Backwater Bastards: An Actual Play Podcast

Did somebody say... BIRTHDAY? Herodotus is busy bonding with the ovum - so Cleo and the Doctor are OUT! Join them as their ship breaks down at Bengaman's FamilyFun Milkshake and Mindgames Emporium - a battleground that one of our Bastards knows far too well... (Yo! Bastards! It was DM Dick Dynamite's™ ACTUAL REAL LIFE BIRTHDAY, so us Bastards put our magical friend rings together and summoned DM S...

After all that splittin', the party is back together! And now that we're all here, it's time for some classics. Cleo's nearly gone and blown herself up again, Herodotus is grandstanding in honor of his ovular son, and Dr. Ze is hiding in a hallway somewhere doing the real heavy lifting. You can expect a destroyed ship or two, some friendly fire, AND REESE'S SHINY NEW PAINT JOB! (Please remain seat...

The hunt for the egg continues as the Bastards "stealth" through the enemy base. In between the splitting of the party, the massive firefight, and all of the ...questionable choices- will the young ovum ever make its way back onto Reese? Will the Bastards get a chance to be a family again? Or will this rescue op end on the roof of this base- surrounded by enemy fire, as an escape ship hovers preca...

All of the Bastards and their newfound compatriots have gathered back at the ship and are about to set out on a... mission of stealth? Can they do it? Can they still the urge to yell an insult, toss a grenade, or, unsheath an energy blade? Either way, they're on the trail, deep into an enemy base- to retrieve their lost loot... - Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master Richard Kimber-Bell He...

Our intrepid collectors of crap, Cleo and Dr. Ze, continue buying up the station- while the ever noble Herodotus Arthurian Mendleroth the THIRD, gets a bit too saucy on wraith attention and.. And? Loses something of great import.. That's right, space cowboys. Hang up your shopping and pile into the rover, we may not know what's in it- but this split party has a heading, and it's OVULAR. - Starring...

IT'S TIME TO GO SHOPPING. The Bastards have warped on out to a busy little border town on the edge of synth space. Garcia Station, (named for our new Patron, Fernando Garcia!), is home to all manner of shady folk and obscure doings... And it is here that we make our scene, and set about emptying wallets. Or collecting ill-gotten goods, whatever. Every girl really should have a mobile turret gun, y...

WOOP WOOP that’s the sound of the... local synth authorities? The Bastards have made contact with Hans, are making contact with the unhappy locals- and are likely about to make contact with the armored, hulking command ship idling in the distance. Can our intrepid travelers survive another showdown before Reese falls to pieces? Better grab a turret while they’re still attached... - Starring: DM Di...

After a SECOND narrow station escape, our Bastards have finally dropped into contested space. Buckled in with their crate of credits, a mildly jostled but intact mystery charge, and a creaking but still cruising ship- things are looking promising, at long last. Except- a planetary body may be approaching in the front-illuminated by the faint glow of an enemy armada from behind, and the inscrutable...

Armed to the teeth after a quick getaway- egg and briefcase of credits in hand- the Bastards are set to warp! Ahem. However, it does appear that our intrepid pilot, Herodotus, has left some personal effects station side and needs to turn back. If y'all weren't strapped to your seats before, then you'd best cinch your corpse holsters while you can because we are TURNING THIS SHIP AROUND... As soon...

Our trio's subterranean adventure continues, as they barely escape a brush with fate, in the form of a mutated cavern beast. They quickly learn that not all tentacles are to be trusted! (But they can be blown off. Some laws are universal.) It turns out, that their hunt has been fruitful in more ways than one! They have located their mysterious flying quarry underneath the.. Trash pile... And shall...

The Bastards are now three, and they've got a job to do. Picked up by local kingpin D.E.E.T.Z.; Cleo, Dr. Ze, and Herodotus are headed into the bowels of Mid space to bring back a... Well, they didn't really read the manifest. But they'll know when they find it... Right? Jump down into this hole with our... Heroes... And find out if that smell is garbage or Cleo, what's just brushed up against Dr....

Our adventure begins. Our scene is the Midspace star station. A long-forgotten diplomatic hub torn between three warring empires. In a shady saloon, we meet an Ursine, a jellyfish in a bowl, and an aging imperialist downing drinks. They're offending synthetics, and badly negotiating the price of a scrap run for the local saloon kingpin's anonymous benefactor. Come see what they find in the bowels...

Ursine demolitions expert Cleo DeCap and the Robotic/aquatic Doctor Ze are in search of an easy payout on the hulking space station, Midspace. Located in the center of this galaxy, Midspace station is lawless, corrupt, dangerous, and... A great place to make a buck! It’s here that our Bastards dwell, in search of a big score... The Bastards are BACK, and officially in orbit! We know you’ve all had...

The Bastards are BACK, and officially in orbit! We know you’ve all had enough of being gravity-bound- so we’re kicking this joint for a new star system. Join the same motley crew for new stories, new characters, a brand new universe, and all-new game mechanics designed by our very own DM Dragon Daddy Dick Dynamite. So buckle your EVA suits to yer control decks- cause a bear and a jellyfish just la...