An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven by Tim Bedore

In this episode I hear it from 2nd amendment types on banning Lawn Darts and AR-15s, why some should stay out of the gene pool, could we de-evolve and lose our opposable thumbs, the downside if Trump is in prison, I've ruined someone's relationship with his sons and apologize, should parents be their kids friends, what do dandelions and Jesuits converting native people's have to do with each other...

In episode 94 we discuss if any or all the Gods exist and what that means for your weekend. A client worries her kids are addicted to video games and I assure her they are in league with the DEVIL and what she should do about it. Every generation thinks the next generation is destroying the culture. Are we right this time? Why I think the Second Coming (if the God that promised it exists) would be...

Just in time for Easter--He IS Risen or He HAS Risen?  If we're banning books in schools should we start with THE HOLY BIBLE?  I read parts of it that are Hitchcock/Tarantino/50 Shades of Grey territory so you can decide. Can vegetarians opt out of the Lamb of God portions of the liturgy? Should there be peanut butter and mint jelly sandwiches? Are nuns the most vicious women on Earth? I discuss a...

In episode 92 I help a client who wants to identify as a Sapien instead of a huMAN, what we can learn about non-binary pronoun usage from Japanese people not being able to pronounce L's, why we need gender categories, what to do when your 8 year old sees a racist phrase on a school's bathroom wall, or what to think when a 3td grade teacher breast feeds her baby in class, and I try to help someone...

It's Lent.  I help a client pick what to give up to honor the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. Another client had a DNA test- he is NOT Lutheran but Jewish. I advise on how to proceed. Someone wonders why Jesus appears to be a blue-eyed European and not a Middle Eastern Jew in the paintings. I have a theory. The worst mother-in-law ever! We may have found her. I devise a survival strategy for a ne...

Some of you didn't listen closely enough to EP 89.  I was NOT kidnapped by circus animals, as I wrote in my phony autobiography, Forest of Ennui.  But thanks for your concern. One of you thinks I should give up on golf, I explain why I can't, we discuss why professional miniature golf was bad TV, why axe throwing in bars is fun but stay away from political arguments, a visit to the Bobblehead Muse...

In this episode I explain why I don't want patients to have my phone number (I screwed up someone's life), dementia and adult education, if intercourse is making love is foreplay making like, advise some murder mystery podcasters with a serious moral dilemma, discuss is stealing ideas immoral or just show business and read an excerpt from my I-made-up-a-horrible-childhood-backstory-so-you'll-feel-...

Episode 88 features my first use of a dirty word, what famous stripper Carol Doda taught me, how fireworks produced our nervous daughter, woke people (over)respond to my road-kill-pigeon-funeral analysis, is a flamethrower totin' guy dressed as The Joker shooting fireballs at cars nuts, the 2nd Amendment, Creeping Charlie, my wife and a friend were stoned in Chinatown, why are actresses nearly nak...

In this episode I make my annual you-can-take-them-to-the-bank New Year's predictions-Ukraine, Trump, McCarthy, bacon flavored marijuana, Covid, the Oscars... I know the future and now you can, too. We hear from a client who dosed her mother-in-law with THC Christmas cookies, from someone who, as a child, saw me play emaciated, angey Santa on TV and what happened to them (I still have nightmares),...

Just in time for the holidays- I give the only true meaning of Christmas and/or holiday season, my best and worst Christmas memories including playing Santa, in costume, very badly on TV and freaking out kids and parents, why when you see the image of Santa I see a dead bat, why a truckload of abandoned potatoes was the best toy ever, playing army with sticks, how to handle a snippy mother-in-law...

In recent episodes I came up with non-cliche things to say at funerals which struck a nerve with some of you. Today, I strike back. Just in time for Xmas I am selling An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven-The Board Game. A client has naked neighbors in a hot tub and his wife wants him to build a fence. Should he? For the first time ever I recommend a divorce. Helicopter parents and what might not be a tem...

In ep. 84 I respond to your responses to ep. 83 because some people just can't shut up or be happy, again discuss what to say at funerals, advise a Lutheran client who just found out he's Jewish, discuss if we are our genetics or culture or just who we say we are, anaylze the story of the unluckiest guy in the world, opine on why aliens don't stop to give us advice, help with whether to say "Thank...

