Beat Motel Zine

What do a 13-year-old Phil Collins, a violent music manager dangling people off balconies, and a psychedelic album packaged in a tobacco tin have in common? They are all part of the completely unhinged history of The Small Faces. In this episode of Beat Motel, Andrew and Gimby (yes, he's back) dig into the story of Steve Marriott—arguably the greatest white soul singer the UK ever produced—and how...

Did the ancient Egyptians have B major, or were they just really into papyrus condoms? This week, Andrew and his resident logic-botherer Sam attempt to dissect the musical history of ancient Egypt, mostly concluding that three thousand years of history can't quite be summed up by Bruce Dickinson or an overly loud 90s metal kick drum. Expect a completely uncalled-for bass-tuning intermission, a dee...

In a desperate bid to look like we know what we are talking about, we have overhauled the format. This week, Andrew drags a bewildered Dr. Sam through 1980s Liverpool to discuss why a three time Oscar winner spent his youth hiding in a camouflage suit. We are diving deep into: The Scouse Trinity : Exploring the "Crucial Three". Julian Cope's Fear of the Floor : Why he performed on step ladders bec...

Viking metal is a sad parody of music. Or at least, that's how Andrew starts this episode before Sam drags him through a hedge of historical facts. In a bold new format where one of us actually prepares and the other just reacts with increasing confusion, Dr. Sam (our resident academic-lite) guides us through the reality of Viking influence on music. We cover why Wagner is responsible for the horn...

Show Notes Right, here we go. In this episode, Andrew and Dr. Sam tackle 'Foreign Music'—which is basically just a fancy way of saying 'songs where we don't understand the words'. We kick things off with an enormous tube of lube and some fizzy water that's apparently trying to destroy Andrew's teeth. The lads dive into the archives to discuss why the British are so terrified of music that isn't in...

Look, we tried to have a sophisticated chat about interwar music (the stuff between the two big global scraps) but obviously, it devolved into a conversation about penis tattoos and whether or not Reddit is a valid academic source. Dr. Sam brings the "knowledge" (mostly from books he is actually holding, for once), and Andrew tries to figure out how to eat a Scotch egg without a plate while ponder...

This is it. The big one. Episode 161. A milestone nobody asked for and even fewer likely wanted. It's the "Ego-death indulgent Spectacular Special," which is basically a fancy way of saying Andrew and Dr. Sam have finally disappeared up their own backsides to look at the wreckage of the last 160 episodes. Expect a lot of self-congratulatory stats, clips of the pair sounding like absolute melts, an...

In this episode of Beat Motel, Andrew is joined by Tom Klute, a man who has spent 25 years running the Commercial Suicide label and presumably even longer trying to figure out how to stop CDRs from rotting into useless plastic coasters. The pair embark on a quest to identify the 'Great Basslines of Our Time', a journey that takes them from the bowel-ripping valve amps of the 70s to the distorted s...

Look, we've all been there. You go to a gig at a university campus that looks like a concrete fever dream from A Clockwork Orange , you feel ancient because the students are all drinking a gallon of water from Stanley cups instead of proper ale, and then you have to question your own bowel integrity because someone in the crowd is weaponising their flatulence. This week, Andrew and Dr. Sam dive in...

In this episode, Andrew and Dr Sam attempt to justify their existence as middle-aged men with a music podcast by discussing the "sheer fucking arrogance" of music journalism. Between reenacting being a hydroelectric dam and discussing the logistics of dressing up like a facade of the Pentagon, they actually manage to talk about some records. Expect a deep dive into the dry drum sounds of early Fai...

In this episode, Andrew and Dr Sam tackle the high-brow topic of Autumn, which mostly involves Sam moaning about how grey Finland is and Andrew recounting the time he kicked a pile of dog muck while trying to be whimsical. We also dive deep into the world of Roy Orbison, specifically his secret life as a competitive remote-control car enthusiast and how he basically wore the same pair of filthy gl...

In this episode of Beat Motel, Andrew and Dr. Sam attempt to discuss "Great Songs with Questionable Lyrics" but mostly end up talking about accidental calls to the emergency services and the thermal advantages of having an itchy jumper for a face. We dive into the grottier side of grindcore with Edinburgh's CHOU, wonder why Wolf Alice has a drummer singing in a thicket, and Dr. Sam tries to justif...

