Blended Family Breakthrough

In this unique episode you'll get to listen in on a candid conversation between me (Mike) and my step-daughter, Annika. We wanted to understand more about what it was like for Annika growing up in our blended family — so, I asked her to simply be open and honest as she answered some tough and insightful questions. Simple questions like: As a step-parent, what do you think I did well? What do...

Surly you love your kids and step-kids. You probably have a desire to build strong bonds with them, but somehow that might be proving more difficult than you first imagined. It's common for the relational complexities of a blended family to work against you when it comes to your kids actually feeling love and connection.   And it's not just the kids —  you might struggle to feel loved in...

Everyone wants a "good blend"… …the closeness, happiness, trust, and emotional safety that helps us experience love in our blended family. But, many of us quickly find that love is complicated in blended family life. Unmet expectations, confusion and hurt feelings seem to invade our home and it's hard to know how to make sense of it all. We've felt those and many more disappoin...

One of the most painful realities of my divorce was facing the fact that my daughter would be splitting her time between two homes. Every time Annika left for her dad's house, I would feel empty, disconnected and even numb. After I remarried, I wanted to engage in normal life with Mike and our mutual kids while Annika was at her dad's — but for me, things just weren't normal and I d...

Favoritism is kind of a "yucky" word in families — but the truth is favoritism can pop up in some unexpected ways in just about any family.  And blending families can be particularly susceptible.  When unintended favoritism creeps in, it can wreak havoc and do long-term damage to relationships. The first step to protecting your blended family from this kind of enemy is to understand all...

This is the second half of our conversation from last week where we discussed the sensitive topic of kid's grieving when one of their parents is absent in their life.  If you missed the last episode, you may want to go back and listen to Episode 81 first — then come back here to catch the second half of the conversation where we'll also explore how this dynamic might impact the blending...

The best scenario for kids is when they can have a healthy relationship with both of the parents they love.    Sadly, many kids in blended families have a gaping hole in their life because one of their parents is absent.   Whether a parent's absence is due to abandonment, inconsistency, or death — the impact can be heartbreaking. Missing a parent who is absent can be one of the hardest realit...

Blended family marriage is unique and it takes intentional effort to stay connected and communicate well.  That is especially true when the typical stressors, pressures and disagreements hit. There seem to be these times along the way when we simply don't know how to handle the unique dynamics or manage conflict well.  And if we don't intentionally do something about it, it can be detrim...

Every couple has conflict.   That's a simple reality we should all expect — especially for those of us who live each day in the challenges of blended family dynamics. But one thing that's not so simple, is fully understanding the unhealthy ways most of us tend to react when conflict hits.  It's tough to identify exactly how to avoid those toxic reactions that many of us have.  And l...

Every relationship starts with attraction and some passion.   And true intimacy grows as we get to know and discover each other.  And then we make the decision to commit ourselves exclusively to each other through saying our "I do's". But this is just the beginning of building a lifelong love.   As time goes by challenges of blending set in, life gets busy and stressful.  It's...

Maybe we all start out on a similar romantic path — we meet, connect at a deep level and then fall in love. But when the dating stage gives way to everyone living under the same roof, blended family couples inevitably seem to be thrust toward a path of unforeseen challenges that rob them of that connection and excitement of falling in love. Why is this?  Because a blended family marriage is simply...

The truth is there are going to be times when we mess up. We unintentionally lose control…we make mistakes…and the result is usually distance and tension in our most important relationships. There is no such thing as a perfect parent — or a perfect step-parent. And the good news is, when we say or do something that causes hurt feelings, we don't have to stay stuck in the disconnection and awk...

I wanted to connect with my step-daughter, Annika from day 1.  But sometimes — if I was really honest, she drove me a bit nuts. Her habits, choices and approach to life was waaayyy different than mine.  I spent a lot of energy trying to "correct" her, but usually I was left exhausted and it never seemed to make a difference. I couldn't understand why she just didn't seem to get...

Ever wondered why your usual 'go-to' consequences for the kids seem to have lost their impact?  Or maybe you've been struggling to get on the same page as a couple to come up with consequences that you're able to follow through with? We want our kids to learn self-control and take responsibility for their poor choices.  But it feels like we've run out of options to respond...

You might think that 'boundaries' are just about getting kids to comply and behave — but that really isn't the goal.   Loving boundaries provide stability, motivation and training so that kids develop self-control, respect, and responsibility for life. Most of us understand that boundaries are an important focus for every family — but in a blended family, things tend to feel overwhe...

Most step-couples start out trying to simply use common sense around how to "blend" their family and create bonded relationships. But it seems like we quickly discover that our common sense around bonding doesn't work very well and we're not getting where we really want to be.   Unfortunately, our initial ideas around how to bond in a blended family actually might create unheal...

The holidays are a time for laughter, joy, connection and peace.  But for blended families, all of that can be hijacked by our kids' difficult emotions and disappointment.  And for most of us it's hard to know how to respond. Kim's daughter, Annika struggled with difficult emotions moving between two homes — and her disappointment seemed especially sensitive around the holidays. Her...

We all want our kids to be healthy and safe.  We spend lots of time and energy teaching them, encouraging them, and protecting them from the dangers of life. But when it comes to our kids and technology, many of us feel like it's nearly impossible to keep up with the threats our kids are exposed to. Research shows that technology is the number one reason parents believe raising their children...

We all want to enjoy the holiday season with our family — without experiencing tension, disappointment or conflict. Managing all the complexities of blended families can be overwhelming around the holidays.  You're merging two family cultures with different ideas about how the holiday season should look… …kids might be looking forward to experiencing past family traditions that are still mean...

For most blended families, tensions are highest when everyone is together. Why is that important to know right now? Because so many are currently working from home, our kids are schooling from home due to the COVID-19 pandemic — and everyone is together almost all of the time! Our normal activities and routines have been disrupted and we're spending more time all together than ever before… …w...

Every parent wants to create a heathy environment for their kids as they move between homes, but conflict between parents does just the opposite — and the results can be detrimental. Even if your Ex treats you with contempt and seems to oppose everything you say or do… …you don't have to lose hope or give up on trying to improve co-parenting interactions.  In this episode we'll share a s...

Are you frustrated with your spouse's lack of motivation to get help with you? You might be surprised to learn that motivation is not a character trait, it's really a state of mind. And here's the good news — by understanding what actually motivates your spouse, you can discover the best way to approach them and positively encourage forward movement.  In this episode we're inte...

If you're ready to get some help navigating blended family life and explore  new ways to improve things in your relationship — but your partner isn't interested… …this episode is for YOU!  10 years into our marriage, we were not on the same page about getting help.  We were facing an unknown future and Mike wanted us to get professional help — but I (Kim) wasn't willing to do anythi...

Blended family dynamics will inevitably create a mine-field of challenging situations and if there's one thing you can expect, it's this… …you're going to get your feelings hurt and sustain some emotional wounds!   That's why it's so important to understand the art and science of forgiveness.   Whether it's a rude step-child or a toxic Ex — or even your current spouse...

What's the key to overcoming parent-child allegiances?  In a word — it's UNITY!  Over the previous several episodes we've talked about some of the emotional barriers that bio-parents often experience.  We also covered those "easy wrong turns" that stepparents tend to make while navigating a parent-child allegiance. As you're working through your own emotions and minds...