In this episode I help the worst patient I've ever had to endure- a classic "Karen," explain why my lawyer doesn't want me to see patients in person, is ageism the hot new prejudice, wonder if 'with age comes wisdom' is true, did Native American elders screw the pooch when they let the Pilgrims ashore, help a patient determine if her new beau is a real moron or just an idiot and help someone avoid...

Episode 82 deals with more proof God (if there is one) hates me, I help a client whose toddler poops the bed to protest a new baby being in the house, examine liberal vs. conservative thinking, determine if the stereotype of women being shoe-obsessed is fair, expose what the "Wizard of Oz" was really all about, discuss if the Polish are stupid or just absent minded, investigate the myth Mr. Rogers...

In episode 81 I help a polyamorous client figure out how to bring two men to her Mom's house for Christmas, explain why we need to tax the hell out of the rich, predict why the Trumps end up in Moscow, determine if it's moral to root for a neighbor's death so you can get their kidney, devise an experiment to see if prayer helps pro athletes and explain how magic works while SC Judge Brett Kavanaug...

If a man is marrying a man who dresses like a woman when do you tell  your parents about everything that's under the wedding dress?  What ruined America and how can we fix it?  If you could take one person out of history who would it be?  A client sees no reason to go on because he's not made a mark on the world.  I offer a different perspective that has to do with Elvis dying on the toilet.  Ever...

In episode 79 I help a client whose inviting his devote Southern Baptist parents to a pagan wedding, another patient is shocked at seeing sex toys at Target and bent carrot TV commercials, a new patient doesn't want to have anything to do with taking care of the corpse of his abusive mother but I explain why they should, and has woke culture run amok, are all dealt with in under 20 minutes.  Subsc...

Some of you INSIST the Lord works in mysterious ways and has a plan for EVERYTHING! I think, NOT! Can you get your money back from a non-healing Faith Healer? Consumers are pissed about prices and packaging and corporate lies and I just might get involved in the fight. Also, why I turned down a chance to be a marriage counselor, do some yoga poses look like a mime who ran into a ghost, is he a sex...

Guns, abortion, public Christian prayers at midfield after a football game, the Supreme Court and the failings of the Uber Left... this episode is filled with lighthearted fare just in time for summer vacation travel. It's fun for the whole family. Where is it polite to pee on a golf course? What to do when there's a man in the Ladies Room at Wal-Mart. People have problems, I have answers. All wit...

Are you morally responsible if you slice a shot off a golf course and kill a jogger? My client needs help and I have the answers. I also help two sex deviants and a young comedian who worries all comedy is at someone's expense by analyzing two of my favorite all-time public domain jokes. Why do people hate Baby Boomers? I think I know. Subscribe and THRIVE!

Today's episode is a lighthearted romp through mass shootings, the economic benefits of abortion and the Bible's position on it, Ronald Reagan's responsibility for all bad Republican politics, their 2nd amendment confusion, what movies shaped how conversatives see themselves, fantasy versus reality and more in one tidy little package.  Subscribe and THRIVE!

Is social media the Devil's tool? Are you sick if you post Wordle scores? Are the Kardashians poison? If a God spoke to us directly what would happen? Are humans devolving while animals evolve? What does spider sex sound like? Even if this podcast is a time waster it's all over in 18 minutes and you heard spiders having sex. Subscribe and THRIVE!

My daughter broke her leg rock falling, proving I'll be a worried Dad, forever. I also help young clients whose sex positivity has led to sex negativity (can't say NO to a spanking/choker), invent a new app that fixes the problem, discuss if early humans would have evolved if women's sex drive was as strong as men, advise a couple on how to deal with carjacking, and help an omnivore whose partner...

In #72 I go Will Smith on a conservative critic, take a mind reading challenge, Fernando Lamas appears again, help clients who want to place a nasty obituary about their mother, tell how a balata Titleist saved me from a bear attack, prove how tough liberals can be, fix the transgender athlete issue, suggest Job Hijabs as a company name for a client and overuse sound effects, all under 18 minutes....

Why you stay in a mediocre marriage, the upside to losing body parts, bimbo bachelorette partiers at the State of the Union address, what do pine trees think of telephone poles, more Biblical board games, why some friend's great marriage became the worst ever, the best way for older couples to end life, and maybe I can read minds. All under 18 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!