All Things Marriage with Dr. Chavonne

It's that time of year! That interesting week between Christmas and the New Year. It's just quiet enough to reflect on what 2023 has been like, while also looking ahead to what you want in 2024. In this podcast episode, I give you the opportunity to assess for yourself, if you are truly ready for change. One of the reasons people find themselves stuck with the same issues year after year is becaus...

Today we are continuing to connect the dots between your childhood and your marriage. Your formative years growing up in your family set the stage for so much about how you operate in relationships. This is the case for both you AND your spouse. Understanding why you each think, react, and operate in various ways is so important. When you can trace much of those things back to childhood, the issue...

Your childhood plays such an important role in how you experience and show up in your marriage. Your relationship with your primary caretakers sets the stage and template for the expectations you have and how you become accustomed to feeling around others. More often than not, these early experiences become the patterns that you subconsciously replicate over and over again. In this episode, I'm br...

S E L F D O U B T That twinge of, is this okay, or not? Am I asking for too much or not? Should I do this or not? It's a very common issue I see a lot of women struggle with. It's something I've processed deeply in my own life and have so much insight to share with you on this podcast. I break down the exact areas I see people (mostly us women) doubting themselves the most, as well as the factors...

Loneliness in marriage. It's not a topic that gets talked about very much. It's more common than you think. In this episode of the podcast I break down 8 different types of loneliness and and why they happen. It's important to narrow down to the specifics of your loneliness so you can start making positive progress more quickly. I also share with you 4 specific questions to start answering for you...

Yes, you read that right! Just in time for the holidays, we are getting straight to it with people who get on your nerves. This episode is a GREAT listen for ANYONE who may encounter a friend, family member, or spouse who has a tendency to push ALLLLL your buttons. There's so much to learn from the people who trigger us. In this episode I am breaking down step-by-step exactly what you can do NOW t...

In this episode, we are picking up our conversation about getting on the same page. In Part I, I shared the mindset necessary to open you and your spouse up to being able to apply the approach and strategies I share in this episode. Today, I'm sharing a 5-step process to help you have the conversation in a way that leaves you both feeling heard, respected, and valued for your opinions. It's import...

One of the most common issues couples struggle with is getting on the same page about important topics (money, parenting, work/life balance, etc). The way to make massive progress in this area starts first with your mindset. There are a set of thoughts and beliefs that make communicating with each other more difficult, or easier - even when you don't initially agree. In this podcast episode I give...

Self awareness brings choices. When you can notice your tendency to do or think certain things, you now have the choice to move yourself in the direction that moves you forward or keeps you the same. In this podcast episode, I offer 7 specific areas to examine where your commitment lies when it comes to your mindset about your marriage. For each one, I encourage you to assess where you fall curren...

One of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself is deciding to have your own back. This is where you consciously make the choice to take care of your emotions and operate from a place of love, grace, compassion, and understanding of yourself. In marriage, there will be times when you will feel alone, rejected, dismissed or misunderstood by your spouse. The solution is not to spend endless conve...

If it feels hard to talk to your spouse without them getting defensive, then this podcast episode is for you. One of the most common questions I get it this: "What do you do when you spouse is so defensive every time you bring certain things up?" I'm answering this question directly and sharing with you my 4-step Defensiveness Protocol for navigating this situation in your conversations. You'll le...

So many people struggle with feeling unheard and misunderstood in their marriage. It's disappointing, discouraging and frustrating to bring issue and concerns to your spouse only to be met with defensiveness, or a dismissive attitude. This podcast episode takes a deep dive into 6 main reasons why this is happening. You'll uncover if there are specific things you could do differently to create a wi...

No matter what area of your life or marriage you'd like to improve, you will go through a predictable set of steps to making changes and then ultimately making the shifts your new reality. In this episode of the podcast, I break down what those steps are, what you can expect to experience and how to move yourself along with the right mindset. You'll learn what keeps us from making positive changes...

Every couple has a predictable pattern that leads them to become frustrated, disappointed, and disconnected from each other. The more you understand your patterns the greater chance you have of truly changing them. Inside my coaching program, The Marriage UpGrade, I teach my clients how to always identify their Disconnection Dance so that they can make the necessary adjustments in their actions to...

Underneath every argument is a core issue that hasn't been addressed. The sooner you are able to identify what that is, the sooner you can get to the heart of the matter and spend less time debating the details of a situation. In this podcast episode I share with you the 6 fundamental questions each of you is asking when you are in conflict. Your emotional needs are showing up as uncertainty in an...

Every person within a marriage has things about their spouse that bother them. It's to be expected. The challenge is managing how you handle the common frustrations, annoyances, and aggravating things that come up for you. Most conflict arises when you are not able to pause and reflect BEFORE reacting. In this episode, I share with you 6 possible reasons you are bothered by certain things about yo...

A common issue I talk with people about is what to do when it seems like you are growing at a faster rate than your spouse. You are more self aware, working through your triggers, showing up as a better partner. Yet, it seems like your spouse is stuck with the same issues, reactions and mentality that made your marriage hard in the first place. It can be confusing for what you should do. Do you ju...

There will be times in your marriage and life where it feels like you don't know what to do. The choices and next steps feel overwhelming. You have resistance or confusion about how to get unstuck. Don't believe the lie. Confusion, and :"not knowing what to do" is just your brain''s way of protecting you and keeping you in the same place. In my years of coaching so many clients, I find that most t...

One of the quickest improvements my clients experience is being able to recover more quickly from an argument. They are able to reflect on what happened and reach out to each other in a loving way to make amends. Recovering from arguments quickly gives you more time to enjoy with each other, and less time spent not talking, feeling frustrated and resentful. If this is something you struggle with,...

Do you ever find yourself experiencing resistance when it comes to taking positive steps to improve your marriage? You resist pausing before saying a hurtful comment to your spouse. You resist reaching out to your spouse when you're feelings are hurt. You resist expressing your love when it feels unreciprocated. You resist taking a long look at yourself and how you are contributing to your issues....

If your brain takes off down the negative thinking rabbit hole, this episode is for you. We are diving into the topic of rumination. If you struggle with this, I want to offer your comfort and solutions. Rumination is something to understand, have compassion for, and then gently redirect your mind to focus on thoughts that serve you and help you enjoy your life and marriage more. In this episode,...

The mom struggle is REAL. And for many of my clients, it hits a bit harder during these summer months. If you are feeling at your wits end, and want to find ways to get more help and support as you do "all the things," this podcast episode will really resonate and offer some practical next steps. First, we start with a pep talk to help you remember your value and just how great of a job you are do...

There is not a couple I've ever spoken to who doesn't want better communication. The way you exchange ideas, express feelings, and examine your relationship is the backbone of your marriage. In this episode, I'm sharing with you 3 very specific steps to take to create more calm and productive conversations. When you apply these steps and master them in your discussions, you'll find it so much easi...

Sometimes making decisions together as a couple can be challenging. You both come with your various perspectives and ideas. Getting on the same page can take a long time, or not happen at all. In this podcast episode, I'm sharing the mindset and steps to take in order to have more productive conversations when you and your spouse are making big decisions. This episode was inspired by several conve...

I'm delighted to introduce you to my clients Antonette and Sylvester (Sly) who are members of The Marriage UpGrade. They have been married for over 30 years, and have unlearned and re-learned so many new ways of operating as a couple. Antonette and Sly initially joined the first cohort on the brink of divorce, and quickly gained hope as they got new tools and were able to open up the lines of comm...