Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens

A mom writes in concerned about the fact that her 13-year-old son has developed an interest in bulking up. Though he's an active kid, he sees himself as "scrawny" and has decided to hit the weight room hard. When does a healthy interest in getting fit and building strength verge into unhealthy territory? Dr. Lisa and Reena answer this question and more as they dive into the research on boys and bo...

Special guest Dr. Aliza Pressman, developmental psychologist and podcast host, discusses her new book, "The Five Principles of Parenting," with Dr. Lisa and Reena. Dr. Pressman introduces five key components of helping children thrive: Relationship, Reflection, Regulation, Rules, and Repair. While there is no such thing as a perfect approach to parenting, Dr. Pressman explains why giving thought t...

It’s never easy to decide to end a marriage. Parents want to protect their kids as the divorce process unfolds and want to help them navigate changing family dynamics. Dr. Lisa discusses how kids process divorce at different ages and the importance of helping your children feel secure and loved while shielding them from conflict. Dr. Lisa and Reena also address how to help kids understand that the...

Parents often find themselves caught between frightening headlines about the dangers of social media and kids who want access to it. Dr. Lisa and Reena address a letter from a parent of three - ages 9, 12, and 14 - asking for guidance. Drawing on research findings and clinical experience, this episode covers when to consider allowing social media, sensible rules for responsible use, the role of ge...

Happy New Year! As we turn to making New Year’s resolutions, Dr. Lisa would like us to approach 2024 in a fresh way: instead of trying to “optimize” ourselves by making the most of every minute, she suggests that we focus on restoration. Why? Because the inevitable stress of daily life can actually help us grow if we get serious about how we recover. Dr. Lisa and Reena dive into why we need to pri...

Why are tweens and teens sometimes so cruel to their younger siblings? This is a common dynamic in family life, and one that can get worse over the holidays when siblings spend a lot of time together. Dr. Lisa takes us inside the adolescent brain and explains how the onset of puberty can make it hard for kids to control their emotions. She and Reena also address the place of gendered dynamics in s...

What can parents try when we can’t get our kids to do what we ask? Dr. Lisa and Reena unpack how to motivate kids without nagging or yelling and discuss when bribery might be an effective strategy to consider. Their conversation also answers several key questions: How do you respond to a kid who reflexively says “no” to everything you suggest? Is it okay to bribe kids to improve their grades? What...

When a teen tells us about a peer’s risky behavior, what’s the right thing to do? Should we keep our teen’s confidence, or should we alert the parents of the kid we are worried about? Dr. Lisa and Reena tackle a letter from a parent who has built a strong sense of trust with her teens and often hears about dangerous behavior - including substance use and worrisome sexual activity - happening in th...

Getting a lot of attention from girls might not seem like a problem. But a mother writes in asking Dr. Lisa for advice on how to deal with the fact that girls are fawning over her son who wants no part of it. He feels embarrassed by the attention and finds that ignoring it only seems to be making the situation worse. The boy’s father worries that his son might develop a reputation for being the “m...

Dr. Lisa and Reena tackle the nuances of ADHD: what to look for, when to be concerned, and the overlap between ADHD and executive functioning challenges. Dr. Lisa unpacks how, ideally, an ADHD diagnosis is made and the treatment options for kids and teenagers who receive the diagnosis. The conversation also answers some key questions about when medication should be considered, whether taking medic...

Sports is not just about the final score. It’s an opportunity for kids to grow, to learn how to improve their skills, and to be a good teammate. But athletics today can be incredibly competitive, aggressive, and emotionally intense. Dr. Lisa offers strategies for when kids lose their cool when things don’t go their way and explains how to help kids manage their reactions when they make mistakes. R...

Parents can feel worried when their teen first starts driving or riding around in friends’ cars. What can parents do to help teens stay safe behind the wheel? What rules should be put in place and how well do those rules work? Dr. Lisa and Reena answer these questions and more while also addressing graduated drivers’ license laws and the part they play in reducing accidents among young drivers. __...

