Babe Patrol

The Babefluencers are booked and busy, busybodies. Lauren bought a house in Kittery!! And Ash mostly just wants to lay down and sleep for a week straight. Lauren shares some gossip about a boat that ran aground in one of the recent storms, and the mateys who are suddenly nowhere to be found! Ash tells a couple of shorties from busybodies including a story about a bank robber in Portland (just let...

Lauren is a Master Food Preserver. And she says the McDonald's pickle is a perfect pickle, and everyone is in awe about it, honestly. Today, Lauren's long-time bud (and Ash's new bud), Monica Cohen, visits to talk about relationship cycles, falling in love, and receiving sweetness. Monica is a musician and a Mom and a darling and kind of a Babe Patrol big sister. And an Aries? Which is...

What day of the week is October? And have you ever tasted color? And does the calendar LOOK like anything when you imagine it? And if someone tells you to imagine an apple, do you see it? The Babes gab about synesthesia a bit on today's episode, and determine, pretty immediately, that October is Thursday. Lauren gossips about Willem Dafoe & Ash brings us a busybody-supplied story about nam...

Raise your hand if you know an armchair philosopher who word-clouds you with "deep" thoughts! We've all known one. Lauren found a couple on the apps recently, and results vary. This ep marks the Babes' first attempt at a distance recording, and it was a worthwhile experiment! Ash shares a gossip about Southern suburbia and a powerful HOA. And Lauren brings us back to the South Be...

Listen, Milo Ventimiglia is not 4'11", ok? The babes are joined today by producer, busybody, newspaper reader, and graduate student Steph George to talk about identity, crushes, and more. Have you ever had a crush that completely lobotomizes you and takes over your nervous system? Where do you feel a crush in your body? Have you ever actually dated someone you've had a completely brai...

Hop on the Hot Goss Express next stop Woo Town, Busybodies! This week the Babes bring you juice straight out of The Vatican (Ashley has been there), give you a glimpse into some troubles in Hall and Oates paradise, an update on our old pal Armie Hammer (who is still not Channing Potatum, but don't try to tell Lauren that), and bring you back to good 'ol seacoast for some dish on the local scene. A...

Thank you for GOSSIPING TO THE LIPS PHONE, busybodies, what a thrill. The Babes get their first Lips Phone local gossip tip in this episode & they squeal about it. Lauren gossips about a possible SWAMP MAN CONNECTION that is amazing and teaches Ash about "Lorem Ipsum." Ash gossips about Maine antifa & Blood Tribe & the Scold's Bridle. They break down their favorite Hallow...

Do you pronounce "misled" as "m-eye-zelled" or "mis-led"? And why does no one make 100-year birthday swag?? Ash & Lauren contemplate these questions along with one for the ages: "what would you wear to my wedding?" They gossip about South Berwick's upcoming traffic light plans, a high school ex conundrum, and Lauren tells a hilariously harrowing stor...

Grab your six pound dogs and your massage lotion, busybodies, because the Babes have the one, the only, the F*cking Mayor of Kittery on the mic today--Jacqueline Scott! Jaq joins Ash & Lauren to talk about dating all the same men, why the apps are a hellscape, and how to shoot your shot via email like a real Gen Xer. Content warning--they all tell their best stories of shitting themselves in t...

The Babes ARE BACK. We missed you, busybodies. Today Lauren shares with us why she lives by the coin, and dies by the coin, while Ash takes us on a history of dowsing & and shares an old dowsing romance. They tell some busybody date nightmare stories (thank you for sharing!), and a couple of dating nightmares of their own! Don't forget to damn the stream, busybodies! Tell us your small gos...

Hellllooo busybodies! Did you miss us as much as we missed you? We hope so, because starting next Tuesday we will be back with a whole new season of gossip, dating nightmares, and lovely lovely guests. Have gossip to share? Text or call the lips phone at 207-544-9108 Talk to us at babepatrolpod@gmail.com , follow us on Instagram & TikTok @babepatrolpod, and on Patreon at patreon.com/babepatrol...

HELLO SURPRISE. Do you miss us? We miss youuu. Steph & Ashley pop into your feeds to cleanse your timelines, prod you about our survey, and deliver a couple of tiny gossips! Our hiatus continues....but not for TOO much longer. Love you all & hope you're surviving & thriving! As always, tell us your small gossips or dating woes at babepatrolpod@gmail.com, follow us on Instagram &amp...

