Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens

When should parents limit - or even forbid - the use of TikTok? Dr. Lisa and Reena take a deep dive into the upsides and downsides of social media and how the norms kids encounter in online environments can influence real-world behavior. The conversation sheds light on the algorithms that drive social media, what parents need to be on the lookout for, when it's time to worry, and what parents shou...

Why do kids suddenly turn on friends and ice them out of a group? It’s something Dr. Lisa says she's been hearing about more often in recent months as kids need shared interests to hold their groups together, and that "social glue" was depleted by the pandemic. We take a look at how this negative behavior can emerge in friend groups and quickly become destructive. Reena asks if adults should call...

It’s easy to track kids using cell phone technology. But is it a good idea to do so? Today's technology allows us to know a lot more about our kids than our parents ever knew about us. While parents might track their teens for supervision and safety reasons, teens often long for more independence and privacy than tracking allows. Dr. Lisa explains why this tension is an expectable, healthy part of...

What are the signs of a gaming addiction? It’s easy in the summer to have lax rules and allow more gaming and screen time. But when does gaming cross the line into being too much? A mom writes in worried about her son who used gaming to connect with friends during the pandemic but now games alone while his friends spend time together in person. Dr. Lisa unpacks the research on gaming hazards and a...

Three time Olympian and Mom of three, Lauren Regula explains how we can all better manage the stresses of school sports. What do you really need to know when raising an athlete. I was surprised by the one question she asks her kids every night at the dinner table. We’ve started asking the same question in our home. We hope you’ll enjoy this encore presentation.  ________________ Ask Lisa: The Psyc...

How can we help our kids understand justice and fairness? Special Guest Preet Bharara, a former U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York, joins the Ask Lisa Podcast to discuss his children’s book, Justice Is… A Guide for Young Truth Seekers. Who are the history makers our children should know about? Dr. Lisa and Reena feel that there’s no better guest than Preet for this 4th of July enc...

What’s the right age to give a kid a smartphone? There’s no simple answer to this question, but guidelines we can bear in mind when kids - at increasingly young ages - ask for one. In this encore episode Dr. Lisa explains what to consider, and the conversations to have before and after you give your child a phone. ________________ Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens is the essential...

Schools out! Now what? Dr. Lisa and Reena take a look back at the highlights of Season Three - from key topics to informative guests to the launch of Lisa’s new book, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers. Their conversation covers what Lisa hopes parents will focus on now, the launch date for Season Four, and the upcoming episodes for the summer.  ________________ Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising T...

While summer is a great time to be more laid back, a parent writes in asking whether kids should really have less structure in the summer. Dr. Lisa and Reena talk through key questions parents face once the school year ends: What's a reasonable bedtime - and how much sleep should kids be getting? What's fair to expect in terms of chores? And how much time should kids spend with digital devices, es...

It can be hard to get your kids to be self-starters. How do we motivate kids to do the things they don't want to do? Dr. Lisa explains that there are times in parenting when offering encouragement and reminders just doesn't work. So can bribing your kids be a winning strategy for things like getting better grades? Dr. Lisa and Reena discuss motivation and rewards. What really works to get kids mot...

With online betting now legal in most states, sports coverage is increasingly saturated with commentary focussed on betting and ads for gambling apps. Teens are noticing - and some of them are getting in on the action. It's increasingly easy and common for teens to bet on sports and, at times, to lose large sums of money. Dr. Lisa and Reena address how teens find ways to place bets, why they want...

Why are kids mean to their siblings? Dr. Lisa unpacks the dynamics behind sibling conflict and takes us inside the mind of older siblings. The conversation addresses why the onset of puberty makes it hard for kids to control their emotions, gendered dynamics, and how to steer clear of shame when one child hurts another. Dr. Lisa offers guidance on what parents can do - both in the moment and after...

