Apocalypse Video

This is David Snider, Mission Log: With our extensive four hour training course complete we are now ready to set sail into the unknown. It’s as if we’re diving…through the memories of the planet. But we are about to pass from memory…into madness. A madness caused by our insatiable need for 33% Grade-A Beef, aka: Taco Bell. Joined by my stalwart companions and movie buffs, Ryan, Mike, and explosive...

Apocalypse Video Bond-Cast Mission Dossier: The Target: 1967’s You Only Live Twice Your Contacts: Apocalypse Video (M)anager - Dave (cover name: Davis Schneider) Agents - Mike & Jackie Mission Objectives: Try not to cringe too hard when Bond is “Turned Japanese”. Ascertain the living accommodations of Blofeld’s cronies in his volcano lair. Uncover the pointed history of “The Bullet Bra”, as se...

Captain’s Log: Stardate 50893.5 The Apocalypse Video Trek Cast is now nearing the end of this leg of its journey into the Final Frontier and what better way to close this loop than by watching the 1996 box office hit First Contact, a film which perfectly captured the poise and restraint of Capt. Jean Luc Picar—whoa, is that a borg?! Die you cyborg son of a bitch! Aggggrrhhhh! Ahem. Excuse me. As I...

In a world where you constantly hear “ we made it for the fans ”, one film dared to buck the trend… I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as I descend into a mad, macabre world of overgrown fungus and bizarre sexual undertones are fellow cinephiles and drug hallucinations Mike, Ryan, and Nick (aka Immortan Hoof). Listen as we discuss the film that brought Mario and Luigi to the big screen (for bette...

“I prayed that he would burn in Hell, but in my heart I knew that Hell would not have HIM!” Welcome back, Kiddies! It may be Summer, but someone has returned to spoil our vacation plans… I’m your host, Dave, and joining me again as we watch the epitome of diminishing returns is fellow horror fan Nick “Immortan Hoof”. Topics of discussion in this episode include Loomis going full Ahab; Michael clai...

Hello, wastelanders! And welcome to Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest: Part III - The Summer Games: Extra Innings! I’m your host and team manager, Dave, and joining me as we batter up for the final final installment of The Summer Games are fellow cinephiles and ballplayers Janna, Kara, and Jackie. I, for one, am glad that this group of ladies stormed the Funderdome and forced a screening of Penny Marsha...

Somebody better call the Justice Department - Entertainment Division , because things are about to heat up as Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest: Part III concludes with its most explosive installment yet! I’m your host and Lead Stalker, Dave, and joining me as we rev up our buzzsaws are fellow cinephiles and Dynamo fanboys Mike and Cody. Listen as we discuss how you should never punish Arnold Schwarzene...

“Nobody reinvents this game...” I’m your host and Team Captain, Dave, and joining me as we boot up our computers and do some statistical analysis are fellow cinephiles and washed up ballplayers Ryan, Cody, Nick “Immortan Hoof”, and Special Guest, Andrew. Listen as we discuss Moneyball , the film that breaks down the game of Baseball with cold, hard, capitalist efficiency; we try to determine if Bi...

“I want to say hello to my parents and my Kung Fu master, but they're all dead.” I’m your host and Team Captain, Dave, and joining me as we prepare to kick some grass are fellow cinephiles Ryan, Cody, and Nick “Immortan Hoof”. Listen as we discuss what could only be referred to as Dragon Ball Z on the soccer field; we’ll cover the differences between the original Chinese and International cuts; an...

You’ll believe a Dog can fly… I’m your host and Team Captain, Dave, and joining me as we let the dogs out are fellow cinephiles Ryan, Mike, and special guest and former All Star of the Milwaukee Mutos, Andrew. Listen as we discuss one of the most shockingly dour kid’s sports movies ever made; we try to keep up as the movie goes from Dog Playing Basketball to Courtroom Drama; and finally, we take a...

** DISCLAIMER: Apocalypse Video would like to point out that anyone can play baseball, including girls, and that sexually harassing young lifeguards is wrong - even if you later end up marrying them, buy a drugstore together, and have nine kids.** Now, with that out of the way, let’s PLAAAAAY BALLLLL!! I’m your host and Team Captain, Dave, and joining me as we chew some Big Chief and ogle our loca...

Before we begin this episode’s written synopsis, I’d like to remind everyone reading that Corporations are Good and Individuality is Bad. Now, with that said, let’s sit back, take some drug Altoids, and enjoy America’s Favorite Death Sport - err, I mean, Past Time: Rollerball! I’m your host and Team Captain, Dave, and joining me as we try our best to avoid getting dragged into the path of an oncom...

Hot Dave's Summer Film Fest: Part III - The Summer Games continues. And this time we're hitting the gridiron as a bunch of smelly, disgusting kids face off for the right to play Pee-Wee Football for the great city of Urbania, OH in Little Giants! I’m your host and Team Captain, Dave, and joining me as we watch a bunch of misfit children fart their way to the top are fellow cinephiles and Bloodbowl...

Sports…Mankind’s greatest endeavor. For centuries it has separated the boys from the Men, football players from their brain stems, and continues to this day to spark the fire of healthy competition in the hearts of its players. Apocalypse Video and Immortan Hoof Auto return to the Funderdome to bring you the third exciting chapter of Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest… The Summer Games . I’m your host an...

