As Long As I'm Living

Join us for part 2 of our interview with Dr. Denise Mandel about relationships after baby loss. Part 1 was released last week... Make sure you check that out first! She answers questions like: - How does grief affect intimacy and connection, both emotionally and physically? - Do men and women really grieve differently? - How do blame and guilt cause tension and resentment between parents, and is t...

We're back with our resident grief counselor, Dr. Denise Mandel for a very special Valentine's Day episode about relationships after baby loss. She answers questions like: - How does grief affect intimacy and connection, both emotionally and physically? - Do men and women really grieve differently? - How do blame and guilt cause tension and resentment between parents, and is there a health...

Do you want to know our opinions on the best time to try for a new baby after a loss? How to throw a dead baby birthday party? The best thing to say to avoid talking about your unconventional family at the dentist? Then listen to this episode! We cobbled together some rambling advice on some random topics for you... take it or leave it! (Seriously, please feel free to leave it and ignore us entire...

This week we are continuing our interview with Rochel, the bereaved aunt of sweet Sophie and psychiatric nurse practitioner. In this episode, we talk with Rochel about her other loss experiences (she's sadly an experienced griever) and how she uses writing and other modalities to integrate the losses into her life. We were caught off guard by how emotional this interview with Rochel was. Both...

In this episode, we interview Judith's friend Rochel about the complexities of grief, particularly the loss of her niece Sophie. Rochel shares how she continues to build on her relationship with Sophie even after her death, and the ways in which she continues to celebrate her life. You may remember Rochel from a post we shared on our stories a few weeks ago, part of which is shared below with...

So many of you have asked how Alina is doing with her pregnancy after loss (PAL), and the answer is she's awful! and joyful! And terrified! And in love! And exhausted! And many, many, many, many other things. Listen to this episode to hear allllllll about her PAL experience so far. Sending love and commiseration to all of our PAL moms (or soon-to-be PAL moms, or formerly PAL moms) out there. It's...

What does time even matter, when you've lost someone you love? And what does it matter, when you're WITH someone you love? A brief chat about Judith's (alive) baby son being "Aiden age" and the meaninglessness of time. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - Learning to Measure Time in Love and Loss , by Chris Huntington ::: Support As Long As I'm Living podcast at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠buymeacoffee.com/alailp...

It's our annual horoscope episode! Let's see what the stars have in store for us in 2025... We also talk about Alina's recent "spiritual" massage, and Judith's visit to her astrologer. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - ⁠⁠Happier New Year⁠⁠ : 2022's new year episode, where we talk 2021 and 2022 horoscopes - ⁠We Reject Our 2023 Horoscopes⁠ : 2023's new year episode, where we talk about our...

We're continuing our anniversary celebrations (belated! we got overwhelmed!) by hearing how YOUR lives have changed since you started listening to As Long As I'm Living. Thank you as always for being a part of this community. ::: Support As Long As I'm Living podcast at ⁠⁠⁠buymeacoffee.com/alailpodcast⁠⁠⁠ OR buy buying our MERCH at ⁠⁠⁠bonfire.com/store/alailpodcast⁠⁠⁠ ! ::: Follow As Long As I'm L...

Have you ever wondered why your hair fell out after your baby died? Or why your skin looks gray? Why you feel like grief physically aged you? It's because it DID... kind of. Physical appearance might seem like a silly thing to worry about after your baby dies, but not recognizing yourself in the mirror is horribly depressing. In this episode, we speak to board-certified dermatologist Dr. Lawrence...

It's Aiden's 4th birthday, and for the first time since he was born, Judith is planning to go to work on the day. It might not sound like a big deal to some (especially those of you who HAD to work on previous birthdays), but it feels like a big deal to us. There are not many things that we keep sacred in our grief, but the birthdays and death anniversaries have (so far) been two of them. Not so a...

We need a minute, post-election. We're going to take a couple of weeks off and re-group, but we'll be back soon with regular episodes! Xo, Judith and Alina ::: Support As Long As I'm Living podcast at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠buymeacoffee.com/alailpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ OR buy buying our MERCH at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠bonfire.com/store/alailpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ! ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@aslongasimlivingpodcast⁠...

