Backwater Bastards: An Actual Play Podcast

The gang meets up with Herry- but he’s already up to his old man antics. Will his actions slow the party down? Or has he got a plan so crazy that it just might work? Tune in to find out.. - Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master Richard Kimber-Bell Cleo deCap -- Taylor van Biljon Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra - Daniel Matthews Herodotus Arthurion Mendleroth III - Even Mehl Amundsen Episode ar...

Armed with their new knowledge and their trusty team- Cleo and Dr. Ze head back to the scene of the crime(s) to collect their booty. (Or lose it, depends on where the police and the chefs are.) They have finally made it to the swimming- and the treasures shrouded within. Gather 'round the aluminum pool locker to find out! And pray, that our heroes spirit the seed to space fast enough. - Starring:...

The hunt for Herry continues, as our Bastards slowly uncover the laundry list of things they did while in the thrall of the DRINK. Climb aboard as they run from angry chefs, hack into a stoplight, recover yet another lost friend, and speed through the vast undercity of A6, New Terra. Everything's a clue when you're- Well, when you're anybody but The Bastards. - Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dunge...

Ever wake up from a bender in a slightly different state than when you... Well, than the last thing you remember. Join Cleo and Dr. Ze, in the clothes they didn't remember putting on, as they pull themselves from the mire of a big nite out™, and attempt to make sense of where they've been! Cause Herodotus and the money are missing, friends... And all that's left is haze, and Clan Zarg, in the blur...

Turns out, The Bastards and their new friends are big fans of hotels. They are not big fans, of paying, or answering the phone. Follow our crew through a maze of avoidance, as they sample the wares of their new hideout while the phone rings off the hook because WHO just charged 20 luxury suites to the Urthean Army??  Hurry up and slam that Sandean caviar, boys. We got some 'splainin to doooo. - St...

Dear Bastards, The advice show you never knew you needed. ...Or wanted. (Dear Bastards is an experimental sample segment! Join our team as their Orbital Refuse characters, as they answer questions that YOU sent in, advice column style.) - Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master Richard Kimber-Bell Cleo deCap -- Taylor van Biljon Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra - Daniel Matthews Episode art by Ta...

Our customs horror saga continues, with Cleo, Dr. Ze, and the nefarious nineteen of Clan Zarg stuck together in a line. Somewhere, beyond the pearly sterile gates of immigration- Herodotus waters himself liberally in an airport bar. A couple of forms and 436 lies later- our Bastards emerge! Nude, changed, and ready to DESCEND with horrible ferocity and lethal accuracy upon a sunlit morning bistro...

Our Bastards have made it across the universe, through multiple galaxies- past, out, and, through the clutches of multiple nefarious agents of doom- aaand straight into the actual fire of border control on the planet known as New Terra. Join our heroes on their most daring adventure yet- as they navigate the winding labyrinth of... IMMIGRATION. (Well, two-thirds of them at least. Herry's probably...

After a daring rescue by a mercenary guild- the Bastards board their ship and Herodotus makes a move! Taking down the enemy spacecraft as they negotiate a higher cut- ("negotiate" being a loosely used word) - The Bastards seal the synth factory, get paid big credits, and somehow end up with an armada and an army? Looks like it’s time for some R&R planetside! Where’s the nearest port again? - Starr...

Deep inside the synth body factory, the battle against the honey boy rages on- as a rogue AI takes its wild revenge on our humble travelers. Things start to look up as our team learns to assemble, with the help of Dr. Ze's shiny new body! However, that moment of camaraderie is not enough, and we soon find ourselves reminded why the doctor can never have nice things. - Starring: DM Dick Dynamite th...

Our intrepid explorers venture further into the labyrinthine belly of the body factory- hot on the trail of the... Honey. Well, partially. Dr. Ze is still tracking down his new kicks, and despite a few maps, warnings, and blinking red flags- It looks like our Bastards have chosen to jump in the deep end instead! With guests! Now, who could have seen that coming? - Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Du...

Our intrepid team has once again escaped the gaping maw of battle unscathed! Well- Except for Dr. Ze who has lost most of his mechanical body! So, somewhat scathed! Dr. Ze, bravely existing in a... bag of sorts, is ready for a new vessel. And so into synth space, our Bastards go. Home to the highest echelon of synthetic technology and crafting, this should be as easy as stopping station-side to bu...

This is a story of endings. The ending of the saga of the jelly people and their expensive guano problem. The ending of a great aerial assault! And the ending, of a passionate, sordid affair between lovers. Also the end of a nice cushy future of profiting off of the jelly waste, due to a few of those prior endings. Ah well. At least we got some live cargo out of it! Load up the ship and yeehaw us...

