Beyond The High Road of Parental Alienation

Are you doing enough?  I hear this question all the time.  My clients often wonder and worry over this… and it makes sense.  If your days were once filled with carting your kiddo to and from school, soccer practice, recitals, Brownies, Boy Scouts, etc, and then all the sudden… you weren’t… Its completely understandable that youre feeling a sense of urgency.  Similarly, if you worry as a result of...

“I must've done something really bad to deserve alienation”.  “I’ll never get through this.”  “My children will hate me forever.”  “This is how my life is going to be from here on out.”  “It’ll never work.” These are your Automatic Negative Thoughts… your brain’s go-to sentences it recites when you experience a moment of discomfort.  They’re knee jerk mental reactions that cause us to interpre...

Do you appreciate you? Do you ever stop to delight in your funny little quirks, your gorgeous hair or calves, or your kind heart? I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you probably don't. If you do, it's not often enough. It makes sense. If you have been called "unfit" or "unsafe" by the alienator (possibly your children too), the emotional part of your brain h...

Boundaries...  As a target parent, I'm sure you have some thoughts around this concept.  Most people have an immediate reaction when they hear the word.  For years, I truly thought they were a way to politely control the person I was setting a boundary for. I thought I could use them as a tool to somehow entice my SO to straighten up and fly right. I read every boundary book I could find. In fact,...

Here in the US (among many other countries), back to school is gearing up; and as parents experiencing alienation, this time of year can serve as one gigantic reminder that we won't be seeing our children off to their first day in their new grade (or moving them into their new dorm room). No first day photos, no Meet the Teacher night... "Challenging" can be an understatement. But on top of that,...

Parental alienation is rooted in blame. They blame us. You go to family court, and what happens? BLAME. The custody evaluator? The GAL? Blame and blame. As a result, our children learn that blaming is an acceptable way to behave. And, in response, we blame them (the alienating parent). The problem is, when we blame, we put a halt to all progress and growth. Alienation ends up being a game of Blame...

As the back-to-school shopping gears up, this might be a rather painful reminder that things aren't how you planned them to be. As an alienated parent, this might be a sensitive time for you. Maybe your firstborn is off to college.. Maybe your little one is entering a new school, and you're wondering who their teachers might be, what they'll wear on their first day, or if they received...

The fawn response is most often learned as a result of a.) growing up with a parent or caretaker.. b.) being in a relationship with an abusive partner... ... who was unable to regulate their emotions. As such, you may have learned to pacify & prioritize their wants/needs over your own. It's a maladaptive behavior that many (if not most) of us as alienated parents have adopted. In today's episode I...

As alienated parents, I think so many of us feel depleted. Like, the only thing you wanted was taken, and now you’re afraid to want — so you’ve effectively blocked yourself from knowing what your wants are.   And even ifs you did know what you wanted, you might be so focused on what's going wrong, that you dont see how anything could be right. But here’s where I want to help you out:  Focusing on...

When you're being alienated from your child, it can seem like your world -- which was once FILLED with endless opportunity -- is now depleted. I GET IT. I felt that way too. If you allow your emotional brain to run with its narratives, it's entirely possible to go from being a positive & pleasantly naive person to feeling jaded & beat to a pulp. You might even feel like it is a FACT that you are s...

Make today the day you set yourself free from the alienator's choke hold on your life. Over the holiday weekend, I was thinking back to the day that I set myself felt free -- from the negativity, the anger, the helplessness -- there was a clear turning point in my healing, where I left all of the dark days behind me. I'll share with you a few stories, some of my favorite healing metaphors,...

You know what I'm talking about... when you get wind of another accusation, insult, or disparaging remark that the alienating parent is slinging your way? Yup. As alienated parents, I've always said that we should each be assigned our own (king-size) catcher's mitt, designed specifically for this reason. Jokes aside, it makes sense that you feel the need to defend yourself (and your re...

Recently, I've noticed an uptick in suffering in the online communities (specifically for alienated parents). People seem to be particularly unhappy. Whether due to Mom's and Dad's days or summertime & custody scheduling, the WHO debacle, or all of them combined, something seems to be "in the air". SO many of the parents are just handing over their power (to the alienator...

