#AutisticAF Out Loud

I’m writing a memoir… out loud. Building a book. Fragment by fragment. Just like I lived it. I told a small, self-deprecating… white lie. To get out of committing to volunteering for a new project. My bad. You see? I had history with this person. Co-founder of an advocacy nonprofit. Small. Neurodivergency-affirming. Big ideas. Little organization. “I’m not sure I’m the right guy for your project....

A comet, a cult, an ice storm, a family dinner... and a disastrous drinking game. Winter, 1997-98. One autistic elder's truth about faith, control, and what it costs to survive your own family. ⚠️ Content note: offensive language, substance use, religious criticism, mental health themes, cult references. Strong feelings. A very personal truth you may not share. This is a hybrid spoken word piece —...

Still driven to matter. Desperately. Almost 73. And I can’t unwind… busted springs, broken dancer in a jewel box. This piece isn’t an answer. It’s an accusation. And underneath? A terrified question I can’t stop asking. Is listening more your thing? Hit the play icon ▶️ on the player above. Or pick your app: Apple , Spotify , Overcast , YouTube . {Music} Intro You're listening to AutisticAF Out Lo...

Note to long-time subscribers: You’re seeing this one again cuz I’ve given the original video a serious makeover. Then tucked it into a small archive of live spoken word pieces , for the newer folks these raw pieces brought to our strange little corner of the internet. _____ Someone wrote me: “These knocked me sideways… I spent so much time as an undiagnosed autistic girl, wondering if I was the a...

If you’re drawn to the raw experience born of neurodivergence, disability, trauma… or just honest storytelling that doesn’t sanitize the hard parts… Maybe this one’s for you. With full transcript, video, original artwork. Family leaves marks on you. Some visible, some not. Hell, just breathing-while-autistic… in the adult world… does a number. “Couldn’t you at least make it, Profano?” says my wife...

Intro Someone said an average writer “borrows.” The other kinds, both kinds... steal out right. Bowie, Robert Johnson, Marvin Gaye. I owe you guys one for this. Believe I’ll Ch-Ch-Change… My Shirt. Sunlight cracks my window, Gotta be midday. Kick myself a pathway Just to pee into the bowl. Like a peek into that deepest hole, Zombie in the Mirror won’t let me look away — Same filthy shirt as yester...

Full Spoken Word Transcript My time, it can’t be measured. Not a dimension. It’s a force. A violent force. every clock is a handgun pointed at my head III Every clock is a handgun pointed at my headEvery tick, tick… fucking tickTolling Fear, Doom… dreadClick. Slide. Cock… click. Every night a mantra echoes through my headTV static… a crazy-making humSinging Dream, Drempt… dead…Not done. Not done....

Intro My grandfather was a… complex man. He slept beside an orderly nightstand. Tucking Mein Kampf tight In its tidy drawer every night. And… He used to take me sailing. {Silence} Is listening more your thing? Hit the headphone icon 🎧 on the player at top. Or pick your app: Apple , Spotify , Overcast , YouTube . Content Note: This piece addresses troubling family history and inherited complexity....

Friends, Grief & Autism…? They say we have no feelings… They say autistics don't have emotions. Don't make friends.  Clue, I ain't Spock. This is "My Friend Billy." A spoken word piece about grief, friendship, and what they never tell you about our autistic hearts. From my Amazon chapbook "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head." 3 minutes that blast the myth that autistic people lack emotion...

Where does my autistic rage come from? Not from being born wrong. From being raised, schooled, mocked, trained, therapped, and medicated into it. This is about the source. The ones who created what they blamed us for. No apologies, no redemption arc—just the accusation. Content note: Strong language, family trauma, discussion of rage & medical consequences of the rage they told us to keep inside +...

A father’s reflection on parental regret, missed connections, and what it means to forget the life you didn’t live. Raw spoken word + visual art. No hidden meanings. No inspiration. Just what it’s like 👉More poetry: “Live Autistic Truth” playlist (link below) 👉 Full collection: “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head” (link below) 👉 Transcript: Link in comments Content note: Parental regre...

A spoken word piece about family wounds, estrangement, and choosing to live unapologetically. From Elvis dying on Mount Marcy to stalking Death Valley stars—this is what shameless looks like when you stop trying to be the son they ordered. 👉 Gift Season Special : “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head” https://a.co/d/3e0Uc7i Raw poetry & art exploring autistic innocence and experience. Perf...

