Apocalypse Video

It’s time to bust out the oil and start lathering those jacked pecs, because Apocalypse Video is headed to the jungle for a special tribute screening of Predator in honor of the late, great Carl Weathers. Just be sure to also cover yourself in mud, as well. You’ll thank us later. I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we prepare for the ultimate hunt are fellow cinephiles and elite special forces...

Captain’s Log, Stardate 3372.7. The Trek Cast remains trapped in the TOS era of Star Trek, and our next assignment is Season 2’s “Amok Time”. An episode filled with horny rage and awesome fight music. I have instructed my crew to behave themselves during the screening, and not to emulate the insubordinate behavior of Mr. Spock, lest they find themselves in the brig for illogical conduct. I’m your...

Let me just say this right now, folks: when someone tells you that hooking up smokestacks to your septic tank will result in a 95% reduction in airborne poo particles, they’re probably telling you a tall tale. Take us for example. We attach a pair of smokestacks, and before you know it we’re getting hit with lawsuits from people suffering acid burns and even death. But luckily, our old friend Immo...

There are those who believe that podcasts here began out there, far across the universe, with tribes of neckbeard film fans who may have been the forefathers of the movie review podcast. Some believe that there may yet be brothers of man who even now podcast to survive, somewhere beyond Apocalypse Video… I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we begin yet another spin off pod series is my faithful...

Apocalypse Video Bond-Cast Mission Dossier: The Target: 1971’s Diamonds are Forever Your Contacts: Apocalypse Video (M)anager - Dave Agents - Mike and Jackie Mission Objectives: Pay Sean Connery a King’s Ransom to return to the role of Bond Uncover the behind the scenes drama between Jill St. John and Lana Wood Infiltrate Blofeld’s fake moon landing set Additional Objectives: Rate, review and subs...

We get a lot of whacky customers in Apocalypse Video. Everyone from ptera people to lizard people come into our store not understanding what a movie is, to which we are forced to educate them on the lost art form that was once Cinema. But every once in a while we encounter a customer that is simply unable to distinguish the line between reality and fiction. A person so convinced that what they are...

There’s nothing quite like the bright lights of the big city - specifically, New York City. As they say, if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere! So you can imagine my disappointment when I found out the Deluxe New York Virtual Getaway package I picked up was actually for Staten Island, New York and not New York City . Thankfully, our Hilton Star Trek Simulator does allow for movies to b...

Captain’s Log: Stardate 3141.9 After a freak accident thrust our Hilton Star Trek Experience Simulator into a temporal wake, we have found ourselves deposited in the TOS era of Star Trek . Our systems are damaged and our onboard C.H.A.D. computer tells me that it will take several months to fully restore the systems so that we may travel back to our own time - our own…Next Generation. Though we ca...

“Someone didn’t go to Yosemite…” The year is 1998. After twenty years and five sequels, the Halloween franchise needed a shot in the arm if it was to compete with the likes of Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer . Enter returning Halloween veteran Jamie Lee Curtis, Kevin Williamson, and the scariest element of all – Harvey Weinstein – to show us all that blood truly is thicker than water. I...

Well, we did it, folks. After four and a half years we’ve finally hit two hundred episodes. It’s been a wild ride and even though most of us have been killed, brought back, killed again, and forced to watch some pretty god awful movies, I think I can speak for everyone when I say that we’ve had the time of our lives bringing the lost art of cinema back to the wasteland. And I know that you’re thin...

Another new year is almost upon us, but unfortunately, unlike everyone else in the Wasteland, we’re not partying at the top of a decrepit old skyscraper or pounding mother’s milk at Citadel - no, we’re stuck in the store, slavishly devoted to our mission statement of spreading the lost art of cinema to the people of the world. But after this New Year’s Eve night and the film we’ve just watched, we...

Christmas time is here! And that can only mean one thing: Apocalypse Video’s obligatory Christmas episode! And this time we’re not talking about some box office bomb involving Santa Claus, or a precocious young boy running two criminals through a maze of death in New York City -- no, this time we’re doing the ultimate romantic comedy. A film that’s synonymous with Christmas and features not only o...

Apocalypse Video Bond-Cast Mission Dossier: The Target: 1969’s On Her Majesty’s Secret Service Your Contacts: Apocalypse Video (M)anager - Dave Agents - Mike, Jackie & Nick “Immortan Hoof” Mission Objectives: Evaluate the new 007: George Lazenby ( and ascertain whether or not his Butt-Chin can double as a deadly weapon ) Book a room at Piz Gloria (aka: the United Nations of Babes) Shock the au...

After weeks of Suburban Commando’s, Lawnmower Men, and cartoon RoboCop’s, we here at Apocalypse Video thought it was high time we watched a quality movie from a quality director. Something with comedy, action, and romance; a true crowd pleaser. And what better director to choose than old Sammy Fableman himself: Steven Spielberg. I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we break out of pre-release ar...

