Bare Marriage

Send us Fan Mail One of the most frequent questions I’ve had since The Great Sex Rescue was published has been: “Have any of the authors responded to your critiques?” People want to know–has anyone owned their mistakes and made changes? And the quick answer is no.  I wanted to have a central place where I can show you what the authors who HAVE said something have said.  And I need to say something...

Send us Fan Mail We’ve got some wonderful inspiring stories to share with you today–plus a new research study with implications for dating.  Today Rebecca and I tell you about two modern day heroes, plus two young women using the gifts God gave them to try to change their world! Then we analyze that Psychology Today article we told you about–the rise of lonely, single men. Listen in! Links to thin...

Send us Fan Mail Time for another hero of the faith! Well, three, actually! This month we’re telling amazing stories of women that God used in history to fight against injustice and show that God values women. This week Kristin Kobes Du Mez, the author of Jesus and John Wayne, joins us to talk about her biography of Katharine Bushnell. Links to things mentioned: The New Gospel for Women: Katharine...

Send us Fan Mail Have you ever heard the name Josephine Butler? If you were alive in London in 1880 you likely would have. In her time, she was as well-known as Florence Nightingale, but history has largely forgotten her. Joanna and I sat down and read Josephine Butler: Patron Saint of Prostitutes, and discussed it today! Links to things mentioned: Josephine Butler, Patron Saint of Prostitutes (it...

Send us Fan Mail What if your wife has been taught toxic things about sex–and you don’t even realize it? Links to things mentioned: The Great Sex Rescue: Our new book, that looks at how harmful some of these messages have been Support our research by joining our Patreon group! Even for as  little as $5 or $8 a month! Our "Do All Men Struggle with Lust" podcast Our open letter to Focus on...

Send us Fan Mail Links to things mentioned: Andrew Bauman: https://andrewjbauman.com/ And his book The Sexually Healthy Man: https://amzn.to/3p4JmyF Benjamin Young's Twitter Thread: https://twitter.com/BJYoung1990/status/1353521004073652224 Benjamin Young's ministry Guard the Gift: https://guardthegift.com/ The Great Sex Rescue: https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/great-sex-rescue/ Our Prev...

Send us Fan Mail Links to things mentioned: The Blog: https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com 4 Stages of Porn Recovery: https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2020/04/4-stages-of-porn-recovery-what-porn-recovery-in-marriage-looks-like/  The Bell-curve Modesty Rule: https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2019/03/new-look-at-christian-modesty-guidelines/ The Whole Story: https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/the-whole-sto...

Send us Fan Mail Unconditional respect isn’t a thing. And yet we’re often told that men need unconditional respect, just like women need unconditional love. Links to things mentioned:  Follow Sheila on Instagram: @sheilagregoire  Dr. Cynthia Long Westfall Paul and Gender: Reclaiming the Apostle's Vision for Men and Women in Christ The Great Sex Rescue Psychology Today article  To Support Us: ...

Send us Fan Mail We wrap up what can cause women’s libidos to plummet–and what men can do about it! Because it isn’t always men’s fault (in fact, it’s often not). But guys can still be a big part of the solution. And if libido differences are a huge issue in your marriage, it doesn’t mean that there’s nothing that can be done. Asking the hard questions can really help! Links to things Mentioned in...

Send us Fan Mail Recently John Piper had a podcast telling a woman how to deal with a “harsh” husband. It was atrocious advice–especially since women in emotionally abusive relationships would listen to this advice and think that it pertained to them (since most women in abusive relationships would describe their husbands as harsh). Links to things mentioned: John Piper article on harsh husbands O...

Send us Fan Mail Let’s face the fact that fundamentalist Christianity in North America is basically a sex cult. That’s Alyssa Wakefield’s conclusion in Part 2 of her story on the Bare Marriage podcast! Links to things mentioned: Part 1 of Alyssa's story Wendy Snyder's FREE Parenting Workshop Registration TraumaMAMAS app Sarah McDugal: Instagram Facebook Natalie Hoffman's book Is It...

Send us Fan Mail What if you grow up in what you now call a sex cult, and you marry because your dad told you to? Did you really consent to that marriage? And how does it even happen in North America today that girls are being pushed into arranged marriages? Today's podcast sounds more like one of those True Crime documentaries. Links to things mentioned: Our podcast on the Gothard movement w...

