B Movie Breakdown

Some movies are meant to left alone for all eternity, never to be seen by the human eye. One of those movies happens to be 1995’s Smoke ‘n’ Lightnin! This week DRC is on vacay, so Corey went out and recruited some fellow podcasters to take this journey into the bottom of B Movie Hell. From The T-Dawg Blizzlepops Comsey Stand Show, we have Timmy Blaze and Chris joining the podcast for an epic midwe...

Maybe it’s a B Movie, maybe it’s not, but either way we’re driving out to the boonies for a seat at the Double Deuce to watch 1989’s action classic Road House! Patrick Swayze goes crazy as the infamous “cooler” James Dalton when he’s hired to straighten out one of the most violent bars in ever down in Missouri. Dalton has an angsty and violent past he’d rather forget and put behind him. Unfortunat...

And KABOOM goes the dynamite! Terminator TSCC’s Thomas Dekker stars in indie director Gregg Araki’s 2010 apocalyptic/sexual awakening drama Kaboom. We’re joined again by guest star P-Lof for this polarizing presentation which left some of us cold – and one of us HOT!

Walk tall! Be proud! Become a Goomba! We’re joined by guests Nicky Tyranno and P-Lof this week as we steal Jerry O’Connell’s Sliders gizmo to travel to alternate universe Brooklyn to watch 1993’s Super Mario Bros. When Hollywood forces a beloved video game through their puerile reversioning filter, everybody loses.

Welcome to Zombieland! (Sort of.) We spend one last week in the awesome 80s with Treat Williams and Joe Piscopo in 1988’s ridiculous undead buddy cop movie Dead Heat. Roger Mortis has 12 hours to solve a murder… his OWN! Roger and his smartass partner Doug Bigelow don’t seem to mind seeing a dozen of their fellow cops getting gunned down by zombie jewel thieves, but when Roger himself ends up as o...

When Sly’s hat turns backwards, it’s clobberin’ time! We’ve arm wrestled our way back to 1987 to watch Sylvester Stallone’s hammy father/son bonding movie, Over the Top. Joined again by guest Nicky Tyranno, we dive into the cross country adventures of trucker/amateur arm wrestler Lincoln Hawk. After abandoning his son for never explained reasons, Hawk tries to force some bonding time with his now...

Things are about to get hairy for the Shaver family! Joining us for our bad puns this week is former guest Nicky Tyranno as we slog our way through 1989’s awful “comedy” with no idea what it wants to be, My Mom’s A Werewolf. Susan Blakely plays frustrated mom Leslie Shaver, whose family life is marred by a fat, lazy husband who ignores her both emotionally and sexually. When daddy dipshit blows of...

Is that a horse head bookend in your pocket, or are you just happy to see us? This week we’ve wood worked our way back to 1981 to watch one of the first (and possibly best) parodies of the slasher genre: Student Bodies. The students of Lamab High are some of the horniest film teens we’ve ever seen. Unfortunately for them, they’re all being stalked by a sexually frustrated serial killer with a feti...

Remember those corny beach party movies of the 60s? Well, we decided to go back to the 80s to see Frankie and Annette’s (or rather, “Annette’s Husband” and Annette’s) tongue-in-cheek homage to those saccharine little classics in 1987’s Back to the Beach. Having left their beach days behind some 20 years ago, everybody’s favorite couple has become quite the douchers: Frankie is a soulless wet blank...

Here comes the devil and four black stallions on my ass! This week we’ve slipped back to 1982 to check Scott Baio’s screwball Carrie-inspired comedy, Zapped! Before Charles got put in charge, Baio and Willie Aames starred in this precursor to Chronicle, about geeky teen Barney who gets telekinetic powers and flips out, using them to strip the whole town naked. Poor Barney.

When the goin’ gets tough, the tough get dancin’! This week we’ve gone back to 1984 to tangle with one of the most infamous bad sequels of all time, Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo. Considering that this sequel was made and released the same year as the original, it’s a wonder it didn’t turn out even worse than it did. Breakers Kelly, Ozone and Turbo (or, as I like to call them, Special K, Shabba-Do...

Get ready for hookers, softcore porn music and a sexy lady vampire. Is this the latest offering from Skin-emax’s ‘After Dark’ lineup? Nope, it’s a second season episode of 1996’s X-Files rip-off, Baywatch Nights! This sobering warning against the dangers of nighttime jogging has The Hoff and his gang on the trail of a hilariously obvious vampire seductress. One would think this murder case would b...

