Beyond The High Road of Parental Alienation

It seemed IMPOSSIBLE not to be consumed by it all.. The injustices were everywhere I turned. I was being followed, harassed, bullied, slandered, intimidated, threatened, and of course, grossly criticized of my ability of mother my child. The network of judges, custody evaluators, crooked "family" attorneys (not all of them were/are, but..); the strictly bureaucratic nature of the court o...

Part One: What We KNOW: When we've practiced believing the things we "know" for so long, we rarely question their validity. Even less often do we think to assess whether these "truths" work for us.. for who we are becoming. We go around thinking certain traits we've adopted are just "who we are"... but are they representing the you that you want to become? Part TWO: What we don't know: As alienate...

Guilt is an extremely common emotion during (any kind of ) grief. So if youre experiencing it, nothing has gone wrong in your healing. AND... as alienated parents, I think we can all agree that we guilt ourselves probably far more often than necessary. Before doing this work, I had no idea why. In this episode: Why guilt is a go-to for us Why we feel comfortable w/ guilt, even if the blame is on u...

So... I received some news last week... News that even just two short years ago would’ve had me in a tailspin.  I would’ve been so worked up, stomach on a roller coaster while working full speed to put reference to & defend the outrageous claims he was making against me. I think it's safe to say that, when youre cradling your darling, sweet smelling, softly cooing tiny infant in your arms,...

In this episode, we'll delve into the crucial distinction between giving up and acceptance for us, as parents experiencing alienation. Only you can decide what's right for you (and there is no "right" answer, anyway), but thru a couple personal stories, along with my own experience, this content will provide you with the clarity you've been searching for!  Why so many  target...

We can learn to "get by" after alienation happens; ducking behind a shield of indifference, while experiencing an ever-present undertone of victimhood... head on a swivel, while the subconscious brain scans the environment for any sign of danger (in the form of the alienating parent)... Is it obvious that I speak from experience on this one?  😆  ...or we can muster up the courage and ma...

Should talk. Do you ever get tired of the pressure that comes with "should" & "shouldn't"? "Life shouldn't be like this." "My ex shouldn't be alienating my kid from me." "People shouldn't be so rude." "I should be further along than I am" "I should look forward to my parenting time" "I should look forwar...

Are you an unintentional hater? Chances are, if you've gone thru the tragic situation of alienation, you probably also had your "fair" share of heartbreaking experiences before the custody battle even began.  It would make perfect sense if you picked up a few protective/coping mechanisms without even noticing. Here are just a couple of reasons why this might be happening: If you came...

Hope sounds like such a great thing. It sounds so affirmative, supportive, and well... HOPEFUL! Nearly every parent I've ever spoken with (hundreds of you) has used the word at least once during our conversations. Here's the thing about it: It SUCKS. Stay with me here. Think back to the last time you used it. How did it make you feel? ...On the inside, I mean. Did it make you feel motivate...

Your ability to succeed is directly related to your default beliefs.   In other words, if deep down, you don't believe you can accomplish amazing things, you will never try. You will live a mediocre life. You'll dumb yourself down. I know you are more than that. I believe that -- no matter the obstacles -- you can do and be anything you decide on. So long as you believe it. It's 2024....

Being in relationships with people you love - or even like -- disappointment is bound to happen every now and then. It's just part of being human.  After alienation happens, we often clutch tightly to those who stuck around; we tend to expect more from them (after all, they're aware of the hell we've been through). Oftentimes, we develop a ruleset for how they should (and shouldn't) behave.. The t...

I should be further along by now. It's too late. I'm too old. I missed my window. It's not happening fast enough. After alienation happened, each of those phrases played on a daily rotation in the jukebox of my brain. I never understood how people could get so much accomplished with such (seemingly) little effort. To me, it seemed like all I did was spin my tires in dirt... burning wha...

What would change in your life if you weren’t afraid to have difficult conversations?  Getting along with someone in your life when they're not acting as they "should" is one of the most challenging issues we face around the holidays. Then, when we add alienation into the mix, the opportunities for conflict to arise seem to multiply. One of the main byproducts of conflict is negative...