Part 3 of the Cleo and Dr. Ze friendship origin saga! Turns out, the Prison King and his crew weren’t the only obstacles in between Dr. Ze, Cleo, and those ships. Looks like the guards want to pull up a chair as well. Will Spines get to keep the mech? Will Cleo get her loot back from the cavernous intake room? ...Did they think about the massive bottleneck that’s going to form when every criminal...

Part 2 of the Cleo and Dr. Ze friendship origin saga! The Prison King and his weird little army are the only things standing in between Dr. Ze and Cleo’s big escape! The battle lines have been drawn, and our motley crew ventures forth with their improvised weapons. The Prison King’s crew is fierce- and there are only two ships docked. Cleo’s got valuable loot trapped in intake- and the synth chefs...

Part 1 of the Cleo and Dr. Ze friendship origin saga! Many years ago in a star system far, far, away- Dr. Ze met Cleo in a backspace high-security prison. Being individuals of such... High creative energy, it was clear that they could not stay interred for long. Zip up yer uniform jumpsuits, troublemakers, cause these criminals are planning a jailbreak- and they're taking as many empty brains alon...

We break your regular viewing for an urgent announcement. Eric Rhodes has been sighted! It really is imperative that we derail from the scheduled programming for just a moment, but this is an intergalactic news bulletin that you won't want to miss! - Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master Richard Kimber-Bell Herodotus Arthurion Mendleroth III -- Even Mehl Amundsen Cleo deCap -- Taylor van B...

Cleo is gonna blow some ship up! Ze is about to perform surgery, and Herodotus is caught staring at an old Lover. Our Bastards are in a pickle now, but this time they are fighting for the right reasons. Money and Lust! The aerial assault is underway! As usual, The Bastards have left themselves only moments to escape. But Herodotus has brokered his shiny new sand deal- Dr. Ze has found fellowship w...

Endeared to the Jelly people by Cleo's love of pterodactyls, The Bastards continue their diplomatic mission from Monty into the secret mountain lair. Touring through the complex labyrinth of the Jelly's home, and sifting through the psychic imagery of their culture (while Dr. Ze sagely blocks Herodotus' "psychic culture" from THEM)- The Bastards find themselves in a familiar pickle. Well grab yers...

Good ol' Herodotus is bringing home the bacon! Or... Well, he's got a guy for that. Herry's old brother-in-arms from his troopin' days has come calling - and he needs some muscle. Obviously, the Bastards are... A choice. And as per usual, they are in need of credits. Follow them on their journey to the planet Sand to meet Monty, and find out what exactly he needs them to do in these here iron hill...

It's been a long string of journeys- and our Bastards have earned a short rest to recap and catch up, both in-game and out. Want more content like this? Join the Patreon for more exclusive episodes and behind-the-scenes antics. (Including our FIRST complete DnD5e campaign RHALLORAN, and our second show, SIDEARM! A chat series, just like this!) - Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master Richar...

Continuing the two-part sci-fi CREEPSHOW of corporate decay and mysterious patrons. Guest DM Lucas Duff continues to lead The Bastards through the dark hallways of an abandoned factory, looking for.. A body? Hopefully they are the only ones looking.. - Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master Richard Kimber-Bell Cleo deCap -- Taylor van Biljon Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra - Daniel Matthews Fea...

Join us and DM Lucas from Ballad of the Seven Dice as we begin to trek into a dangerous abandoned research station to look for a body. It shouldn't be that hard, right? - Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master Richard Kimber-Bell Cleo deCap -- Taylor van Biljon Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra - Daniel Matthews Featuring Guest DM AND Sound Editing: Lucas Duff of Ballad of the Seven Dice Episode...

The PARTY RAGES ON with the third and final event in our birthday saga. The time of the laser tag and the bowling has passed. The carnage left in those great theatres of battle was only a shade of the struggle in this quest for the one warp coil. And now in this, the final hour- behind the pizza-slick shroud of RANGO™® the deceiver of Bengaman's- our fellowship gathers in the neon light of an arca...

The Birthdaying continues with PART TWO of the saga! Cleo, Dr. Ze, and their new compatriot "the man with no name" are reeling in tickets and getting close to not being invited back. They've bested the laser tag arena- and have moved on to BOWLING straight through the next wholesome alien family. When will it end? (Never. Birthday FOREVER. Get those tokens, kids. Daddy needs a new warp coil.)  (Yo...