In what can only be described as a new low for the Beat Motel, Andrew and Dr. Sam dive headfirst into a theme so thin you can practically see through it: Water. What starts with Jackie Chan karate-chopping peanut packets somehow devolves into a harrowing discussion about men who refuse to wipe their backsides because it's "too gay," and the pungent aroma of a father's "beefy" morning ritual. Music...

We've got Drew Ailes (aka David Lunch, aka Egg Norton) from Minneapolis punk outfit Citric Dummies. We spend a suspicious amount of time talking about the horrors of SEO and marketing because, apparently, being a punk doesn't pay for the artisanal bread anymore. Drew explains how his background in "mucking about with systems" on the internet led to a career in corporate consulting, and why having...

We're back, and frankly, if you've stuck around this long, you only have yourself to blame. After our first-ever break, Andrew and Dr. Sam return to discuss why cats don't actually like dope beats, despite what Aaliyah told us in 2000, and why fireworks and techno are a bad mix for pets. In this episode, we dive into the legendary Eric B. & Rakim, Japanese garage rock icons Thee Michelle Gun Eleph...

If you've ever wondered why some bassists look like they're having a conversation with a ghost or why your favorite punk record sounds like it was recorded in a cupboard, Mike Watt is here to explain it all. We sat down with the Minutemen and Stooges legend to talk about everything from the physics of why playing too many notes makes you "smaller" to the absolute bigotry drummers face in the indus...

Welcome to a truly unhinged episode, where Andrew's cold-ridden brain meets Sam's particular brand of chaos. This week, we're diving into Musicians in Odd Places—which, let's be honest, is mostly an excuse for us to get wildly off-topic and fact-check things on the fly (and usually get them wrong). Andrew even managed to misspell the theme title on his notes. We kick off by debating the horrors of...

Congratulations, we've actually made it to episode 150—time to lower the bar even further. Andrew and Dr Sam reluctantly delve into the world of sport, finding the few tracks they can tolerate that actually cover the theme. Before they get there, they waste a solid half hour arguing about: * The proper spelling of Lemmy from Motorhead's surname. * A bizarre 1994 scuffle involving Neil Diamond and...

Who says taste can't evolve? This week, Andrew and Dr Sam go on a full-blown U-turn, confessing their love for bands they once treated with the kind of disdain normally reserved for traffic wardens and warm lager. Expect shocking revelations: Bonnie Tyler's absurdly overproduced 80s epic is now basically gospel. Cradle of Filth? Once unlistenable black metal, now "charmingly chaotic". The Beastie...

In this week's episode of Beat Motel, Andrew and Dr Sam dig deep into the muddy puddle of nostalgia. We've got: Lycra-based band trauma John Barnes rapping about... something An important public health warning about Coco Pops Dead Kennedys covered in Parisian jazz cafés A little gig promotion wrapped in existential dread The legacy of punk, rewritten by whoever was shouting loudest in 1978 We also...

Ever bought an album just because you should love it... only to file it under "respect, but no thanks"? This week, Andrew Culture and Dr. Sam go full chin-strokey and dive deep into the bands, albums, and entire genres that make them go, "I get it. I just don't want it." We're talking Flux of Pink Indians' sonic assaults, John Zorn's sex-jazz chaos, Minutemen's minute-long jazz-punk spasms, and ye...

In this episode, we dive into the slightly baffling and often hilarious world of musicians turning up in films that have absolutely nothing to do with their own music . Some do it well. Some… should've just stayed on stage. From Joe Strummer's pigeon-themed songwriting to Damon Albarn's dodgy gangster role , we shine a flashlight on cinema's most unexpected rock star cameos. Expect righteous rambl...

What do stoner-era ZZ Top, a mountain named Billy with a tree girlfriend, and a kid who astral projects into Rasputin's beard all have in common? Concept albums, mate. And not just any old proggy b*llocks – this week we're diving into the oddest concept albums we could find (and a few we just wanted to waffle on about anyway). Andrew is joined by first-time Beat Motel guest host James Kindred – a...

If you've ever flipped a vinyl and thought, "well that was a limp finish," then this episode is your new religion. Andrew and Dr. Sam dive into the fine art of ending Side A —the lost craft of crafting a sonic cliffhanger that makes you want to flip that record like your nan flips a Digestive into her cuppa. We've got: The Clash's perfectly measured chaos An R.E.M. song even the R.E.M. boys can't...