B Movie Breakdown

Because we couldn’t stay away from 1981, we’ve come back for The Pit’s heterosexual life partner, Bloody Birthday. Apparently we can add eclipses/weird planetary alignments to the ginger gene as causes for people to be born without souls. Diabolical Debbie, Creeper Curtis and Superfluous Steve cut a bloody swath through anybody in town who dares to cross them, get in their way or try to have sex....

Clap it, slap it and wrap it, this week we go back to school – WAY back to 1991 for our listener request of Ghoulies 3. Glazier College is a place of extremes, with every college movie character stereotype and then some, including Bonnie the golf cart, Jeremy the “goose stepping Hitler Youth” frat leader and Veronica, the chick who’d rather work out than bang, or work out while banging, or somethi...

“Well, if it isn’t clumsy-stupid!” Grab some Purity Bread, this week we’re heading back to 1981 to cover our listener request of The Pit. Our protagonist Jamie is a nice, if creepy, 12 year old boy whose sexual awakening and overall social life are crushed by the hordes of merciless haters in his life. When a hideous ginger girl, a blind old lady and the school librarian all team up to stalk his l...

Pop some No-Doz for this one – we go from best to worst in a single week! We’re dialing our time machine back to 1996 for the much-ado-about-nothing film Crossworlds. Ah, the 90s. It was a simpler time, as the horribly dated CG will show you. Plot and logic were also out the window, because when you have an artifact that lets you travel the multiverse, why NOT waste it dicking around in the desert...

What has two wheels and kills werewolves? We’ll give you three guesses. This week we were finally able to see a movie that we had been eagerly anticipating for nearly a year, and Ross Patterson’s FDR: American Badass did not disappoint. Get ready for Nazi werewolves, tasteless polio jokes and the Southern charm of Georgian Congressman Cleavon Buford. Oh, and titties! The pure ridiculousness of thi...

And we are BACK! After fighting our way through the Mayan Zombie Alien Apocalypse, we are here with our first episode of 2013! Though the immediate danger of the Mayans has passed, the darkness that spawned them remains. In this uncertain time, we can only count on ONE MAN to shine a light into these shadows; ONE MAN who is not afraid to face the armies of the night, the stuff of nightmares and th...

Having both recorded and written this prior to the Mayan Apocalypse, here’s hoping you and your loved ones are still alive and crouched in a ramshackle bunker somewhere. This week we journey back to the 80s, a time when children’s cartoons were far more plentiful, had actual stories,and every one of them, no matter how inappropriate they were for it, had to have their own Christmas special. Two ch...

Perfect for our own descent into the wilds, this week we journey to the podunk town of Snowmonton, Colorado with 1996’s Jack Frost. What happens when a convicted serial killer gets hit with magic acid and merges with the plentiful snow? We get a fun little black comedy with more camp than Anawanna, of course. Even before the arrival of a murderous snowman this town has issues, from the probable do...

As the world barrels toward its violent end next Friday, we decided to take our time machine back 30 years to a simpler time. A time when creature makeup and effects were delightfully simpler, a time when movie sidekicks didn’t have to make sense, and a time when you could reasonably expect to see some titties for your 9 dollars and 75 cents. Some movies are good, others are bad, but 1982’s Swamp...

Rev up your Death Machine, because by order of Lord Zirpola, you are sentenced to Deathsport. Ever wonder what a Michael Bay movie would’ve looked like back in the 70s? Me neither, but we found out anyway in this week’s selection, 1978’s Deathsport! In this dystopian gladiator romp, we come dangerously close to seeing David Carradine’s package as he runs around in his underwear killing people with...

Stop by the Manly Discount Centre and pick up some safety pads, cause we’re biking back to the 80s this week, with BMX Bandits! Long before Nicole Kidman was introduced to America and Tom Cruise, she Kidz Bopped it up in this 90 minute BMX commercial. In this poignant allegory of the dangers of teen drug dealing, Judy, PJ and Goose find a shady crate of souped-up “walkie-talkies” which they procee...

This week we return to Springwood, Indiana, home of ugly sweater enthusiast Freddy “Fred” Krueger. With the original movie’s protagonist Nancy MIA, Freddy sets his sights on new kid Jesse and his tight man cave (you know, his bedroom with the “NO CHICKS” sign on the door – it’s tight as hell). Jesse’s the consummate player: whether he’s getting pants-ed in gym class by his best friend, pounding fr...

Welcome to El Gato Grande, South America, where we take your dollars, your pesos, and your women! This week we follow the second(!) adventure of James Bond knockoff Duncan Jax in Order Of The Black Eagle, as he tries to join some G.I. Joe wannabes and take down a secret base of Neo Nazis with a giant laser and der frozen fuehrer. Honestly, how can Skyfall compete with a spy who escapes in a Da Vin...

Here’s your DAPH! You know, your Dose of Awesome Podcast Hilariousness. This week Corey and I (DRC) have stumbled onto one of the true gems in the B Movie genre – 1988’s Mac And Me. This amazingly awful film has surpassed Troll 2 (at least for us) for the title of Best Worst Movie. A blatant ripoff of E.T. with the most insultingly blatant product placement I’ve ever seen, this film is awesome for...

On this fine Halloween eve, Corey and I (DRC) review an interesting case study of infamous slasher Michael Myers. What happens when this legendary madman accomplishes all of his life’s goals, but gets pulled back into the game anyway? We get a movie about a guy who just wants to be left alone! Ol’ Mikey easily takes out the teenage trash, but hits a major snag when he takes on their leader – rappe...

We’re back for round two! What do trying to pick up chicks with ice cream, answering the door at midnight for a pizza you didn’t order and thoughtlessly approaching a murderous puppet show have in common? They’re all things you’d do if you were a total fucking brain donor, of course! This week Corey and I (DRC) welcome you to Crescent Cove, California – home of the world’s stupidest people ever. I...

Welcome to the first episode of our podcast B Movie Breakdown! Corey and I, DRC, will be reviewing, discussing and demolishing the best (and worst) films the low budget world has to offer. This week we take on a now-cult classic, 1990’s Troll 2. Completely unrelated to its predecessor, Troll 2 is the story of a group of baller-ass bros out to fuck bitches and get money in the rural village of Nilb...