo...

After betrayal, one of the most painful questions couples face is: Do we stay… or do we leave? In this episode, we explore why that question feels so urgent after betrayal—and why clarity rarely comes through forcing a decision. This episode is for couples navigating the messy middle—where nothing is fully resolved yet, but healing is still possible. Staying is not a lifetime contract. Leaving is...

Today we’re talking about something that can feel counterintuitive when a relationship is in crisis: slowing down and focusing on individual healing first . So many couples rush to fix the relationship, but sometimes the path forward starts with healing me before healing us. I’m honored to be joined by Chance and Crystal, a couple who share their honest and powerful journey of how individual heali...

Why doesn’t an apology fix betrayal trauma? If you’ve experienced infidelity, pornography addiction, or relational betrayal, you may have heard the words “I’m sorry” over and over… and yet still feel unsafe, unsettled, or unable to move forward. In this episode, we explore a powerful truth: Apologies matter—but they don’t heal betrayal trauma on their own. Betrayal trauma isn’t just an emotional w...

Accountability is one of the most talked-about — and most misunderstood — parts of betrayal recovery. For many couples healing after infidelity or sexual betrayal, the word accountability can feel loaded with fear: punishment, humiliation, endless judgment, or never being able to move forward. But true accountability isn’t about being shamed. It’s about becoming trustworthy again. In this episode...

In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Eddie Capparucci , a licensed professional counselor and creator of the Inner Child Model™ , to explore how emotional regulation, childhood wounds, and nervous system healing play a powerful role in both addiction recovery and betrayal trauma. Dr. Capparucci has spent decades helping individuals and couples understand how unresolved emotional pain from childhood...

Betrayal trauma is often talked about as a couple’s crisis, but betrayal is never contained to the marriage alone. In this episode, Hali Roderick and her daughter Morgan Ellsworth explore the often-overlooked impact of parental betrayal on children and the entire family system. As professionals in the betrayal trauma field, and as a mother and daughter who have firsthand experience, they invite li...

Grief is one of the most misunderstood parts of betrayal recovery — especially for couples who are choosing to stay. In this episode, Hali Roderick explores how grief shows up differently for betrayed partners and betraying partners, why couples often feel out of sync in the healing process, and how the APSATS Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (MPTM) helps couples navigate grief in the post-tr...

Grief after betrayal is rarely talked about—especially when it comes to men. In this episode, we explore grief after betrayal for men, including men in recovery, men who have caused harm, and men who have betrayed themselves. While grief is often associated with sadness or loss through death, betrayal creates layers of invisible loss that many men carry without language—or permission—to acknowledg...

Today’s conversation sits at the intersection of trauma, recovery, and compassion for the body . Many listeners of Choosing to Stay are navigating betrayal trauma, addiction recovery—either their own or their partner’s—and ongoing nervous system overwhelm. In those seasons, nutrition can either feel like a powerful support… or like one more place we’re falling short. In this episode, I’m joined by...

After betrayal, many couples believe they’re struggling with communication—but what’s really happening is much deeper. Betrayal doesn’t just break trust; it rewires the nervous system, changing how safety is experienced inside the relationship. In this episode, we explore why conversations feel loaded after betrayal, why small behaviors can feel overwhelming, and how nervous system responses—like...