“Just close your eyes and take the money, okay?” were most likely the words LL Cool J actually advised to Chris Klein following their bending over to take this ass-ramming to their careers in 2002’s repulsive remake, Rollerball. You know you’re in for a bad time when you find out that one of the movie’s own stars slammed it while he was out promoting it. In the dystopian future of 2005, star athle...

Gather ‘round now everyone. It’s almost time for this week’s review of 1983’s cult classic Sleepaway Camp! We’d hate for you to miss out on this one – no, that wouldn’t do at all. Ah, low budget indie slasher flicks are a breath of fresh air among today’s Hollywood dreck. You see, at Camp Arawak, young men actually get to be MEN: pranking, swearing, shit talking and chasing girls instead of gettin...

Sorry we’re a day late this week – mama got sick in Biloxi. That and our time machine broke down on our way back from 1993 where we watched Jean-Claude Van Damme and John Woo’s American film debut: Hard Target. Cajun hobo/vigilante ex-Merchant Marine Van Damme decides to help Yancy Butler find and avenge her father in exchange for the $217 he needs to buy his way back into the Seaman’s Union. (No,...

ButterCreamers never say die, right boys? Oh wait, that was a different, much better movie than the one we watched this week – 1992’s The ButterCream Gang, from Christian-y production house Feature Films for Families. Triple F-Bomb Pictures here does for the gang membership problem what Fireproof did for marital strife, which is to say not very much. Pete, Scott, Lanny and Eldon are part of a smal...

We hope you like big fake boobies, because that’s about all Pamela Anderson brings to the table this week in 1996’s futuristic action romp Barb Wire. In the film that narrowly lost the Razzie Award for Worst Picture 1996, disenfranchised mercenary Barb “Wire” Kopetski tries to eke out a living in the embattled city of Steel Harbor. Barb’s world is one part Mad Max, one part Johnny Mnemonic, one pa...

Well, look what the rat puked up! Our teen/young adult nostalgia for WCW takes almost as many shots to the nuts as are delivered in this week’s pick, 2000’s comedy “classic,” Ready To Rumble! Gordie and Sean are two twenty-something losers who escape the drudgery of their job pumping port-a-potties by living vicariously through fictional wrestler Jimmy King. When their tickets to WCW’s “Monday Nig...

It takes a very special movie to weave rape, sexual torture, genital mutilation and infanticide into a light-hearted “family” comedy, and did we ever find one this week with 1991’s Meet the Applegates! We’re not sure if this is an example of militant environmentalism or a parody of the same, but this family of genocidal giant mantises masquerading as humans makes our past broken B movie families l...

join us this week as we witness true manly heroics with John Steele in 1987’s Steele Justice! The Karate Kid’s Martin Kove turns in a wonderfully wooden performance as the shellshocked Vietnam vet who gives no fucks about the laws of God or man, has a deadly pet snake named 3 Step and trains by doing squats with an unweighted broomstick. When John’s backstabbing nemesis from ‘Nam resurfaces and mu...

We’re warping back to 1997 with Lerigot’s magical key to fight alongside the Power Rangers in their second big screen adventure, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie. Joining us this week is our old podcasting partner in crime, Dino Punk Nicky Tyranno. This film was a disappointment to anyone with half a brain cell, as Power Rangers’ writers decided to take everything that worked in the first film and flu...

Well, to anybody that watched 1985’s The Rape of Richard Beck – we’re sorry. Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes the bear gives you shit dick. To call Richard Beck insensitive would be a massive understatement. A hardened homicide detective who acts like a TV cop and believes rape victims deserve their abuse, Beck’s callous release of a rape suspect ironically gets him reassigned to Seattle’...

Is YOUR marriage fireproof? We hope not, because we’d hate for anyone to have a relationship as dysfunctional and antagonistic as Kirk Cameron and Erin Bethea have in this Christian melodrama. This week we’re tackling 2008’s Fireproof, an indie morality tale that shows that you don’t have to have good acting, chemistry or a compelling romance to clean up at the box office – as long as you have a r...

This episode is brought to you by Cyagra™ – giving you that porn size & endurance you yearn for! This week we take a ride in a van with a stranger with 2012’s Creep Van, and the results are surprisingly okay. After failing as a male gigolo and a pizza delivery guy, happy-go-lucky loser Campbell gets a job at a car wash and tries to game his coworker Amy, who may or may not be a ball-busting bitch....

“What are we watching this week?” ROCKULA – WHO’S ASKIN’?! Due to Youtube being a dick, we’ve had to change this week’s selection to 1990’s musical(?) rock romance Rockula. While life may have given us lemons, we’re so glad it did, or we might not have managed to dig this gem out of the muck. Before Twilight took a big Mormon shit on the vampire genre, moviegoers were treated to this ridiculous su...