All Things Marriage with Dr. Chavonne

This week we are celebrating The Marriage UpGrade turning one with podcast interviews of clients who have gone through the program. Today you will hear from Mark and Diana who initially joined the first cohort, and have continued in the program joining the second group. My heart exploded as I listened to how much has changed for them. Here's what we covered that I know you will find especially val...

In this episode of the podcast, you will hear directly from my clients Matthew and Mary about their experience inside The Marriage UpGrade. We are only 3 months in the program, and so much has happened for them personally and in their marriage. We had an amazing conversation.  Here are some of the topics we explored that I know you will find valuable: -the automatic shift that happened for Mary ju...

How well do you and your spouse travel together? For some, the idea of traveling brings up stress, frustration and annoyance. Your ideas of what the time together are very different, and communication lapses can create additional strain. in this episode, I give you 5 rules to abide by as a couple. These ideas work well if you are traveling together as a couple, with your kids, visiting family or e...

The beliefs you adopt about your spouse, your marriage, and yourself matter. They create a lens by which you see everything you experience. Many times when I'm working with couples, they have biased perspectives. They hold on to disappointments and frustrations of the past, and bring them into their present-day interactions. They focus on what their spouse is doing wrong rather than taking persona...

Are you a good student? I've been contemplating what qualities and characteristics help people succeed at things they set out to do. Being good at marriage requires you demonstrate many of the same qualities you do when you are being a good student. I've often said that marriage is a school for becoming who you are meant to be in life. It will require you are clear about what you want, that you ha...

Emotional regulation is one of those super skills that will help you improve your communication better than anything else. Having better, more productive conversations is all about how well you and your spouse are able to keep yourselves calm and grounded. When you are emotionally regulated, you are intentional about your words, and able to solve problems and issues on a higher level. When you are...

In this episode, I share with you 7 things I deeply believe as a result of all my years of studying and coaching couples on marriage related issues. These 7 concepts and ideas are the most profound and transformative in truly creating the change you want to see. Listen as I share with you the truths, insights, and ah-has that have helped me personally and my clients to create better marriages. And...

In most of the couples I work with, one person has a tendency to shut down in conflict. This creates a wall to connection and understanding. Shutting down, like any reactive behavior is a coping mechanism designed to protect you. However, it creates a block in moving your marriage forward in a better direction. In today's episode, I'm breaking down the 4 most common reasons this happens, and offer...

So many times when I'm talking with women, I see the ways they give up their power. How limiting beliefs for what's possible in their life run the show. What they have to settle for in their marriage because of their husband's issues. How they are reacting to life instead of intentionally CREATING the life they want. In this episode I share with you 5 key distinctions for women who decide on purpo...

Self trust is one of the most important skills you can develop. I define it as the ability to have your own back. To know what you want and not doubt it. And to believe you are worthy and deserving of the BEST things in life. It's something that many of us as women don't have enough of. We spend too much time comparing ourselves to others, feeling bad about our lives and marriages, and finding all...

Welcome back for Part 2 of the conversation we started last week. Today we are diving into how to address each other 5 Dynamics that keep your marriage stuck. You'll learn both mindset and specific strategies to help you overcome these obstacles that keep you and your partner from having better communication and a stronger connection. As you listen, identify ONE area to focus on for the next week....

In the work I do with couples, there are a few dynamics that predictably create issues. These ways of being and interacting with each other can ultimately lead to years of disconnection, resentment and take the marriage completely off course. In this podcast episode, I break down exactly what those 5 common dynamics are and how to recognize if they are happening in your marriage. This week in your...

Disappointment is inevitable in your marriage. From a response that you didn't like to lack of follow-through, there will be plenty of times where your expectations are not met by your spouse. In this week's episode, we are talking about the most common examples of disappointment I come across in my practice, why disappointment is so hard to deal with, and the three specific ways people react to d...

Today I am taking you deep inside a coaching conversation inside The Marriage UpGrade Virtual Retreat. "What do you do when you know better, but you are still not doing better?" This is the essence of the question one of my brilliant clients asked this past weekend. We talked through the idea of having self awareness of your triggers, yet still choosing to react in ways that are not helpful, and i...

In this episode, I am taking you deep inside The Marriage UpGrade In Person Couples Retreat. If you've been wanting to know what it's like FOR REAL, this episode will give you all the juicy details. You'll learn: -the mindset I adopt when creating this experience for couples -how I prioritize making it a comfortable experience for everyone (introverts and extroverts alike) -the 6 specific principl...

If you've been interested in joining The Marriage UpGrade, and really want an insider's scoop on what it's like, this episode is for you. I break down some of the juicy details of the first cohort including how many couples joined, the results they created in their marriage, the breakthroughs they got, and their overall impression of the program. After listening to this episode, you'll have a much...

In this episode, we are diving into the topic of regret. This is an emotion and experience that comes up often in marriage.  Whether it’s from uncertainty in your match as a couple, hurtful words that are spoken in an argument, or times when you let yourself down, regret can flood in and create a lot of shame and guilt.  This episode will help you understand regret in a way that empowers you to gr...

How much of a friend are you to yourself? Which voices have more weight in your head- the negative self-critical ones, or the loving, kind, and understanding ones? Which one you give more airtime to matters immensely. In this episode, I define Self-Compassion and why it's so important for everyone embarking on any marriage improvement process. I break down the 5 most common situations where self-c...

This is 46. I recently celebrated my birthday and found myself conflicted at how to respond to the many text messages and calls from loved ones wishing me the happiest celebration. I am so grateful for my life AND have also been surprised by how down my emotions have felt the past couples of days. For many of us, we expect to "arrive" in our forties. To feel more confident and self assured. But le...

Feeling annoyed with your spouse is a normal, common thing that all couples experience.  There is no shame in acknowledging and recognizing this. The better you are at understanding and processing emotions like annoyance, frustration and irritation, the better you can deal with any trigger in your marriage. In this episode, I’ll teach you my 5-step process that explicitly answers the question, “wh...

Vulnerability is one of the most important skills to develop in order to have a deep and meaningful connection with your spouse. The more vulnerable you are, the more you allow them to truly see, understand and accept you. Yet, there are so many factors AGAINST us being vulnerable in marriage. In this podcast episode I talk about why it's hard to be vulnerable, how to overcome those challenges, an...

How well do you know yourself? It's an important question to consider. The degree to which you truly know, understand, and acknowledge yourself is an important factor in how satisfied you will be in your marriage. When you deeply know yourself, you can live a life that is truly aligned and brings you fulfillment. You are less dependent on your spouse NEEDING to show up a certain way. Your emotions...

Today is Valentine’s Day. No matter how you are feeling about your spouse and marriage today, I want to invite you to experience and lead with love. On the podcast today, we are diving into the question, “what would love do?” I share some of the most common situations and experiences couples encounter that make it difficult to lead with love in the traditional sense - being kind, loving, and reach...

This week on the podcast I’m sharing with you one of the tools I teach inside The Marriage UpGrade. While we definitely want to get you to a place where you are arguing less, disagreements will still happen. Sometimes your emotions WILL get the best of you, and so knowing how to recover and repair is an essential skill for every couple. Tune in as I break down what repairing really is and the MIND...

In the moments when you and your spouse argue, you are getting that short term relief. You have the last word. You get your point across. You hammer in on what they are doing wrong.  But have you ever considered the lasting impact of your arguing? In this podcast episode I’m sharing the 5 unintended consequences of arguing with each other.  I define the 3 types of arguing I see most commonly in my...