Black and White and Gold

I grew up knowing that there was little to nothing I could do that would be worse than being a “Feminist.” But once I learned more about what that word meant, and how much I was benefitting in my life from all my feminist foremothers, it was obviously a place I needed to be. The more I learn about history, the more I understand the way that opposing forces are what shapes society, and an individua...

Some people will look at all of this (gestures to the whole world) and say, “Gee…looks like patriarchy is everywhere, that must mean God meant it to be that way.” But friends, we’re a little smarter than that by now, yes? Let’s look closer at some other options, today, particularly talking about matriarchies. What are they? Where are they? When are they? Get the point? Let’s discuss and see how an...

Though what we call “Purity Culture” has tentacles in many generations, it seems to have a significantly deep effect on younger the Gen-X and Millennial generations. Purity Rings and pledges, Daddy-Daughter balls, girls being taught by church leaders that they were “walking pornography,” and thousands of other examples of teachings ingrained into the minds of children and youth have an effect…and...

We don’t want to talk about such a painful topic without offering help to heal. This episode is all about that. We also mention stickers. You can shop stickers (and all sorts of other things!) on Carly’s website. Shadow questions for healing: What parts of yourself have you been told are too much? What parts of yourself have you been told are not enough? Where have you silenced your voice because...

This conversation is split in two parts. The first discusses how one of the greatest harms of patriarchy is that it forces us to split from our own selves. The second, how we can work to repair that split to heal. Join us next week for the second piece! Be warned, we don’t mince words: this is a harmful system that benefits many of us on some level, but does more harm in the process. We discuss th...

This conversation was so fun to have two self-proclaimed “nice guys” talking about how living up to the standard set in a patriarchal society has both helped them and hurt them. Steve has even transitioned into the life coaching space, primarily helping men from a similar background and mindset to navigate their relationships. Steve's Website: stevethatchercoaching.com This Substack is reader-supp...

Ah, the double-standard. The way the double-standards play out in a patriarchy are part of the reason we still uphold it. Because…let’s be honest… everyone benefits somehow. I know, I know…that’s not what we want to hear, and maybe there are things I’m missing (spoiler alert: there definitely are), but there are ways people of all genders benefit from a patriarchal system. It just prioritizes men....

EDIT: Rebecca’s new book, Raising Trans Kids: What to Expect When You Weren’t Expecting This is available to purchase. You can also purchase/donate through her website (linked below), with the option of purchasing to donate to a family or community in need. We also recommend you ask your local library to purchase a copy for community use (I did this morning, and it took be about 3 minutes to reque...

Flipping the tables on Carly this time…Rob asks all the questions without any heads-up on what they are. This is a raw, emotional take on that current moment of Carly’s story as she begins to see patriarchal structures for what they are—and how that changed literally everything. For those who grew up being taught a more egalitarian way, it may be foreign to see how some of us struggle to understan...

I had it in my mind that I wanted to interview Valerie Hamaker of Latter Day Struggles, but was torn between talking about faith crisis for Season 2, or patriarchy for Season 3. When she offered to meet with us in the wake of their resignation from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I knew it needed to be about patriarchy…as it’s fingers were all over their story, and the faith crisi...

Did the Barbie movie make you angry? Cringe? Did you think it was funny, but not at all a message? Were you even willing to watch it? We’d love to hear your take on it! Join us in the chat… This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Black and White and Gold at blackandwhiteandgold.substack.com/subscr...

Season 3 is here! In this episode, we delve into the complex topic of patriarchy, exploring its definitions, manifestations, and implications in society. We discuss the importance of understanding patriarchy not just as a system that is inherent to benefits men, but as a structure that can be harmful to all genders. The conversation highlights the need for self-reflection and engagement in discuss...

In this episode, we dive into the intricate tapestry of family dynamics and religious expectations with Carly’s cousin-in-law (that’s a thing…promise), Abbie. Abbie shares her personal journey of navigating her upbringing within the church, the challenges of balancing personal beliefs with familial expectations, and the profound impact these experiences have had on her family life. Join us as we e...

Our last episode of the official Season 2! We will be back again with weekly episodes starting on August 7. We are looking to interview experts in the different aspects of patriarchal systems…know someone? Send them our info. We’d love to chat! This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. LDS Faith Crisis Report PDF (com...

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Summary In this conversation, Trevor McGinty shares his journey of faith transition, detailing his upbringing in the church, experiences during his mission, and the challenges faced in his marriage and family life. He discusses the complexities of church leadership interactions, the expectations of church involvement, and the personal struggles that led to questioning his faith and the church's hi...

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As we sat down with Emilie and Ashlie, it was like talking to old friends. Never mind that Emilie and Carly grew up in the same valley at the same time, several parts of all of our stories had intersecting points. In this conversation, we explore the intersection of personal growth, faith, and LGBTQ+ experiences. We discuss navigating relationships within the church and the evolution of understand...

This conversation explores a conversation with Jason and Jennifer Shelton, our old neighbors. Jason grew up in the Jehovah's Witness faith and later left it, fell into addiction, and has emerged on the other side living a sober, family-filled, loving life. They discuss the challenges of growing up in a high-expectation religion, including the impact of shunning, the struggle for personal identity...

In this enlightening conversation, Jess Lee shares her journey of ancestral connection and spiritual identity, transitioning from her upbringing in the LDS faith to embracing a pagan belief system. The discussion explores the nuances of genealogy versus ancestral work, the importance of honoring one's ancestors, and the challenges of generational healing. Jess emphasizes the need for open communic...

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My experience with Jess began in 2006 when I met and taught her as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It’s been a wild ride ever since (and for Jess, before that, obv). But dang. This woman and her magic and power is incredible. Can’t wait to learn what you think about Jess’s story! Learn about Friendship House: www.thfriendshiphouse.org Follow Jess on Instagram Get...

Part 2 of 2 with Kylee Mollotte It’s easy to armchair quarterback someone else’s life. But how often do we consider what it actually looks like to be in their shoes? Maybe we should try a bit harder in that space. K, love your buns. Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support our work. Get full access to Black and White and Gold at blackandwhiteandgold.substack.com/subs...

Imagine growing up in an idyllic small town, with cousins and siblings aplenty, then you grow up, move out, marry to an NFL player, and settle down in a brand new house in a perfect neighborhood, where by all appearances, you have the perfect life. What could possibly go wrong? Turns out a lot , when your whole identity is based on a lie. Find out in this episode what happens when Kylee finally co...

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