Blended Family Breakthrough

You probably want your kids to feel secure, relax, and just be kids. But when kids are caught in the middle of tension between you and your former spouse, all that stress steals away their security and their peace. We know how hard it is to work with an Ex that doesn't seem to want to co-parent well — even for the sake of the kids.  It can be maddening! One thing that helps is to recognize an...

We all want to find those times to recharge and replenish.  Sometimes it seems like those moments will never come. The truth is, those opportunities to pause don't usually just drop in our lap.  Most of the time we need to be strategic about pausing and creating healthy margin in our lives. We've got some thoughts to share about that as well as an important announcement in this episode....

We all want to love our kids well.  We want to be a safe place for them to process.  We want them to be open and authentic with us. The problem is, their losses and emotions can be hard for us to understand.  Sometimes we do our best to help them move through those old hurts and hang-ups without realizing our efforts are keeping them stuck. That was something I (Mike) experienced growing up.  My d...

Whether you're considering marriage or you've been "blending" for a few years, this episode is for you! Ron Deal is adding a new book to the Smart Stepfamily library called "Preparing to Blend:  The Couples Guide to Becoming a Smart Stepfamily". The book releases on the same day we're dropping this episode and we're so excited for you to hear directly from R...

If you're anything like us, you probably want to experience unity and intimacy in your marriage — and in your family. The funny thing is, you probably felt united early on.  But somewhere along the way maybe that feeling of unity seemed to break down.   Maybe you were working hard to get on the same page.  You've tried to keep the peace in your home.  You’ve even encouraged everyone in y...

Wouldn’t it be awesome if everything just "clicked" once you moved everyone under the same roof? Imagine waking up every morning to smiles, hugs and kind words being generously shared among everyone in the family.  That's a reality we'd love to live in. But if you're anything like us, that's probably not the reality you've experienced. Our reality has included so...

Every step-couple wants to experience healthy communication.  They want to love each other with their words.  But for most of us, when the tension hits and our words matter most — we seem to do our worst. For years, we struggled to communicate when difficult issues popped up.  Even the little irritations and disappointments seemed to derail our communication. We frequently found ourselves stuck in...

Love is all you need — right? It might feel that way in the beginning.  You're excited to start "blending" and you're confident you'll figure it out as you go along. But when the unknown and unexpected dynamics of stepfamily life hit, you probably experience more chaos and conflict than you expected.  That's when doubt can set in. I (Mike) remember running into a seas...

Did you catch the first two Myths about 1 on 1 time in Episode 103 ? If not, you might want to go back and check that out. In this episode, we're revealing two more myths and replacing them with the counteractive truths that will help you move forward with clarity and confidence. Many parents and stepparents buy into these myths about this 1 on 1 strategy and that robs them of the truth that...

Everyone hopes to experience connection and fun times together as they begin "blending" families… …but when family time is stressful, their high hopes get snatched away, and instead that time becomes a painful reminder that blending isn't as easy as they thought it might be. We remember those moments when our hopes for a bonded family were dashed.  And then we started learning about...

Every couple wants to experience connection, peace, and success as they navigate through the ups and downs of blended family life. Most of us know it takes work to have a healthy, thriving marriage — but when the work feels impossible, it's easy to get stuck in painful cycles of unresolved issues and ongoing conflict. In episode 101, we shared 4 "back-breakers" that make the work we...

We all enjoy marriage so much more when things are going smoothly and we're working as a united team.   But it's common for blended family couples to feel disconnected and overwhelmed by the problems and pain they experience regularly… ...and it can be easy to start believing it's impossible to move forward.  We struggled for years.  We were stuck in painful cycles and unresolved is...

To celebrate our 100th episode, we thought it might be fun for us to share from the heart about the last 20 years of our marriage — but we wanted to do that with a bit of a "twist". We hope you enjoy listening in on this unrehearsed conversation where we'll ask each other questions about the past 20 years of our stepfamily journey, our marriage, and the future we each envision. We d...

Feelings of guilt and regret can really drag you down… …and all too often in blended family life, guilt and regret are easily triggered.  They sometimes keep you stuck — unable to break free from a heavy emotional burden. Kim knows first-hand what it's like to be trapped in that place.  She's also discovered that she didn't have to allow painful guilt and regret to dictate her decis...

We all want to be known.   We want to feel understood, connected, and unconditionally loved by our spouses.  But most blended family couples tend to run into some painful barriers that lead to guardedness, insecurity, and fear within their marriage.  We've struggled with those barriers in our own marriage and they sabotaged us from getting what we really wanted.  Over time, we discovered that...

We all want to keep our kids safe.  We want to protect them from the dangers of our world. But the reality is that every child from every background and in every community is at risk of experimenting with drugs and alcohol and even developing an addiction… …and the warning signs of addictive behavior can sometimes be hard to spot. We personally know the shock, disappointment, anger and heartbreak...

Husbands in stepfamilies have some challenging responsibilities. As Dad or Stepdad (or both!), they tend to carry a lot on their shoulders. They might not always say it — but most men need to feel appreciated and affirmed for all they do. Father's Day is a perfect opportunity to honor the man in your home simply by saying a few words to him — the ones he really needs to hear! In this episode,...

You want to experience fun summer activities and events as a family, but you may need to readjust your visitation schedule so that you can include everyone… …and that means negotiating changes with your Ex — which might trigger disagreement, conflict or disappointment. If you're dreading that conversation because things haven't gone well in the past or there's been tension between h...

We all tend to head into stepfamily life hoping that close bonds will develop and everyone will enjoy spending time together.  But this doesn't usually happen as easily or as quickly as we'd like. Instead, most of us are blindsided by the amount of chaos, tension and resistance that pops up around every corner.  It can leave us frustrated, confused or even hopeless. If you relate to that...

Most of us want to have a healthy sense of parental authority with our kids.  We want to lead our home with purpose and make quality decisions that are best for the kids' future — and for ours.  But often in the complexities of divorce, loss and single-parenting, the "balance of power" can unintentionally shift toward the kids.  When that happens, they gain more and more control ove...

You might have imagined that "blending" would be relatively smooth and easy. But reality hit when your child refused to engage - no matter what you say or do they resist moving forward, and even  reject that new person in your life. The tension and conflict leaves you bewildered and it robs you of the happiness you want to experience.  One of our listeners understands this all too well —...

Most of us want to get along well with the Ex, but unfortunately the story we hear more about is that difficult Ex. You know — that high conflict Ex that leaves you emotionally exhausted.  It might feel like your spouse's Ex has way too much power over your home and your life!   And when your husband's Ex-Wife (or maybe it's your wife's Ex-husband) is invading your home — you m...

There's no way to soften the blow when Mother's Day expectations are crushed.  We all want to experience a relaxed, fun-filled day and we all deserve to be honored as moms and stepmoms.  But in the context of a blended family, it isn't so simple.  Over the years, we've heard heartbreaking stories of disappointment from stepmoms who've experienced rejection and exclusion on...

Most of us start our blended family journey with high expectations and excitement about our family's future.  We might know that many things are going to have to change — and change is hard, right?  Surprisingly, no.  Change isn't hard…  …it's the process of transition where most of us get stuck.  Somewhere along the way, most of us are left wondering why it's so difficult to r...

Most of us want to make things easy and fun for our kids. Especially when they've already been through so much in the past. Now you've fallen in love and are getting ready to blend your family, but you know it might not be as "easy and fun" as you'd like it to be.  You want to help them experience a smooth transition, but you just don't know how. And that sense of bei...