Trump brings Gaza war crimes home to US autistics. Using starvation to subjugate people is a war crime, whether at the point of a gun or denying SNAP benefits. November 1st, SNAP halted. Healthcare funding threatened. Social Security could vanish, Trump warns. 42 million Americans face losing food assistance. Not someday—right now. A nation that uses starvation on its own civilians? I’m no lawyer,...

Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app. Show notes and transcript up tomorrow, 11/3. #AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. Click to receive new posts… free. To support my work, please consider a paid subscription. Notes, sources, and further reading not comprehensive or complete, but where I started International L...

My autism? Failing upward toward collapse, succeeding downward toward joy? What if you weren't born to produce anything? 👉 New Chapbook: "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head" → https://www.amazon.com/every-clock-handgun-pointed-head-ebook/dp/B0FNLHC6SY 👉 Start Here: Live Autistic Truth playlist → https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgBbPyJUGJw&list=PL_812RrZO_QWB-WHVZRBe-hjr37UNPxdb 👉 Full...

RFK Jr.’s autism claims aren’t about helping anyone—they’re about deciding who gets to exist in America. 👉 New Chapbook : “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head” - https://www.amazon.com/every-clock-handgun-pointed-head-ebook/dp/B0FNLHC6SY 👉 Start Here : Live Autistic Truth playlist 👉 Full Text & Sources : https://johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com Chapters: 0:00 Cold Open + Promise 0:45 RFK...

👉 Check out Trigger Warnings playlist More analysis on how world events impact neurodivergent lives and practical resistance strategies. I just saw Trump disbands Congress. For all intents and purposes, the US government isn’t just shut down—Trump has effectively rendered Congress useless and substituted his own personal will for governance. 00:00 Cold Open + Promise 00:25 “Disbands Congress” Now...

Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app. Trigger Warnings: Trump Disbands Congress Sources: Democracy Now! democracynow.org/2025/10/8/adel… “Scary Precedent”: GOP Blocks Rep.-Elect Adelita Grijalva from Taking Seat Amid Epstein Files Fight Representative-elect Adelita Grijalva, who won a special election for a House seat in Arizona two weeks ag...

👉A live reading from the Amazon book, “ every clock is a handgun pointed at my head .” What You’re About To Watch A quick, sharp destruction of the “autism as superpower” narrative that’s everywhere in neurodivergent spaces. No superpowers. No kryptonite. Just the messy, explosive, delightful reality of being autistic without the costume drama. These 60, live seconds cut through the inspiration p...

Intro But I ain't going to lie, this next one's rough and long and complex. Plain spoken in its own way, but complex. It may not need a TS Elliott-pretentious kind of footnote, but I try to intertwine family, control, and religion and very real events from my winter of '97-'98. And just for you youngsters... if there are some... I'll remind you that was when the Hale-Bopp comet was fading in north...

Content Note: Sexual abuse, family trauma, therapy processing, strong language, intense emotional content Video Summary This live piece cuts to the bone of what trauma recovery actually looks like. When your brain works differently. And your body never forgets. What happens when you finally see yourself clearly in a therapist's mirror? When rage becomes the only honest response to betrayal? When f...

👉 Subscribe… free or paid… to Substack , get a free PDF of the entire "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head" collection. 👉 Support my work → Available as Amazon ebook or softcover . Exclusive hardcover edition coming soon. Content Note: Strong language, neurodivergent struggles, communication barriers Video Summary A raw piece that captures what it feels like to be autistic and ADHD at 71...

Free Resources & Purchase Links 👉 Subscribe… free or paid… to Substack , geta free PDF of the entire "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head" collection. 👉 Support my work → Available as Amazon ebook or softcover . Exclusive hardcover edition coming soon. Content Note: Strong language, mental health struggles, time anxiety Video Summary A live piece that cracks open what it really feels lik...

Someone wrote me: "These knocked me sideways... I spent so much time as an undiagnosed autistic girl, wondering if I was the alien dropped among the normies." This is "A Swirl of Flesh-Colored Fog." Living truth. Autistic style. 👉 VIDEO: A Swirl of Flesh-Colored Fog - 6:01 I can't see faces. When I try to remember someone - even my wife - I see what I call "a swirl of flesh-colored fog." This pie...

Thanks to everyone who tuned in! Free or paid subscribers? Join me for my next live video in the app. Gonna be a Trigger Warnings kinda take on old men with their fingers on THE Button. This week… Here’s my speaking script from this live performance. Close to a transcript, but I changed a few lines on the fly… some even on purpose. Today I’m talking family, friends, love… not known as autistic “su...