Why do young people engage in self-harm? A mother writes in asking for advice on how to respond when her daughter cuts herself. Dr. Lisa unpacks why adolescents sometimes hurt themselves to manage distress and Reena asks about the connection between self-harm and suicide. Using research as a guide, Dr. Lisa explains self-harm, how adults can respond helpfully, and what interventions to consider. ...

What’s the best way for parents to respond when their high school senior wants to spend every waking minute with friends? A mom writes in asking if it's okay to require her teen to spend time with the family before heading off to college. Dr. Lisa walks us through the complex psychological dynamics unfolding for high school seniors and their parents. Teens are often working to consolidate a new id...

When should parents limit - or even forbid - the use of TikTok? Dr. Lisa and Reena take a deep dive into the upsides and downsides of social media and how the norms kids encounter in online environments can influence real-world behavior. The conversation sheds light on the algorithms that drive social media, what parents need to be on the lookout for, when it's time to worry, and what parents shou...

Dr. Lisa and Reena welcome special guest Dr. Laurence Steinberg, Professor of Psychology at Temple University, to celebrate the publication of his latest book You And Your Adult Child: How To Grow Together In Challenging Times. Dr. Steinberg unpacks key research and decades of experience to answer questions from Ask Lisa listeners: How long should you financially support your kids? What if your pa...

Does it always make sense for students to enroll in college immediately after high school? Dr. Lisa and Reena discuss when and why parents might want to think seriously about having a teen take a gap year. They weigh the pros and cons of "stepping off the conveyor belt" to college and talk about how gap years are best spent. Reena shares her concern that allowing a gap year makes college less like...

From not getting into a desired college to not making a team - how do we help kids process unfairness? A dad writes in asking for help when his high school junior loses the National Honors Society presidency to a classmate known for online posts about drinking. Dr. Lisa and Reena discuss how to help kids come to terms with unfairness and privilege as they play out in school, sports, and leadership...

How do you know if your child has a gaming addiction? A mom writes in worried about her son who used gaming to connect with friends during the pandemic but now games alone while his friends spend time together in person. Dr. Lisa unpacks the research on gaming hazards and addiction, as well as some unexpected benefits of gaming. Reena gets answers to key questions: When is it time to worry that a...

Parents seeking professional support for their kids often run into a confusing array of therapies to choose from. In this episode, Dr. Lisa provides a neutral guide on the various options - DBT, CBT, talk therapy, somatic therapy, play therapy, and family therapy - and describes which options are the best fit for which concerns. From Freudian therapy to body-based treatments, Dr. Lisa and Reena gi...

What’s the difference between real and faux self-care? Dr. Pooja Lakshmin helps us rethink what it means to care for ourselves and answers listeners' questions related to her new book, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included). Dr. Lisa and Reena find out how to realistically manage life's pressures - from raising kids to m...

How should you respond when your kids are mean to you? What’s age appropriate behavior and what should not be tolerated? Dr. Lisa and Reena unpack why kids lash out and what’s behind the outbursts. How do you know when hormones are the cause or when it’s something else? Dr. Lisa has advice on how to create a safe space for kids at home that allows them to work through their frustrations but also t...

Preparing for life after high school is about more than just getting into college - it’s also about having the ability to operate independently. A parent writes in worried about a charming, but disorganized, son. Dr. Lisa explains what executive functioning skills are - and how to help kids build them. Dr. Lisa and Reena address what drives procrastination in kids, how adults can provide executive...

Dr. Lisa’s new book The Emotional Lives of Teenagers is officially out today in print and audio book.  In this episode Lisa and Reena discuss Lisa’s new book and the research behind it. Lisa explains why she felt passionate about writing the book, the strategies it offers parents for navigating the teen years, and how it will help parents know what's typical teen behavior and when it's time to wor...

Parents should view sexual development as a facet of overall healthy development, but that's not always easy to do. Dr. Lisa and Reena unpack the concept of “the sex talk" and Lisa explains that, instead of a single sit-down, conversations about physical intimacy should be short, start earlier than expected, and happen over time. Reena asks how parents can find openings to discuss sex when it can...