Apocalypse Video

No sex. No booze. No men. No way. Hey, folks; Dave here. One down, three to go, as I continue my month-long Apology Tour for my crimes committed this Summer. This time, perhaps fittingly, I’m taking the gang with me to church in an effort to atone for my cinema sins. But rather than relive the horrors of Mel Gibson and this past Jesus-ary, we’re lightening things up and getting back in the habit w...

Someone once wrote, “War is Hell”. Well, the same thing could be said for this latest run of my Apology Tour. We just watched a season 6 two-parter of M*A*S*H., a show that up until this point I had only seen the end credits of as a kid whenever I was waiting for something else to come on TV. It’s not that the show is bad, mind you, I just can’t shake the feeling that one of my co-hosts, a die har...

Hello, People of the Wasteland. My name is Dave, Store Manager of Apocalypse Video, and I would like to read you the following statement I have prepared: “After the utter failure of our recent summer film fest, which featured the likes of Catwoman and Madame Web, I admit that my decision to create a whole summer of programming based purely on spite was ill conceived and wrong. I accept all respons...

In our world, knowing the future can’t save you from it. On the final episode of Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest Vol. V: The Future is Super Female, Dakota Johnson and Sony Pictures make a film so bad it threatens to end Cinema as we know it! So take off your shoes and prepare to party like it’s 2003; it's Madame Web! I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we review what is perhaps the worst film we’v...

In the future, the odds of survival are 1000 to 1. That’s just the way she likes it. On this week’s episode of Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest Vol V: The Future is Super Female!, Lori Petty ditches her surf board and commandeers a tank to go one on one against the holographic head of Malcolm McDowell…it’s Tank Girl! I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we try our best to conserve water are fellow ci...

Adventure runs in the family. On this week’s episode of Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest Vol V: The Future is Super Female!, Helen Slater battles evil witches and horny truckers as she seeks the power source that will bring life back to her space hippie commune…IT’S SUPERGIRL!! I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we chow down on some Popeye’s chicken are fellow cinephiles and Argo City space hippies...

They were three small time girls, with big time dreams. Now, fate is giving the Pussycats the chance of a lifetime. On this week’s episode of Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest Vol. V: The Future is Super Female! , a group of aspiring rock stars from Riverdale must foil the evil plans of Alan Cumming and Parker Posey as they use the power of subliminal advertising to sell a bunch of garbage to the youth...

This week we celebrate a milestone occasion, folks. Believe it or not, it’s been six whole years since we first started doing the Apocalypse Video podcast, and a lot’s happened in that time. We’ve had people come and go – heads chopped off; heads reattached; Kaiju attacks; you know, the usual. So with such a long and storied history, how could we possibly celebrate six years in a fashion befitting...

Before she can find peace she will wage war. On this week’s episode of Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest Vol. V: The Future is Super Female! , Jennifer Garner comes back from the dead to battle tattooed freaks and super villains who use their laundry as a weapon – It’s Elektra! I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as the fatigue of this less than stellar film fest is starting to set in are fellow cinephi...

CATch Her in IMAX! On this week’s episode of Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest Vol. V: The Future is Super Female! , Halle Berry plays Patience Phillips, a super hot nerd who is turned into a super hot Catwoman, as she battles a stone faced Sharon Stone who’s out to turn the women of America into face cream addicted monsters – from visionary director Pitof, it’s Catwoman! I’m your host, Dave, and joinin...

See Barbarella do her thing! On this week’s episode of Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest Vol. V: The Future is Super Female! , prepare to drop some acid and make love like it’s the year 4,000 — it’s Barbarella! I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we take our sex pills and prepare to have our hair blown back are fellow cinephiles and primitives living in a state of neurotic irresponsibility, Mike and...

Don’t call her Babe! Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest Vol. V continues! And this time, we’ve got a 90s video store staple for ya, straight from the sleazy town of Steel Harbor…it’s Barb Wire! I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we try to sell our illegal contact lenses are fellow cinephiles and resistance fighters Mike and Ryan. Topics of discussion in this episode include a film that is only a few...

The future is flux. Summer is here, and that can mean only one thing; Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest is back!!! And this time we’re bringing you a summer film fest of epic proportions, filled with the best ( and worst) of the Hollywood comic book film machine… female- led comic book films. That’s right, fellas - the Future is Super Female!!! I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we begin our summer...