Can you feel it, folks? Summer Movie season is right around the corner and that can only mean one thing – the return of Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest!!! But after enduring weeks of bitterly freezing indie dramas in Stone Cold Ryan’s Winter Film Fest Federation , some of us at the store have forgotten what it feels like to feel the warm breeze of an explosion or the refreshingly cool splatter of a we...

COMMAND COM LOAD BIOS MEMORY SET SYSTEM STATUS OK… SECTOR 2 - APOCALYPSE VIDEO CARTOON DISCUSSION IN PROGRESS… SUSPECTS: APOCALYPSE VIDEO MANAGER: “DAVE” AND WASTELAND RULER: “IMMORTAN HOOF” DISCUSSION TOPICS DETECTED: 1. RATIO OF EPISODE QUALITY TO FUNNY EPISODE TITLE IMPROVING 2. ROBO ADDS “MARTIAL ARTS” TO HIS PROGRAMMING 3. IT’S SAFE TO SAY THAT O.C.P. BASICALLY RUNS THE COUNTRY AT THIS POINT...

“We’re talking about evil on two legs…” Ok, Kiddies! It’s time to ditch those Silver Shamrock masks and pick up an all white William Shatner classic at your local hardware store, because Michael Myers is back! I’m your host, Dave, and joining me again as we down a few beers and form a drunken posse to roam the night is fellow horror fan Nick “Immortan Hoof”. Topics of discussion in this episode in...

Captain’s Log: Stardate 47304.2 With all of the recent talk of Star Trek: Picard’s series finale(?), we at the Apocalypse Video Trek Cast thought what better time than now to visit one of Season 7’s steamiest “Will They / Won’t They?” episodes of the Next Generation: Attached . An episode that features mind reading, innuendo, and no doubt ignited a firestorm of fanfiction across the galaxy… I’m yo...

Stone Cold Ryan’s Winter Film Fest Federation concludes with Kevin Smith’s return to the Quick Stop in Clerks III. I’m your host, Stone Cold Ryan, and joining me as we grapple with our complicated feelings about our childhood hero are fellow clerks Dave, Mike, and Special Guest, Cody. In this episode we’ll talk about our history with the View Askewniverse and everyone’s favorite indie darling, Kev...

COMMAND COM LOAD BIOS MEMORY SET SYSTEM STATUS OK… SECTOR 2 - APOCALYPSE VIDEO CARTOON DISCUSSION IN PROGRESS… SUSPECTS: APOCALYPSE VIDEO MANAGER: “DAVE” AND WASTELAND RULER: “IMMORTAN HOOF” DISCUSSION TOPICS DETECTED: 1. VERY LITTLE “RUMBLE” IN “RUMBLE IN OLD DETROIT” 2. ROBO IS NOW MORE POWERFUL THAN A LOCOMOTIVE 3. WHEN SOMEONE IN A GANG CALLED “THE ASSASSINS” WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND - YOU ARE...

Stone Cold Ryan’s Winter Film Fest Federation continues with Michel Gondry’s 2008 swed-fest, Be Kind, Rewind . I’m your host, Stone Cold Ryan, and joining me as we make sure not to magnetize our entire VHS collection are fellow film fans Dave and Michael! In this episode we’ll discuss our time at Hollywood Video during the great home media shift of the late 2000s; we’ll break down Michel Gondry’s...

Stone Cold Ryan’s Winter Film Fest Federation continues with Cheryl Dunye’s 1996 comedy, The Watermelon Woman. I’m your host, Stone Cold Ryan, and joining me as we celebrate the best of 90s independent cinema are fellow film fans Dave, Jackie, and Michael! In this episode we’ll ask why The Watermelon Woman isn’t held in the same regard as it’s indie contemporaries like Clerks ; we’ll also discuss...

The time of Dave has ended. Long live the Reign of Stone Cold Ryan! ( at least until Summer rolls along… ) That’s right, film fans! You may have thought Winter was over, but there’s a scrappy mutant creature named FunksyStony Todd who says otherwise! And if he crawls out of his hole and sees that Navy Seals is still checked out, then we’ve got 4 more weeks of Winter and a Film Fest Federation to o...

“I do love a good joke…a joke on the children!” It’s time kiddies, put on your masks…grab a six pack and avoid your ex-wife…and be sure to watch out for misfires – it’s Halloween III: Season of the Witch ! I’m your host, Dave, and joining me again as we put on our Silver Shamrock masks and prepare to have bugs come out of our mouths is fellow horror fan Nick “Immortan Hoof”. Topics of discussion i...

COMMAND COM LOAD BIOS MEMORY SET SYSTEM STATUS OK… SECTOR 2 - APOCALYPSE VIDEO CARTOON DISCUSSION IN PROGRESS… SUSPECTS: APOCALYPSE VIDEO MANAGER: “DAVE” AND WASTELAND RULER: “IMMORTAN HOOF” DISCUSSION TOPICS DETECTED: 1. O.C.P. NOW HAS MEAT FACTORIES 2. ROBO GETS BAMBOOZLED BY A GUY WITH A BOW AND ARROW 3. THE ARCHER’S IDENTITY IS REVEALED “SCOOBY DOO” STYLE DIRECTIVE 5: RATE, REVIEW AND SUBSCRIB...