Special guest professor Dr. Traci Baxley joins the Ask Lisa podcast. She is the author of Social Justice Parenting: How to Raise Compassionate, Anti-racist, Justice-minded Kids in an Unjust World. Dr. Baxley talks with Dr. Lisa and Reena about why it matters to raise caring, socially conscious kids - and how to do so. This episode unpacks the difference between compassion, empathy, and kindness an...

Parents can feel worried when their teen first starts driving or riding around in friends’ cars. What can parents do to help teens stay safe behind the wheel? What rules should be put in place and how well do those rules work? Dr. Lisa and Reena answer these questions and more while also addressing graduated drivers’ license laws and the part they play in reducing accidents among young drivers. __...

A parent writes in about a middle schooler's intense emotional swings which leave the parent feeling uncertain about how to respond. Dr. Lisa and Reena dive into the psychology of these rollercoaster emotions, discuss whether this behavior is typical at this age, and address how parents can strike the delicate balance of offering support without amplifying the mood swings. Dr. Lisa also explains h...

A mother writes in asking how to protect her teen from a controlling and degrading relationship. Dr. Lisa and Reena discuss the nature of unhealthy relationships and how and when adults should intervene. Reena asks how parents can recognize the early signs of a harmful connection. Lisa explains how thoughtful people can find themselves in bad relationships and why the stakes can be incredibly high...

So what’s really happening when kids go through puberty? Dr. Cara Natterson and Vanessa Bennett join the Ask Lisa podcast to talk about their new book This is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained. The conversation takes a deep dive into the research on puberty and tackles key questions: When does puberty start and end? Why do kids suddenly smell bad, and how do we help? What’s the best way to resp...

Parents who need to be out of town for the weekend worry their 16-year-old son will throw a party while they’re away. They want to trust him but can’t shake the feeling that something is brewing. What should parents know about leaving teens home alone? And when should they worry? Dr. Lisa explains the potential consequences of allowing teens to host parties. Reena asks if it’s safer to have teens...

Dr. Lisa and Reena tackle two letters about the challenges of parenting teens with chronic health conditions. The first letter centers on addressing a teen’s sense of feeling “different” and asks what parents can do to prevent social isolation. The second letter asks how parents and caregivers can stay out of a power struggle with a teen who may not be following doctor’s orders. Dr. Lisa and Reena...

A parent feels uncomfortable when her preteen daughter wears crop tops. She worries about the attention her daughter might receive, but also wonders if she's the one who's out of touch. Dr. Lisa and Reena address the complexities of setting boundaries around what kids wear and how to balance policing attire with allowing kids to express their own style. Reena asks what parents should do if they su...

What causes kids to struggle with perfectionism? Dr. Lisa explains why young people sometimes hold themselves to unsustainable standards and how adults can help them to set realistic goals. Reena asks how parents can counter the harmful self-talk that often accompanies perfectionism and when parents should worry that perfectionism could lead to depression. In an episode packed with practical strat...

A mother writes in about the fact that her teen son and his friends - who come from a mix of racial, religious, and socio-economic backgrounds - "jokingly" use slurs. Does she have the power to stop this? Dr. Lisa and Reena explore what's driving the rise in hateful language and what adults can do to address this hurtful behavior. Reena asks whether it's realistic for adults to think they can chan...

U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy visits the Ask Lisa Podcast to talk about the public health crisis you might not know about: loneliness. He joins co-hosts Dr. Lisa and Reena for a wide-ranging conversation on parenting, being a Dad, access to mental health services, the harms of social media, and what big tech companies can do to help protect our kids online. The episode ends with Dr. Murthy...

Season four of the Ask Lisa podcast kicks off with a special guest, author and journalist Jennifer Breheny Wallace, who discusses her brand new book: “Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic - And What We Can Do About It.” Dr. Lisa, Reena, and Jennie address how achievement pressure harms kids and what parents can do to combat grind culture. They unpack research from Harvard and the L...

Getting kids ready for the new school year can be a hard transition from summer. In this encore episode we look at helping teens manage their responsibilities during and after high school. Staying organized isn’t just about getting into college - it’s also about having the ability to operate independently. A parent writes in worried about a charming, but disorganized, son. Dr. Lisa explains what e...