It's the finale of Season One, and Steph is here with us to close out our gossipy, juicy, manic first season! We love all of you for being such staunch fans and true tea-spillers over these 32 weeks!!! In this final ep, Ashley downloads the Nextdoor app and finds a local thread dedicated to whether or not we answer our doors, prompting Steph to enthusiastically explain, "I LOVE answering...

It's our penultimate, next-to-last season one episode, busybodies, and yes, we're gossiping about the orcas. Lauren does a deep dive (so to speak) about our fave aquatic communists. Did you know they're dolphins, not whales?? And Ashley continues with her fave rin tin tin chapeau discussions with an explainer about the David Grusch alien whistleblower claims. The babes discuss the impo...

It's tin hat time again on Babe Patrol! Ashley takes us through some of the many conspiracy theories surrounding the Denver Airport. It's a veritable "cornucopia of weird," especially the story of "Blucifer." And Lauren brings us a busybody-provided gossip about a lie taken to the grave!!! The Babes discuss the seasonality of dating--which season is your best season, an...

Today we've got a tale of George Clooney & double-sized raccoons. Lauren & Ashley discuss red and green flag pets when it comes to dating, they dip back into the Meyers-Briggs test, and Lauren begins her manifesto about the middle lane on the highway. Notable tangents include their absolute worst sunburns (including the ones they got together on a foggy morning), detailing their cars,...

What kind of animal would you want to be a zookeeper for? Lauren says capybaras. Ashley wants something slow and docile. Or a crocodile. Today on the pod, the babes gossip about Princess Anne's foiled kidnapping attempt in which they use the word "ALLEGEDLY" a lot, and Lauren brings Ashley some workplace drama from the ZOO. A quick correction: the royal insignia was only on ONE side...

First off, THE CALIFORNIA RAISINS ARE NOT ON THE BIG CHILL SOUNDTRACK. Ashley issues this formal apology. Otherwise, this episode is chock-a-block full of gossips, both local and national. The Coronation, the Meghan/Harry car chase, Taylor Swift's new rat boy boyfriend, a fire at the Days Inn in Kittery, the Elizabeth Holmes NYT profile, a SoBo parrot update, an "active glass situation&qu...

Who would you want to play you in the movie of your life? Lauren contemplates this question in today's episode. She also delivers a "flight of workplace gossips," at least one of which will nearly kill you. Cringe City, USA, Population: Us. Ashley shares two newsworthy gossips, including the NJ Pasta Incident, which many of you requested, and an orgasm at the opera house. They rant a...

WE MADE 25 EPISODES. This episode is loose, busybodies, so prepare for some tangents. But first, Ashley brings us a small gossip about a legacy chiropractor beauty queen. And Lauren tells us ALL about a sperm donor who can't stop donating in a story we've called "The Deported Inseminators." They view a pro-gun profile of a dude Lauren describes as "alt-right meets Morrissey,...

Lauren and Ashley are back to gossip (as usual), and this week Ashley is satiating her naked curiosity about Cedar Waters nudist park in Nottingham. Lauren brings us back to the South Berwick Facebook page for some hilarious updates--the stick section of the South Berwick dump is closed, by the way. They perform an impromptu play of some Tinder DMs, and Lauren has Ashley play a round of "Gues...

One of the hallmarks of local gossip is local politics, and today the babes are joined by local politico former Somersworth city councilor, Crystal Paradis! Lauren and Ashley have, respectively, referred to her as "our Amy Poehler" and "the Spiritual Mayor of Somersworth," and both monikers ring true. Crystal talks with the babes about her time in the Somersworth City Council,...

The babes pre-apologize for talking about sex books this week and the ensuing giggles. They ask the hard-hitting questions--WHO is going to write us the x-rated rom com of our dreams??? They gossip this week about another MLM workplace nightmare--what is UP with supplement MLMs, anyway? And Lauren brings you some steamy gossip about The Villages, the Shangri-La of retirement communities. Ashley sw...

"It's not gross, it's ROMANTIC." --overheard from a 10 year old at a birthday party Lauren went to this week. The Podmother--Babe Patrol's new rainbow sound board took her maiden voyage this week, and the Babes sound like VELVET LOVERS, so enjoy. They gossip about a busybody who sold some broccoli pills through an influencer/MLM situation and there is a cult tie-in!! They als...

Ready for a mob wedding, busybodies? This week Ashley tells a listener-supplied gossip about a mob wedding, and Lauren takes us to the collective dream realm for a surrealistic story involving a pig out of a Hell portal (it's not scary, don't worry). They recorded right after eating a massive diner breakfast, and as such, are fairly loopy, so buckle up. They discuss the intricacies of the...