Hey, everyone - Dave here. As we get into the unbearable hellscape that is Summer, please remember to get your Air Conditioner checked regularly, lest you end up overcranking your system and turning one of your employees into an ice cube. The podcast you are about to hear is a cautionary tale of Air Conditioner negligence and stale, frozen comedy premises. I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we...

Be careful what you wish for … Ahhh, who amongst us hasn’t fallen prey to this old adage? I myself once dreamed of a world where I would have free access to endless Taco Bell and Mountain Dew Livewire - alas, I had to endure an apocalypse in order to get those wishes. Ah well, it was worth it. But, sadly, the same can’t be said for my good buddy, Ryan. The fool wished on a Zoltar machine at the lo...

Where were you in ‘02? If you were anything like us you were busy trying to decide which eight movies to rent at your local video store while waiting for the store manager to call you back about your job application. Or you were one of the cool kids who were going to parties and getting laid - anyway, if you’re reading this and always wondered what all the other kids in high school were up to ever...

Get ready to set sail as Apocalypse Video goes back to Titanic to see where it all began for James Cameron and his journey to becoming King of the World (and of the box office). I’m your host and ship’s Captain, Dave, and joining me as we collide with destiny are fellow cinephiles and Third Class passengers Mike, Ryan, and Jackie. Topics of discussion in this episode include a debate on how soon i...

Judge’s Report: (Officer Fridge on Scene) Responded to a call in Sector 2. Reports indicated a video store manager had been impersonating a Judge. I arrived on scene and found perp was still in process of his bad Judge impersonation. I immediately stunned perp and announced judgement: One Year, Iso-Cubes. Perp continued bad Judge impression. I sentenced perp to one additional year, Iso-Cubes. Perp...

Folks, let me give you a piece of advice; when your AdBlocker subscription is about to run out and you have a TV night planned for your employees - please remember to renew that thing immediately . You have no idea how mad people get when they’re forced to watch the same Fruity Pebbles commercial fifty seven times… I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we rot our brains with some good old fashion...

To anyone who finds this recording; I, David Snider, and the rest of the passengers on Spirit Airlines: Flight 32 are being held hostage! We were on our way to the Michael Bay Film Festival when our flight was hijacked by former Immortan of the Wasteland, Nick Hoof. I think we , and by we I mean the brave workers from Apocalypse Video - Ryan, Cody, and myself - will be okay; it’s the other passeng...

Apocalypse Video Bond-Cast Mission Dossier: The Target: 1979’s Moonraker Your Contacts: Apocalypse Video (M)anager - Dave Agents - Mike and Jackie Big Headed Henchman - Ryan Megalomaniacal Former Immortan - Nick Mission Objectives: Obtain the phone number for Drax’s “Henchmen Service”. Determine whether 1979 era Roger Moore would be accepted into Drax’s super race of “perfect human specimens”. Fin...

Captain’s Log, Stardate 1709.2 After a long hiatus, the Trek-Cast is back with the season one classic, Balance of Terror. I am excited for the submarine inspired action sequences, but can’t help but feel uneasy… I suspect that one of my crew is a Romulan spy - I can’t prove it , but what I can prove is that someone is stealing my hair plugs and selling them on the black market at outrageous prices...

Now that Jesusary is behind us, we’re free to watch the movies that the Wasteland really cares about: 70s cult flicks with goofy looking gangs and memorable one liners. God Bless. I’m your host and War Chief, Dave, and joining me are fellow cinephiles and emissaries Mike, Ryan, Nick, and Cody. Topics of discussion in this episode include a breakdown of the disappointing fight between the much hype...

Please…sit. And welcome to the Church of Apocalypse Video. I’m your host and pastor, Dave, and joining me are fellow disciples and former Splatterpunks, Mike, Jackie, and Ryan. Today, we will be reading from the Book of Murphy. Chapter 19, Verse 93: RoboCop the Third. Topics of discussion in this sermon include the kidified take on everyone’s favorite ultra-violent 80s action hero; we wonder if Le...

Please…sit. And welcome to the Church of Apocalypse Video. I’m your host and pastor, Dave, and joining me are fellow disciples with New York accents, Mike and Ryan. Today, we will be reading from the Book of Marty. Chapter 19, Verse 88: The Last Temptation of Christ. Topics of discussion in this sermon include how Jesus basically walks around throwing glitter in the air as he runs through his grea...