Babe Patrol

HELLO PART DEUX. It is 2026 and we'd love to say new year, same sh!t, but we just captured a country's president. New year, new sh!t!! In this part two of two, we take on the Year of the Horse and its attending intricacies! First, we do a leeeetle tarot card reading for the Babe Patrol Collective! If you hate this, it is ok, we are never likely to do it again! After that, we move onto cons...

HELLO. Happiest Holidays to you, from us! We hope you are surviving the weird liminal space between Christmas & New Year's Eve. We decided to make a little Holiday Extravaganza two-parter to support you (and keep ourselves sane). We did zero editing, and we talked as much as we wanted to. In this first part, we gossip! If you've been wondering about the Great Kittery-York Land War, we...

We lost the plot for a second there, so this is LATE! But here is the FINALE! OK WE LOVE YOU BYE!

Steph drops by the studio (Ash's kitchen) for the penultimate episode of the season & shares a gossip about a battle over a stone bench. Lauren gossips about one million things too numerous to mention, but including beef between an erotica writer and Market Basket. And Ash tells a story about Goose on the Loose, a monitor lizard "gripping the community." Ash reads reviews of a jo...

One of the most critical things you can do when you are a middle school girl is to give your crush a code name. Hell, the Babes STILL do this. And in this episode, you'll hear multiple code names AND you can see diagrams of the code names on Instagram via a middle school note to Lauren. In this week's installment, Lauren gossips about the famous people who have apparently visited Maine thi...

Listen. The immortal words are, "If you want blood, you got it"--NOT "If you want blood, too bad, you already bought the tickets." The Babes gossip about the recent no-blood GWAR show at Hampton Beach, and some mild shit-talking about a random dude named Andre from Transylvania who won't stop bothering one of Ash's friends. Reviews are back this week, and who knew peopl...

If there's one true thing about this podcast, it's that we ride hard for Gordon Lightfoot. And today is no different. No further explanation on that. Ash brought two gossips related to signs. That you stick in the ground. Not the signs from the Universe. And Lauren brought a gossip from a 12-year-old who literally asked her, "So, have you heard the latest?" Little Babe in trainin...

HELLO. Surprise. We have returned for the fourth season of this nonsense!! Sorry we gave you little to no warning, but here we are. And we are giving you what so many of you requested--a public statement on the closing of Hearth. We give you a little update on what's been going on for the last year, and then we get RIGHT into it. We have two new segments--a local restaurant guess-who segment,...

Today the Babes cast pod with the boys of the Burst & Bloom Podcast--Dylan Metrano & Guy Capecelatro III--and it's a wild time! We miss you, we love you, and we hope you enjoy this weird & wooly crossover spectacular!! The Boys & the Babes listened to Burst & Bloom's 50th record label release, which is a cover album of songs written by bands on the label, covered by bands on th...

Where haaaas the season gone? The light has shifted, August slipped away like a moment in time, September's gold is here, and two of the Babes have returned to school. The Babes end the season in absolute style with Steph at Fun-o-Rama, playing games and winning prizes. They all visited The Goldenrod in York, Maine and got banana splits! Ash gossips about the passing of the subject of an impor...

Hello! Sorry for being a little late to the party this week, busybodies, but please enjoy this Substitute Teacher Variety Hour!! Lauren was sick and could not record, so Ash was lucky enough to have some last-minute help for this episode. Lindsey joined to talk about some dating horrors, and the lessons that she has learned from the hijinks and struggles of dating on the apps! You've been aski...

Listen, the Olympics are important for many reasons, but certainly at the top is whether or not Simone Biles is mad at Lauren. The Babes discuss a couple of important Olympics highlights including the French dong that put the *pole* in pole vault. They gossip about appropriate and inappropriate discussion topics the day after you have sex with someone for the first time, and the best headline you...

What weird thing do you watch on TV when you're staying in a hotel? For Lauren, it's Forensic Files. For Ash, it's Ancient Aliens (obviously). This week, the Babes gossip about a New Hampshire Supreme Court justice who was mysteriously placed on leave recently, and the wild Rhode Island dragonfly swarm of 2024. They chat about a Dover adventure, skee ball [the Amazon story is tragicall...

