Caregivers In Crisis

I've been waiting, hoping for something significant and positive to occur before doing another episode, simply so that every post isn't just whining; however, nothing really positive has occurred, so an update.  Basically, every day is a wait. A wait to see if a scheduled sitter will arrive, be late, how late, or not at all. Will I get "the call" from the nursing home, that the room is available,...

A brief description of how much "waiting", is a part of caregiving.

There seems to be some positive movement towards getting both parents admitted to a local nursing home. It is the #2 option, at least from previous conversations with my mom, those times she seems amenable to her going to a nursing home (usually as part of an attempted guilt trip), or having dad go and her visit.  However option #2 for me is #1, as it's smaller, more personable, still has a good r...

The whole reason for hiring sitters is to assist in caregiving, and especially overnight, to keep their charges (your family members) safe, by being awake and alert to render immediate assistance should they need it, especially if one charge is a high fall risk, and very impulsive (meaning they just start getting up without asking for help), so that they do not fall. They need not, depending on th...

Much like severe and sudden stress or even oxygen deprivation, after a while, caregiving can lead to what I'm calling "Tunnel Vision", in that the combination of stress, sleep deprivation, depression, continual denial of even considering an activity or anything which is meaningful to you as an individual, can either just from brain fog, or a subconscious self preservation tactic of "if I don't thi...

The holidays don't exactly mean fun, family, relaxation, and celebration when you are a primary or full-time caregiver of one person, much less two. Often it means more work, more stress and less help. 

For non-caregivers, your "normal" day, is my fantasy. Normal people go to Disney, or Epcot, or Universal, or Hogwarts for a bit of magic or superhero fantasy before returning to the humdrum normalcy of just working on a small project, or leisurely shopping, trying a new restaurant, even just sitting, watching nature, and having a beer. But for us caregivers, especially the ones years in with no en...

For the most part, there has been no substantial change. Still trying to determine what documents the nursing home needs, and get those. I realize I'm doing it a bit of the hard way, and being a typical control freak in that I'm not just signing a blank "release of information" which they can write in any provider, lab, pharmacy, and ask for anything without me even knowing, but maybe I am a contr...

Basically, I've dropped off the applications at the nursing home, asking to be put on a waiting list, when two beds open up. Preferably in the same room, but not required at the beginning (definately something to work towards). In the meantime, Mom has another UTI and/or Upper Respiratory Infection, being treated. But she's rarely awake and requires two people working hard to transfer her from cha...

The last few days, the major battle in my head has been determining which thoughts and feelings are selfish, and which are self-preservation.

I had an initial consultation, via Zoom with Annalee Kruger, Author of "The Invisible Patient", and founder of Care Right Inc. In the absence of significant assistance from family, with the struggles and dearth of competent, consistent and affordable in home care, at the level required for my two parents, feeling like I have exhausted local assets, and weary of fighting everyone to get assistance...

It's one of those days where I am more or less numb, at least on the surface, because it feels like I can't allow any emotion to get near the surface, lest I lose control. It seems there are plenty of offers to talk; however, no offers to actually perform any actions that lead to true change. Talk can be helpful and valuable, but only if it eventually leads to action, which seems to be convenientl...

The SLUMS test was administered today to my father by the speech therapist with Home Health, by order of my father's PCP. His score on this basic screening (not diagnostic) test was squarely in the middle of the "Dementia" range. From past records, this is 1/2 of his score recorded the last time it was administered, maybe 2 years ago.  It has been quite the ordeal pushing the PCP to acknowledge my...

This one just needs listening to, without explanation.

I'm in a situation where in order to regain any part of my freedom and life, my parents need to go to a nursing home or some place able to care for one person who is "total care", and another fast approaching that level. One needs at least 2 people 24/7 for safe and proper care, the other needs at least one. However, if neither will voluntarily go, and neither has been deemed "incompetent" or what...

About a week ago, I hit my wall. I realized I could no longer continue full-time, in-home care of both parents at the same time. In the subsequent week, I have made some notifications and requested a tour of one facility, as well as information, suggestions, and/or options from an attorney, social worker, home health, PCP, sitter service, and some family, currently just waiting on responses.  It h...

We become caregivers, often by default and hopefully out of an urge or obligation to care for the person(s).  However, is there a danger of this becoming unhealthy for one or all, and if so, what happens when that is finally realized, and the caregiver, needing to care first for her/himself, has to back away a bit or totally?   Is there a parallel that might be instructive from the addictive world...

Over the last 2-3 weeks, due to illness or other reasons, the number of no-call/no-show or other missed shifts from the home sitter service has increased. There have been a couple of new caregivers sent who, while nice, simply do not have the training, experience, or physical strength and mass to perform or assist with the required care for two elderly adults, one of whom is essentially bed-bound,...

I was able to schedule and attend a festival of sorts, two states away. While it did occur, the preparation for, execution of the trip and return was far from without stress and drama. Since I would be away, and we do not have adequate coverage from sitters 24/7, in order for my parents to be cared for, I was able to arrange respite care at a local nursing home. Not only did this allow me to get a...

Fresh on my unsleeping mind, the struggle finding and keeping paid sitters to help share the load of caregiving such that you can get a modicum of sleep, and perhaps even run errands and other daily activities, and just get some down time for psychological health. Unfortunately, a brand new person was scheduled for 8am today, with no information given to me about her history, experience etc. It tu...

Which is the lesser of two evils? Two parents being placed in a nursing home and the sole caregiver regaining a life & freedom, or the caregiver remaining so that the parents can stay at home. What if, in staying all three, having vastly reduced ability to socialize, begin experiencing increasing amounts of mental and psychological deterioration?  caregiversincrisis@zohomail.com

Episode one of the podcast. The purpose is to be able to say what I wish I could say to a friend or counselor, but cannot for fear of being judged, or certain comments and feelings being documented and held against me in years to come. We need to be able to express ourselves if we are to survive the stress and struggles of caregiving, especially in more challenging situations without a foreseeable...