Blended Family Breakthrough

This episode is the second half of our conversation focused on the "easy wrong turns" many stepparents make when they're frustrated with feeling stuck on the outside of a parent-child allegiance (between their spouse and his or her kids). If you missed the last episode, you may want to go back and listen to Episode 61 first — then come back here to catch the second half of the conve...

Stepparents, you want to be a part of the team — in your marriage and in your family. But it can often feel like you're stuck on the outside of the "allegiance" that's formed between your spouse and his or her kids. That's when the frustration, hurt or anger sets in and you end up in the danger zone of allowing "easy wrong turns" to dictate your attitude.  It&apo...

This episode is the second half of our conversation focused on the challenging emotional barriers many bio-parents face in blended families.  Often these barriers lead to a dynamic called a parent-child allegiance. If you missed the last episode, you may want to go back and listen to Episode 59 first — then come back here to catch the second half of the conversation where we'll talk about mov...

"Things are so great between us…until the kids are around!  Then there's just a ton of tension and we end up arguing about everything!" We've heard this from countless step couples over the years.  It isn't surprising because stepfamily structure puts couples on opposite ends of an experiential divide — leaving us feeling frustrated and maybe even hopeless. But here's...

It's the final day of Your Next Step Challenge It's time to get started and take action toward reaching the hopes and dreams you have for you blended family! All the steps you've taken so far are about to pay off as you begin to work your plan and make real progress… …and we're here to offer our support!  We've got new insights to share and a few reminders that will help y...

It's Day 4 of Your Next Steps Challenge … Today is all about anticipating the obstacles that could keep you from living out your good intentions for your blended family. We'll uncover the most common roadblocks to growth — and help you proactively prepare and respond so that you don't lose motivation or get stuck. So grab a note card and get ready to overcome your biggest obstacle b...

It's day 3 of Your Next Step Challenge … …and it's all about putting a tangible plan together! Today you'll be considering 4 specific steps to take that will help you take action with confidence and clarity.  When you take the time to do these 4 things, you'll set yourself up for success! So, grab something to take notes with and let's find out how you can Chart Your Cours...

It's day 2 of Your Next Step Challenge!   Yesterday we kicked off the challenge with step 1 — 'Find Your Focus'.   Now that you've taken that step to select one area of blended family life that you'd like to focus on…that area where you most need to grow and development — it's time to take the next step! Today's challenge is to 'Choose Your Path'!  You&...

You've probably got great intentions for your blended family.  You want to gain understanding and discover new skills that will help you "do things right"  But chances are, when you realize how much there is to learn you might get overwhelmed — especially when you hit those inevitable bumps in the road that create setbacks and leave you feeling disappointed and discouraged. And all...

We all start out with high hopes, big dreams and some expectations about what our blended family life will be like — and they seem very reasonable…. …until everyone's living under the same roof! Once our families merge, we begin to realize just how difficult (and different) things are.  That's when disappointment sets in leaving us vulnerable to getting stuck in discouragement. In this e...

It takes a lot of energy and effort to make a blended family work… …and when we don't see the results we want, we can get stuck in discouragement.    In this episode we'll be talking with our clients Jake and Whitney who have experienced their fair share of disappointment and discouragement.  Jake and Whitney describe feeling "Hopeless, Defeated and Angry"…but they didn't...

It's common for blended family couples to get stuck in discouragement when they've experienced challenging setbacks and feel like they've failed over and over.  We've been there and we'll share the most difficult season of our marriage — when we were both so discouraged that we almost called it quits!  Thankfully, we learned how to break free from discouragement — and you...

One of the biggest challenges we've faced as a couple has been learning how to openly communicate — especially when we don't agree. Mike tends to raise his voice, criticize and make demands.  I tend to disconnect  and hold my tongue even when there's something I really should be communicating.    We spent years stuck in painful cycles of conflict, misunderstanding and confusion.  Th...

The question we're often asked is this:  Should my highest priority be my marriage or my kids?  If you're a bio-parent, you might be concerned about making sure that your kids are feeling secure and cared for — they've always been your priority and maybe you're wondering why that should change. And if you're a step-parent, you probably entered into marriage thinking that y...

Do you ever wonder what it might be like for your kids — moving back and forth between two homes? Whether your kids are moving between two allies or between two "countries at war", there's likely to be some tension. Reducing that tension is really up to the adults…and that starts with you. In this episode, we've got a very special guest who knows what it's like to move bac...

It's uncomfortable for any stepparent to admit they don't like their own step-child. But faking, avoiding or trying to grit your way through doesn't seem to help much. Mike has fessed up over the years about the times he struggled to connect with my daughter Annika. Their personalities are very different and he didn't always agree with my approach to parenting — which really me...

Do you ever think back to when you and your spouse just started dating?  You know — when you felt really connected and things seemed so much easier.    But now the reality of busy family life seems to interfere with your marriage, creating disconnection and maybe even conflict.   You're probably frustrated by all the relational challenges — especially around step-kids and parenting issues. It...

As a stepmom, you probably want to experience reasonable cooperation with your husband's Ex-wife.  You want to work as a team for the benefit of the kids.  And you might be feeling frustrated if this seems to be impossible — especially when she refuses to acknowledge you or freaks out about your involvement with the kids.  You might feel like you're being unfairly judged.  Maybe you&apos...

Stepparents — we're betting you came into your blended family with the BEST intentions.  You want to thoughtfully care for your step-kid(s) and bring value as you lovingly support then — and your spouse.  You really want to contribute good things to their lives! But does it feel like all the good things you do seem to get overlooked by your spouse's Ex?  Are you often the target of harsh...

Wouldn't it be awesome for your kids to experience lots of consistency between their two homes?  It can feel overwhelming (sometimes impossible) to try and make that happen when you're kids are moving back and forth.  Some co-parents are able to work together and establish matching ideals and expectations for the kids — but more often than not, this isn't the case.  When there'...

Everyone knows how important it is for kids to have a meaningful relationship with both of their parents — and it's best when they can freely enjoy time in each home.   And when one parent tries to distance the kids from the other parent, it can be tragic.  The attempt one parent might make to intentionally and systematically distance a child from their other parent has a name — it's cal...

You want your kids to experience freedom from stress and concern as they move between their two homes.  You want them to be able to love both of their parents — without feeling like there are strings attached. To make sure that's what your kids experience, you're probably very careful about the way you talk about your Ex when the kids are around… …but are you sure you're not uninten...

Have you ever been confused by your kids or step-kids?   Maybe it feels like they just don't like their step-parent.  Maybe they give the silent treatment or cop an attitude.  You want to be understanding, but it's just so frustrating! Part of that frustration might actually be misunderstanding.  It's hard for your kids to see life from your perspective — and the opposite is true to...

You want to be connected to your step-kids.  You want to experience that bond you had hoped for early on.  The bond you knew would take some work, but now seems impossible to experience… …now there seems to be a wall that's standing between you and the step-kids you love.  That wall is robbing you of the connection you really want. Sure, you understand that many of the bricks that built that...

Kids' in blended families face many forms of loss and grief. Our family is personally facing a loss right now.  This is just a short episode sharing the loss we're experiencing and a quick reflection of what loss and grief might be like for kids. Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don...