First off, Happy Birthday Lauren (a week ago, but whatev)!! The Babes crack into it today by chatting about elemental memories, and Ash cries over Lauren's blankie named "Cozy." Please harass Lauren into starting her spinoff, "Lauren's Fire Memories." They gossip about Jake Holmes, God's gift to jingle-writing, and go through a list of things found in the vag. This...

Let us all weep for the closing of Amazing [dot] net on our favorite road. We will, all of us, miss your weird purple facade and your vaguely threatening clientele. How shall we ever hold the Stoner to Boner 5K, now? In their sadness, the Babes gossip about the Madawaska McDonald's, bobcats, and a busybody's gossip about leaving a job you're deeply connected to. Ash and her bff, Abby,...

One look at YOU and I can't disguise my HUNGRY EYYEEEES. What is your fave track off of the Dirty Dancing soundtrack and why is this the soundtrack of crushes?!? And when will men start wearing high-waisted matador pants?? The Babes contemplate all of this and more this week. Lauren brings us multiple celebrity Maine gossips. And A CORRECTION: Neil Patrick Harris did not serve a cake made to r...

OK! It's finally JAWS week, and we're back on track. This week the Babes gossip about the Wonderful Pistachios company, a local jeweler coincidence, and a microcosm of Maine gossip trails. They taste-test orange vanilla seltzer, discuss the history of Pope Joan, and a bag of unlabeled mix cds makes an appearance at Ash's apartment. For the Summer Flick, Blisskel & Lebert watched 19...

What do you suppose happens at Adult's Night at StoryLand? We're hoping one of you lets us know. This week the Babes gossip about a possible scandal involving two wild endangered horses, and at the same time, only the second photo of Billy the Kid in existence shows up as well? Wild coincidence. They discuss gummy candy, an ice cream truck summer fling, and the stupidest squirrel in Kitter...

Quick correction & the movie to watch for next week!!

Honestly, can you think of anything dumber than paddleboarding down the middle of the Piscataqua River? With those currents?? This week the Babes consider the personalities of aliens, rather than just focusing on their bodies, for goodness sake. They gossip about the tree pollution that has united Camden, ME, and Portland's new restaurant gossip Instagram account: @spudleaks207. They share a b...

Sorry we made you wait, busybodies, but here we are!! This week: a Wheel of Fortune whoopsie-daisy. A brain worm. A Lady Gaga ice cream visit. A sinkhole. Bear & bobcats. An orca. A flamingo. A hummus cannon. 1993's Dazed & Confused. AND a giant ice cream hang sesh with two yentas for life: Peter Squires & Seth Gooby!! We discuss Gooby lore, Friendly's, soulmates, and Seth &amp...

HELLO WE MISSED YOU. The Babes have returned, and so have you! This season opens its hot little hands to summer with aplomb--lots of gossip, summer flings, summer movies, and ice cream. In today's episode, they discuss the summer joys of The Lost Boys (1987)--the scintillating summer vampire flick you know and love. Also, they gossip about Boston's famed Storrow Drive, a new cryptid, and s...

It's summer, and you know what that means. Time to wear white pants, eat ice cream, yearn after a summer fling, and listen to the sweet sounds of gossip on Babe Patrol Season Three.

Total eclipse of the BABES. It's the season two finale....finallllllyyyy. It's super late, but somehow, right on time. Did you see the eclipse, busybodies? Lauren & Ash both had bald eagle moments on the day of the eclipse, and Lauren was in the path of totalityyyyyy! For the finale, the Babes have a couple of gossips involving a voicemail left on the Lips Phone, a local business abrup...

Today the Babes, joined by the glorious Steph, gossip about York's Wild Kingdom (dubbed by a Redditor as "The Joe Exotic of the North"), a Berwick GHOST BUS, and Steph brings the Babes a morsel of one of their fave sub-genres: NEIGHBOR gossip. Some Bumble profiles take everyone on a downward spiral, prompting the question, "dudes, are you ok?" And Lauren brings a lovely ran...