Send us Fan Mail Have we made sex–and marriage–into a “Yes Space” for men? And if so, how does this affect libido? Links to things mentioned: The Orgasm Course Podcast where we talked about postpartum sex Review of Married Sex Mental Load Podcast To Support Us:  Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initi...

Send us Fan Mail Can we have a nuanced discussion about porn and the likelihood of recovery? One of our goals for what we do is to help people have “informed consent”–in other words, before they make a decision, they need to know all the facts. We can’t be afraid of data and evidence. Links to things mentioned: Find Sarah! Trauma Mamas App Sarah's full Noticing vs. Lusting video Knix in the U...

Send us Fan Mail How do our attachment styles–or love styles–affect our marriage? So often we think that our marriage problems are about communication, or habits, or normal conflicts. But what if they’re rooted in how we learned to connect with people? Links to things mentioned:  Yerkovich's Website How We Love The Orgasm Course Our Post on the 5 Love Styles Knix in the U.S. Knix in Canada Th...

Send us Fan Mail What if discipline and spanking aren’t synonyms? What if there was a much more effective way of disciplining your kids where you connect with their heart and it actually BUILDS your relationship? Links to things mentioned: Fresh Start Family Podcast Episode 122 Episode 123 Wendy's site Discipline Class Strong Willed Kids help Logical Discipline Planning Guide Jesus the Gentle...

Send us Fan Mail In the last of our three podcasts with Joanna where we talk stats, we tackle a few more ways that research is often handled poorly, using the research around spanking as one example. And then we bring on Wendy Snyder from Fresh Start Families to talk about how to use discipline that connects with your child! Links to things mentioned: Find Wendy ! Our articles on Spanking Babies a...

Send us Fan Mail Attachment research is the science of how we relate to others. We can all have different attachment styles, based on whether we’ve got insecure attachment or secure attachment with our primary caregivers or loved ones (or even God!) Links to things mentioned: Knix in the U.S. Knix in Canada The Great Sex Rescue Attachment Theory in Religion, Current Opinions in Psychology (2021) T...

Send us Fan Mail Last month Josh Howerton, lead pastor at Lakepointe Church in Dallas, wrote a Twitter thread sharing research with 5 reasons Christians are doing better than the media gives us credit for. Matt Chandler, head of The Acts29 Network and lead pastor at The Village Church, retweeted it. The problem? The research he uses doesn’t say what he says it says. Links to things mentioned: Josh...

Send us Fan Mail We misunderstand women in the Bible–and we misunderstand gender aspects of research! Links to things mentioned: Mary DeMuth The Most Misunderstood Women of the Bible Our podcast on the problems with the original Love & Respect question: The podcast with the problems with For Young Women Only’s question on 82% of boys going too far, and our post fixing that question The Podcast...

Send us Fan Mail Today Emily Elizabeth Anderson from Thriving Forward joins us to tell her story, and to tell what she’s passionate about now. And especially how she found the actual Jesus after she left what she now sees as a cult. Links to things mentioned: Emily's blog Thriving Forward Emily on Facebook Stories about the lawsuit against Bill Gothard: New charges allege religious leader, wh...

Send us Fan Mail We talked about the findings from our survey, as described in this post last week on how many Christian guys are sexually safe. Links to things mentioned: Keith's post The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex  To Support Us:  Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support...

Send us Fan Mail Rebecca noticed that in Focus on the Family’s PluggedIn movie review for Turning Red, they had put references to menstruation under “sexual content”, including cramps and pads. And they warned that some people may hear an “echo of menstruation” in the title of the film. Links to things mentioned: Side by side screenshot of original review and edited review Current review of Turnin...

Send us Fan Mail We saved some of our most important findings from our men’s survey for this special podcast! Andrew Bauman, a licensed counselor and author of the new book How Not to Be an *ss, and Carl Thomas, who runs xxxchurch.com, come on to talk about our new stats. And then Keith and I tackled two reader questions about libido issues! Links to things mentioned: The Good Guy's Guide to...

Send us Fan Mail Does waiting for marriage really guarantee a great sex life? Sheila, Rebecca, and Keith weigh in on this week's podcast! Links to things mentioned: Our patreon! Suport us for as little as $5 a month and get access to our exclusive Facebook Group The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex and the all new Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex The podcast on the Sexual Response Cycle...