It's our podcast anniversary! We're celebrating this year by taking a look back (well, listen back!) at old episodes and seeing how our lives have changed. We want to hear from YOU! How has your life changed since you started listening to the podcast? Send us a DM on Instagram, either using text if you want us to read your update, or a voice note if you want us to include your voice in the episode...

About a year ago, Judith and Alina joined Rob and Chris of the Sad Dads Club for a super fun and casual Instagram live! We talked about the legacy of our respective loss work (ALAIL and SDC), how our grief has changed over the years, finding a grief support tribe, and so much more. If you'd rather watch this Instagram live, you can do so HERE ! We'll be back with a regular episode next week! ::: T...

This week's episode was originally going to be about many things, but once we got started, we realized that there is one topic that we needed to talk about: abortion. We discuss the implications of restrictive abortion laws, the personal nature of abortion decisions, and the importance of voting to influence reproductive rights. We cannot emphasize enough the need for equitable access to this very...

Are we... happy? Welcome to our most recent life update, where we talk about how completely, permanently fucked up we are... and also how much joy we have in our lives in a way we haven't since Aiden and Quinn died. Both/and. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - ALAIL | Opening a Time Capsule (and the Instagram post where you can see Judith and Aiden at the coffee shop) - ALAIL | The One Wh...

Meet Marnina! Judith and Marnina have known each other for 15 years... but they didn't really know each other until they each lost a baby. Judith lost Aiden first, and when Marnina lost her daughter Michal the next year, Judith became a lifeline for her. This was incredibly meaningful for Judith, who had needed so much care and support from others over the previous year and finally got a chance to...

In case you missed it, Alina is pregnant ! And it's hard. She went on a vacation a few weeks ago and faced her first "pregnancy after loss" gauntlet of questions that were well-meaning but ultimately extremely triggering. Listen to find out how she dealt with it, and to hear what advice Judith has for her and others in similar situations. ::: This episode is sponsored in memory of baby Arthur! You...

Judith gave birth to her baby boy a few weeks ago, and while the birth was smooth... the subsequent hours and days were not. It was extremely traumatic for both Judith and Alina, who were acutely reminded that babies can and do die. Thankfully, Judith's son got great care and is alive and well, and they are adjusting to life at home as a family of 5ish (2 adults, 1 dead child, 2 living childre...

Yes, this is a pregnancy announcement ♥️ ::: Things we talk about in this episode: - ALAIL | Breathing After Loss, an Interview About Parenting After Loss with Zayn's Mom Katie - ALAIL | First Time Moms for the Second Time, More About Parenting After Loss with Zayn's Mom Katie ::: Support As Long As I'm Living podcast at ⁠buymeacoffee.com/alailpodcast⁠ OR buy buying our MERCH at ⁠bonfi...

Today on the podcast, we're welcoming back our resident grief therapist: Dr. Denise Mandel! We talk to Dr. Denise allllll about support groups. What are they, how do they help, how can you find one? We also talk about why some people DON'T like support groups, and other ways that you can find support in your loss if the group you tried to join isn't working. Dr. Denise is actively recr...

Hi all! It's a holiday week here in the US, so we're taking the opportunity to release an Instagram live we did back in May to the feed. In this live, we mainly talk about a then-recent episode of the podcast in which we tell the stories of our losses. If you haven't listened to that episode yet, listen HERE and then come back and listen to all the commentary :) If you'd rather wat...

In this episode, Judith talks about how she's prepping as she approaches the birth of a (hopefully alive) new baby. How is she thinking about naming her son, after her first son died? What of Aiden's clothes will she put on the new baby? Will she do the same religious traditions, in the same way? How is her mental health? Preparation for a new baby is always a huge undertaking, but it'...

We are honored to be joined on the podcast today by Emily, Maliyah's Mom, to talk about her TFMR (termination for medical reasons) last year. In our previous interviews about TFMR, the parents have had to make the decision to terminate due to their baby's own serious condition(s). In this case, Emily had to choose a termination to save her own life and lost her daughter in the process. Thi...

We are honored to be joined on the podcast today by Emily, Maliyah's Mom, to talk about her TFMR (termination for medical reasons) last year. In our previous interviews about TFMR, the parents have had to make the decision to terminate due to their baby's own serious condition(s). In this case, Emily had to choose a termination to save her own life and lost her daughter in the process. Thi...