In last week's episode I made a mistake. I referred to one of my thought choices as an "old resentment", suggesting that it's somewhat out of my control that I still lug it around with me today. But that's not how it actually is. And Than GOD for that. If we all had to reckon with the pain from our pasts by continuing to repeat the same old painful and wretched stories to our...

Change is inevitable. Right now, as you read this, the world around you is evolving. YOU are evolving. We all know this from an intellectual standpoint; but emotionally, we fight it tooth & nail. Change occurs when something makes it impossible for you to remain the same. Just as the caterpillar transforms into a butterfly, YOU, as an alienated parent, also go through your own metamorphosis......

I think one of my top pet peeves has to be when some person I dont know tells me:"smile! It can't be that bad!" You know what I'm talking about, right? I think the reason it annoys me so much is because that person is implying that a.) they know what's going on in my head and b.) that the absence of smile on my face is actually affecting them so much that they need me to fix...

As alienated parents, the emotions we experience are INTENSE. Over time, anger can be sewn into -- BAKED into -- the fabric of your being. It can begin to affect how you think, feel, and interact on default... down to your posture, facial expressions, and subconscious interpretations of your world around you. I used to think that when I had an intense emotion, that I had no control over how I reac...

I was thinking the other day about us (target parents), and about our children , for whom most of us would pledge both arms to have home again. Then it occurred to me.. "but I wonder how many parents feel ready to have them home?" ... "and I wonder how many of those parents have taken the steps necessary?" ... "or even know the steps to take?" Because, let me tell you...

Those of us who've experienced alienation are all pretty well-versed in both pain & suffering. The combination of the two is AGONY. The good news is, only ONE of these is necessary. IN this episode: - my thoughts on getting to "happy" - how we perpetuate our pain - dirty pain on top of clean pain - why it's so important to allow your base pain - 4 ways to eliminate - or at le...

This week makes ONE WHOLE YEAR for us! I say "us", because I really feel like you are part my team -- an integral part. This week's episode is dedicated to my top 10 favorite insights and most valuable lessons I've learned on this road to recovery. It's on the lengthier side, but as you'll hear, I had a lot going on for me personally this week. Enjoy. ✨ ASK ME ANYTHING!!...

Social Anxiety... it cripples many target parents of alienation. Throughout the year, I believe we kind of "manage" ourselves around it; however, once the holiday season rolls around, the influx of reminders can cause some of us to feel overwhelmed. The feelings show up in subtle ways at first, causing behaviors such as avoiding eye contact or limiting conversations, so as to protect us...

Decisions... they seem so damn difficult to make (after alienation happens). Especially when you're in an active state of worry about what might happen as a result of your choice. Your brain will keep you in a state of paralysis if you've been telling yourself things like: "last time I made a decision, it cost me....." "Any choice I make is going to backfire" "I sh...

I used to think that the activation of my stress response meant I was DOOMED. You hear about it on the news, on social media... Heck, even my therapist harped on me about the insidious effects prolonged stress can have on the brain and body - early onset cognitive decline, cancers High BP, premature aging, depression, blah blah.. 😵‍💫 SHEESH. I mean, the stress ABOUT my stress often bugged me mor...

Did you know that you were MADE for THIS CHALLENGE of alienation? Believe it or not, you already came equipped with everything you need to move through this (AND THEN SOME!!). Not everybody can boast this. And ya... you may chuckle -- even scoff -- at my glass-half-full perspective on the otherwise grim, depleting, and ugly predicament you've found yourself in... But I've found that this outlook c...

Negative thought loops.  Ohhh the time that we spend here.  It’s a predicament that we, as parents experiencing alienation, seem to be especially prone to.  The psychological environment almost seems to set up for it. Target parents can feel singled out — isolated, persecuted, unsafe.  Our hyper vigilance causes our survival brain to run and RErun possible scenarios, scanning for danger.   Unless...