Black and White and Gold

Revisiting part 3 of our relationship series from season 1. It ends with us saying a bunch of big words, but words that changed the game for us. If things like “differentiation,” “enmeshment,” and “co-create” are new-ish to you, hopefully there’s something good in this listen for you to take to your own relationships. Join the chat, and let’s talk about what we’re learning together! Some links to...

We are throwing it back to a 3-part series we originally recorded at the beginning of season 1, revisiting the conversation, woven into this season about individual and relationship growth. This is part 2 of the 3 episodes. There’s a lot of discussion about relationships and vulnerability, but it seems that men have a bit of a bad rap in this particular arena. But what does culture AND the women i...

We are throwing it back to a 3-part series we originally recorded at the beginning of season 1, revisiting the conversation, woven into this season about individual and relationship growth. In this episode, we explore the unwritten social norms that govern men's interactions with other humans, alongside a deep dive into vulnerability, friendship, and emotional intimacy among men. We unpack how soc...

In this episode, Carly introduces her innovative ‘Irreversible Spiral’ framework, a powerful tool for understanding personal and relational growth through paradigm shifts and choices. She discusses how recognizing these shifts can lead to greater agency and healthier relationships. For more info on working with The Irreversible Spiral, reach out to Carly on her website carlyallred.com , or through...

Understanding the balance between our inner and outer worlds is crucial. We often think of sacred marriage as just a union between two people, but the capacity to relate well with others starts deeply inside the individual. As we work toward this inner balance, we can bring that whole self into our relationships. Imagine being able to hold space for someone else’s differences while still remaining...

Taking a break from the series we started because a conversation was alive in us the day we recorded. We discuss relationship dynamics, specifically within a religious framing, when pornography is part of the story. This episode explores the complex relationship between purity culture, sexuality, pornography, and religious frameworks. Carly and Rob discuss historical perspectives, cultural influen...

This episode explores the concept of sacred marriage as introduced by Carl Jung, focusing on internal integration and individuation. It discusses the union of masculine and feminine energies within oneself, the symbolism across cultures, and practical insights for personal wholeness. Because sometimes us Western peeps need eastern philosophy reframed before we can hear it or understand it. This is...

As humans, we both want to be in deep connection AND own ourselves. The balance can be precarious. This episode helps walk us through some ways to get there individually and then as a couple. As discussed in the episode, this practice below can be super beneficial when you hit a rough patch to repair the intentional and unintentional damage caused through miscommunication. Rupture-and-Repair Ritua...

In this episode, we explore the vital concepts of differentiation and boundaries in relationships, even getting into the nitty-gritty of what healthy boundaries do and don’t look like. We discuss how maintaining a healthy sense of self, effective boundary setting, and understanding different relationship dynamics can foster healthier, more collaborative connections across all types of relationship...

Let’s talk about the CNN article, Gisele Pelicot, and Man v Bear all in one two-part convo. Oh, and we’ll wrap in what the regular human person can do about any of it. Sound good? Yeah…it’s rough, but it’s necessary. If we want a different reality, we’re gonna have to be part of the solution. Let’s go! Our Instagram handles: @blackandwhiteandgold | @wildravenbreathwork | @greatsexforgoodguys Accou...

Let’s talk about the CNN article, Gisele Pelicot, and Man v Bear all in one two-part convo. Oh, and we’ll wrap in what the regular human person can do about any of it. Sound good? Yeah…it’s rough, but it’s necessary. If we want a different reality, we’re gonna have to be part of the solution. Let’s go! Our Instagram handles: @blackandwhiteandgold | @wildravenbreathwork | @greatsexforgoodguys Accou...

This episode explores the deep-rooted stories and identities that influence our behavior, relationships, and self-perception. Carly and Rob discuss how loyalty to old stories can hinder growth and how to consciously shift these narratives for a more authentic life. Key topics: * Loyalty to old stories and identities * Shadow work and shadow questions * Family, religious, and cultural conditioning...

