Blended Family Breakthrough

It feels frustrating and confusing when the kids resist their stepparent. It seems like no matter how much the stepparent reaches out to connect with the child, they just won't lower their walls — and sometimes those walls seem to be impenetrable! As adults, we feel like we should be able to figure this out.  Bonding shouldn't be this complicated or challenging…should it? And that's...

Have you ever tried to change a negative emotion?  It's not easily done without first understanding where the emotion came from.    When we're feeling hurt, frustrated or unheard by someone we love, it's usually because we've got a negative story about them in our head that's developed over time.   But is the story really the truth about who they are?  And how can we corre...

Remember those early days when you were dating?  The excitement you felt and the hope you had that this time things were going to be different… …you were looking forward to experiencing deeper connection in this marriage.  You couldn't wait to watch the bonds grow in your new family.  Finally, you were on the way to your "happily ever after". But, only a few months in, all that conn...

There's no way to soften the blow when Mother's Day expectations are crushed.  We all want to experience a relaxed, fun-filled day and we all deserve to be honored as moms and stepmoms.  But in the context of a blended family, it isn't so simple.  Over the years, we've heard heartbreaking stories of disappointment from stepmoms who've experienced rejection and exclusion on...

We all want to have an easy, peaceful co-parenting relationship with our Ex — mostly because we want to protect our kids and ensure they aren't caught up in drama or conflict.   We don't want to feel like our kids are the ones suffering the consequences of our disagreements with the Ex. But, when the Ex seems to constantly insist on being difficult no matter the situation, it's exha...

Does the Ex seem to be sabotaging your best parenting efforts? We all have priorities for our kids - a vision for the values, character traits and lifestyle choices we want them to embrace as they grow up.  But the influence of our Ex and the other home can sometimes send mixed messages and steer the kids in the opposite direction. In this episode, we'll focus on how to cope with the differen...

Dealing with Ex's (and their partner) is one subject most of us prefer to avoid.  The truth is, avoiding the challenges that come with "the other home" is not the best thing for your kids.  You see, the better your relationships are between the adults in both homes — the better life is for your kids.  Plus it's more peaceful for you!  Trying to reason with Ex's who sometim...

Authority — it's a tough subject in blended families.   Who has it…who doesn't?  Who should  have it…and who shouldn’t ?  There's so much conflicting advice out there about this it can make your head spin!  And one big "message" that seems to have made its way into the mainstream is that authority should NOT belong to a stepparent.  But, is it that simple?  I (Mike) used t...

Have you ever felt rejected by your stepchild? I know I have — and it hurts.  Especially when you're trying so hard to show them how much you love them.   Most stepparents I've met really want to have a connected relationship with their stepchild.  But somewhere along the way, they feel like giving up.  It's not that they don't still want to build a relationship…it's just...

"NO!" Isn't that one of the most frustrating words to hear from your kids and step-kids?  We all want our kids to grow up learning to have a voice of their own, but if we're really honest - we just want compliance when we ask them to do something… …that would be nice, wouldn't it? What if that "NO!" response is a sign of something good developing in our kids?  Wh...

Lots of people talk about setting "healthy boundaries" and we all want to believe we're doing just that.  But the truth is, many of us can't clearly define what healthy boundaries actually are — much less being able to define our own PERSONAL healthy boundaries.  And the subject of boundaries is confusing.  What we really want is to feel bonded and connected to our spouse, kids...

Every step-parent wants a great relationship with their step-kids.  But somewhere along the way, it feels like that gets hijacked by a crazy, unexpected competition. Every time we feel like things are going along fine and we're finally figuring it out — WHAM!  another argument about petty things more butting into conversations meant for adults again, wedging their way between you and your spo...

Most step-parents want to enjoy time with their step-kids.  They want to relax, laugh and just have fun!  But often they describe their time together as stressful, tension-filled or even dreadful — especially when we're on our own with them. I (Mike) get it…I remember those feelings of fear and dread when I knew Kim was going to be gone and everything with her daughter (Annika) depended on me...

In this episode, we're talking about how to get unstuck when you're feeling Trapped between your spouse and your kids.  We call that being a Trapped Teammate and just about every parent in a blended family experiences this to some level.  We're sharing a couple of mindset shifts, some "stories" to avoid and even a simple 5-step process to help relieve the pressure of feeli...

I (Mike) often felt stuck on the outside as a step-parent.  Kim and Annika had their little inside routines and jokes that I couldn't seem to connect with. What I really wanted was to instantly feel included…but blended family life just doesn't work that way.  When I was feeling like a Stranded Stranger , what I was really wanting was for our family to "blend"…but one stepfamil...

Yes, it's Sunday.  Are we throwing your week off?  Sorry about that, we just wanted to get this episode out to you and leave plenty of time before Valentine's Day. You see, we've noticed that sooner or later, every blended family couple experiences feeling like a Trapped Teammate and Stranded Stranger .  (If you're not sure what that is, click the link) And there's 1 Simpl...

Step-Parents, have you ever felt left out?  Has it ever felt like there's a big relational chasm that you just can't seem to cross — like you're Stranded? Bio-Parents, have you ever felt stuck between your spouse and your kids?  Do you feel pulled back and forth trying to please both, but not seeming to please anyone — like you're Trapped? Sooner or later, every step-couple exp...

I don't know about you, but when I'm stuck in believing a myth I have an uneasy feeling that things just aren't right.  But when the myth-busting truth comes along it's like a fog lifts and I can suddenly see the reality that I always suspected was there.  I love it when that happens! And that's what we want to give you today…the gift of busted myths. We've seen over...

Have you experienced a bit of "step-sibling rivalry" in your home? If you just stood up and screamed, "YES!" — this episode is for you. Helping step-siblings find ways to connect and bond is both an art and a science.  It requires you to make some challenging assessments about your blended family's unique dynamics.  Plus, you'll need to paint a clear picture for all t...

Every step-couple wants their kids to have a stable, fun childhood.  But blended families have to navigate a multitude of transitions and changes that feel unstable…and often aren't much fun. You know why changes need to happen, but they can often leave the kids feeling powerless and helpless.  We've seen the tears and heard the complaints of our own kids when transition and change catch...

As a stepparent, I want to feel respected — especially in my own home.  But too many times I have felt the cold shoulder or the silent treatment.  Sometimes I've been on the receiving end of blatant disrespect too. And it's not just the stepparent in blended families that ends up on the receiving end of these painful situations.  Bio-parents struggle just as much to deal with a child who...

What do you want to be different in your family by this time next year? Is it closer bonds?  Or better parenting teamwork with your spouse?  Is it a greater connection in your marriage?  Or even more civil interactions with your Ex? Regardless of what kind of change you want to see, we know one thing that's guaranteed — you won't get to enjoy the changes you want unless you take intentio...

Sometimes life can blindside us!  If you're like most blended family couples you can relate. There are all kinds of unexpected realities that blindside us — sometimes shortly after the wedding!  These realities feel defeating…maybe even hopeless, but the truth is you can always take a next step.  In this episode, we're exploring 7 of the most common realities step-couples face and some s...

We're betting you remember those hopes and dreams you had for your blended family adventure when you first set out!  But somewhere along the way you realized, "…this isn't going quite the way I thought it would." Those "perfect ideals" you had that you would be one big happy family seem out of reach — and you're left with disappointment that you never saw coming....

Parenting as a united team can feel like something that's unattainable for many blended family couples.  Many of us feel overwhelmed and disconnected — rather than united and supported. That's why we're diving into the mindsets you need to focus on to gain the unity you really want.  We'll cover the added challenges that come for complex stepfamilies (when both partners have br...