Worry. Anxiety. They can be all-consuming when we're dealing with alienation. Anxiety is a physical state. There are different kinds, but all anxiety derives from one thing: fear of the unknown. We cope with anxiety by: worrying avoiding Worry  is an active  mental state  of  fearing what is to come . The emotional brain thinks that the act of worrying is purposeful. We think that by doing it,...

Shame.  I think every human walking the face of this earth  (over the age of, say, 9) knows the feeling of shame.  It’s like a warm shower of “UGH”.  With alienation, shame can keep us absolutely debilitated.   We (as a society) have been conditioned to believe that “good” parents raise and house their children until they are at least 18.  I think its a universal presumption that a parent who does...

During alienation, many parents (if not all of them) experience disenfranchised grief; we feel isolated, judged, and unsupported during the most painful period of our lives. It's been proven again and again that connection is an essential resource for those healing from trauma. HUMAN CONNECTION. Fellowship. Support. Family. Companionship. Friendship. However you want to say it, THIS is the sin...

MONEY.  Believe it or not, this is by far, the most highly requested topic I get from y’all, yet I know what a sore subject it is.  As alienated parents, many of us have spent GOBS of it in the court system, on supervision, reunification therapy, psych evals… I know.  But, I also know that the beliefs we develop as a result, can be limiting our potential in the future.  And… since money happens to...

As a parent experiencing the effects of alienation, you are likely no stranger to the feeling of defeat. You've been through a lot. After all the drama began you might've even felt like Defeat became your middle name. Today I provide you with a protocol so that you can coach yourself thru defeat and straight into productivity. Mistakes are the goal . Instead of quitting when you fall; gett...

Studies have shown that when you experience a traumatic event, your likelihood and capacity to grow in one or more areas increases tremendously.  Further, when you experience a series of traumatic events (ongoing abuse or trauma) like the excruciating pain associated with alienation, it would make sense that the potential for transformation (and the extent or degree thereof) would increase even mo...

Experiencing alienation (or any kind of grief, for that matter), we often feel battered by a plethora of uncomfortable experiences/emotions. So... the brain's tendency is to go into survival mode and either find something to feeling instead, or resist the feeling altogether.  Here's the  problem  with that: When you   use a behavior  (Netflix, alcohol, scrolling, weed, whatever) to  cope ,...

As alienated parents, we are inundated with so much negativity. As a result, we often end up with a negative outlook, without even realizing it. Today, I will help you to uncover some of the unhelpful ways of thinking that are masked behind seemingly kind words. Links: https://linktr.ee/bthrcoaching Watch the video! https://podcasters.spotify.com/ or https://youtube.com/@beyondthehighroadcoaching...

Do you ever feel like you're living a MEH sort of existence? Like, after all of the drama and trauma, you're just BLAH about life? Maybe you tell yourself that you're just numb or jaded. Well, in this episode, I'll provide you with a couple of reasons why this could be happening, and then supply you with some solutions to help snap you out of the doldrums, and maybe even get you ex...

New live events are being scheduled each week, starting very VERY SOON!   ⁠ Click here ⁠  to get notified! This... is one topic that I hear from clients a LOT. I see at least 4-5 posts per week on the social media platforms and forums. It's an option that many (if not most) of us have considered at one point while navigating the often dark and winding road of alienation. You might be: judging...

The average human brain has between 60-80,000 thoughts in a 24 hour period. Roughly 80% of those thoughts are negative (this is not taking into consideration any past abuse or complex trauma like parental alienation). 95% of these thoughts are repetitive (which means that many of these "neggy" suckers turn into sneaky little beliefs that infect your life). Since your perception of the wo...

Feeling stuck is something I think every human can relate to -- financial stuckness, spiritual stuckness, we can be creatively blocked... stuck in a relationship; most people feel any one of these on a pretty regular basis. But after something as traumatic as alienation happens, we often struggle to move forward in nearly ALL areas of our life.. sometimes for a prolonged period of time.  It makes...