With Shocktober behind us, I must admit that I’m a little relieved that our non-stop horror movie marathon has come to an end. Don’t get me wrong, I love Shocktober as much as the next guy, but thirty one straight days of nothing but horror films is bound to wear anyone down just a little bit. Thankfully, we here at Apocalypse Video happen to have a super computer named C.H.A.D. that can recommend...

COMMAND COM LOAD BIOS MEMORY SET SYSTEM STATUS OK… SECTOR 2 - APOCALYPSE VIDEO CARTOON DISCUSSION IN PROGRESS… SUSPECTS: APOCALYPSE VIDEO MANAGER: “DAVE” AND WASTELAND RULER: “IMMORTAN HOOF” DISCUSSION TOPICS DETECTED: 1. ZIP CHIPS ARE RUINING OUR CHILDREN’S MINDS 2. ROBO TEAMS UP WITH THE ULTRA-POLICE FOR A NEW TOY LINE 3. CLARENCE BODDICKER RETURNS TO UP THE VIOLENCE LEVEL TO TV-Y7 DIRECTIVE 5:...

COMMAND COM LOAD BIOS MEMORY SET SYSTEM STATUS OK… SECTOR 2 - APOCALYPSE VIDEO CARTOON DISCUSSION IN PROGRESS… SUSPECTS: APOCALYPSE VIDEO MANAGER: “DAVE” AND WASTELAND RULER: “IMMORTAN HOOF” DISCUSSION TOPICS DETECTED: 1. ROBO BEATS CAPTAIN PLANET TO THE “SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT” CAMPAIGN 2. ROBO LOSES POWER YET AGAIN 3. ROBO-DOGS DIRECTIVE 5: RATE, REVIEW AND SUBSCRIBE TO APOCALYPSE VIDEO WHEREVER P...

Six times the terror... Six times the fear... Six times the thrills... At long last, the origin of Michael’s Madness is finally revealed…via a producer's cut that was too stupid for public consumption. It’s Halloween 6: The Cursed Reshoot - err, I mean, The Curse of Michael Myers. I’m your host Dave, and joining me as we try to make sense of this goofy retcon is fellow horror fan and Cult of Thorn...

Welcome kiddies to the final installment of the Apocalypse Video Shocktober Spooktacular: Cyber Edition. For our last bout of cyber horror, we bring you the 1975 horror classic, The Stepford Wives . I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we submit our applications to the Men’s Association are fellow horror fans and black eyed automatons Mike, Jackie, Ryan, and Immortan Hoof ( aka: Nick ). Topics o...

The line between horror film and thriller is something that comes up a lot in film nerd circles. Is Silence of the Lambs a horror film or a thriller? Does a film have to include a big, scary guy with a knife chasing a naked woman through the woods to be considered Horror ? Who’s to say? But one thing is certain, there is nothing as horrifying as Tom Sizemore’s wig in Kathryn Bigelow’s Strange Days...

This year’s Shocktober may focus on cyber horror, but nothing - not even Jobe “Lawnmower Man” himself - can stop a hockey masked slasher on his favorite day! I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we snort some top dollar toot are fellow horror fans and people who never learned to swim, despite being thrown into the deep end of Crystal Lake, Mike and Jackie. Topics of discussion in this episode in...

With Jobe busy back on Earth making sure everyone’s phone is ringing, the Apocalypse Video Shocktober Spooktacular: Cyber Edition blasts off to space with the 1987 anime Lily C.A.T. , a film that asks, what if Alien and The Thing were combined into one movie? And, the more important question, could it be done without Ridley Scott and John Carpenter sicking their lawyers? I’m your host, Dave, and j...

Prepare yourselves, kiddies. The spooooky season has officially returned. And this time…we’re going digital. All month long Apocalypse Video celebrates the scariest pixelated horrors that the cyber realm has to offer - everything from Lawnmower men to vengeful cyber cats. I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we follow the white rabbit into cyber hell are fellow cinephiles and former America Onli...

With Shocktober mere days away, we decided what better way to get ready for the spooooky season than by watching the 1977 nunsploitation film Alucarda , a movie filled with fire, crazy goth girls, and demon orgies officiated by a guy in a giant goat mask. I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we walk the dark path are fellow cinephiles and card carrying members of the Beelzebub Club, Mike and Imm...

Behold! His excellence, Immortan Hoof, has graced our pitiful video store with his presence. And he comes bearing gifts; specifically, George A. Romero’s criminally underseen 1981 motorcycle jousting film, Knightriders. I am your humble video store manager, Dave, and joining me as we embark on a journey through anachronistic Ren-Faires and crazed motorcycle gangs are my fellow knights Ryan, Cody,...