This episode explores shadow work in relationships, focusing on how understanding and working through shadows like shame, jealousy, anger, and control can deepen intimacy and promote healthier connections. We share personal stories, practical tools, and insights on emotional regulation, vulnerability, and authentic communication. Because what fun is a relationship if we’re operating in fear or sha...

Have you met my friend Sara? She’s a gem, and has a lot of wisdom and experience to share. Find her at Sara Johnson and on Instagram. This bonus episode was just what I needed, even though it had me sobbing for a good portion of it—both whilst recording and whilst editing. Love you all. Thanks for being here. Find us on Instagram: @blackandwhiteandgold @greatsexforgoodguys @wildravenbreathwork Get...

There are parts of our identity that we like, and some that we don’t like, and some of both are habits we’ve created that are sneakily keeping us from growth. Let’s talk about it. The shadow work journal Rob uses: click here Shadow Questions asked at the end of the episode: What are some of the unconscious contracts that you’ve been living by? And who wrote them? What were the terms? Did you ever...

Join us as we talk through how to help you work on your relationship as a separate entity. Because partnership looks a lot like two people choosing to do life together, but then our inner child runs the show when the stakes are high. How to we move through that? Let’s figure it out together. Questions we ask toward the end of the episode. We recommend at a minimum journaling on these questions and...

We all have a wounded inner-child somewhere, and we find them by noticing our triggers—the things that make us so fired up—specifically when our emotional response feels a little bit over-the-top. Today, we chat about what that means for us—and how we can use it to grow the eff up instead of just stewing and re-creating toxic habits. Because you’re better that that. Inner-Child Hypnotherapy/Medita...

When your connection to your partner feels threatened, what does it feel like in your body? What kind of messages do you tell yourself when that connection feels threatened? Is that story actually true? What are you willing to do in order to work through any of those struggles to maintain a healthy connection with your partner? When we (Carly and Rob) started to recognize the way that our patterns...

Setting the stage a bit to help us understand some basic needs we have and how our minds can process info and experiences. When we understand what is happening with a more expanded view, we can see things that help ground us and get us through complex issues. In this conversation, we overlay Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs with Carl Jung’s Ego/Shadow/Self to untangle some of the ways we just respond b...

Season 4 is here to build something better. Personal relationship with yourself first, THEN intimate relationship with others. Let’s do this together! Instagram: Black and White and Gold @wildravenbreathwork @greatsexforgoodguys This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Thanks for reading! This post is public so feel...

A bit of a wrap-up to tie the loose ends as much as we can in this insanely robust topic. Stick around for Season 4 after the new year, and have the best holiday season you’re able! We’ll be around on the interwebs here on Substack , as well as on Instagram . Get full access to Black and White and Gold at blackandwhiteandgold.substack.com/subscribe

We hear about the “toxic masculine” all the time, and directly attribute the Alpha Bro poison to patriarchal society, but we don’t often talk about the toxic feminine unless we’re just flat out making fun of women…which continues to engrain the problem. In the world of cinema, few films resonate as profoundly as Mean Girls, a comedic exploration of the complexities of high school life and the snea...

Summary In this episode, we explore the themes of patriarchy and feminism, discussing the need for egalitarianism in society. We discuss practical ways to decenter male perspectives in relationships in order to create space for equality. Come join us on Instagram: @blackandwhiteandgold Get full access to Black and White and Gold at blackandwhiteandgold.substack.com/subscribe

Feminism is so broad, sometimes we caricature the whole movement and then steer clear. This episode is intended to continue our conversation the last two weeks about what feminism is and how it presents and impacts the world. Today, we dive into understanding how different types of feminism, as well as different manifestations of oppression affect people in ways that can’t easily be addressed from...

This conversation delves into the multifaceted nature of feminism, exploring its various waves and types, including liberal, radical, socialist, and cultural feminism. The hosts discuss the historical context, key figures, and the importance of intersectionality in understanding women's rights and gender equality. They emphasize that feminism is not a singular movement but a complex interplay of i...